From Writers To Readers... We Need To Talk

Dearest Reader,

So, it's after midnight on a Friday.  I'm sitting by myself with my headphones blaring, staring at my computer, and my thoughts are running like a crazed turkey.  I've had a frustrating day, an exhausting day, and I want to do something I enjoy.  There are only two things that make this kind of day better...

Ice cream and writing....and chocolate...and reading...maybe some Studio C...

Ok, so maybe there are more than two things.

Anyway.

I'm too lazy to go all the way down to our currently very silent kitchen to get ice cream.  Besides, I've had an extremely unhealthy amount of ice cream already this week (I'm afraid to admit).  I've already watched Studio C with my family for over an hour today.  I don't want to eat any more chocolate than I've already had this week (also an unhealthy amount, don't ask).

So here I sit.  I thought, if I'm going to stay up and give in to the fact that my horrible day is making it hard for me to sleep, I might as well do something productive.  I opened my computer, I sat down, I got Word up and running, aaaaand.....

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

Now, I've got plenty of ideas, just not any I feel comfortable beginning.  The reason for this is something that has been killing me slowly lately.  Something that has been hindering my writing in ways that nothing ever has.  It's been this way ever since I got published, and it's THE WORST for writer's block.  Wanna know what it is?  Are you sure you wanna know?  Ok...you asked.,.

It's you.

You heard me.  All of you terrifying people who read what I write.  Ever since you started showing up, my writing has been doubly difficult, and taken twice as much thought.  It's a whole lot different writing for people than it is writing when you know nobody is ever gonna read the stuff.  Why do you have to make things so gosh darn complicated?

And there's no going back.

Now that I know you exist, my brain can't seem to forget it.  Thanks a lot!

Don't feel bad.  I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.  I just...this has been happening for some time now, and I've finally decided to confront you about it.

You need an example to relate to?  Alright, picture this...

You're writing a school paper, a school paper that you're very insecure about and have put your whole heart into.  This paper is like a private journal to you.  But then, after you turn in the assignment, your teacher says you're going to have to sell copies of your heart-work, promote it a bunch, and try to get people to read it.  The problem is, you're an introvert, so going out and selling your paper that way almost seems like kind of the scariest most horrifying thing ever.  Then people end up actually buying it and reading it, like, more people than you thought.  So you feel like you want to write a sequel for that school paper, but this time it feels like there are a hundred random people looking over your shoulder.  Oh yes, and I forgot to mention...  You only have one paper a year for school, and each paper is worth a whopping 100% of your grade!

Now, think about that for a minute and tell me that isn't the most uncomfortable thing you've ever heard.

That's because it is.

Please don't misunderstand me.  I am SO GRATEFUL that you care enough to read my work.  The fact that someone like me could even have readers is a miracle in and of itself.  But ever since my brain hooked onto the idea that I actually have a "reader base" now, it has been so much harder for me to get myself into that writing zone.  That's not a problem with you.  I still want you to read my stuff.  But this was just a chance for me to have a very necessary change of perspective.

You see, the first time around I never intended for anyone to see my story except for me, and maybe a couple family members.  I intended for writing to be strictly a hobby.  I wrote because the words were inside of me.  I wrote because it was my passion.  I wrote because the characters and stories made my world a better place.  It was a place I could transport myself to no matter what I was going through.  No matter what problems I had, no matter who had hurt my feelings or how down I felt, God used my characters to teach me things about life.

That's how writing became my oxygen.

Since this new, other mentality came in, I've stopped writing for those reasons, and have been writing for you instead.  I'm going to be perfectly honest, the pressure from writing that way is unbelievably awful.  Which is why I've decided that...I'm sorry...but I can't do this anymore.

It's just too much for me to take, and I'm just not able to be who you want me to be anymore.  I still want to be a writer, and I still want you to be my reader, but I just don't want to write specifically for you anymore.  It's not you, it's me.

That's right... I'm breaking up with you.

Don't take it too hard.  I just need to do what's best for both of us.  If I keep writing for you, I'll never get this story off the ground, and you'll never get to read it.  So take this as an opportunity!  Thank you for understanding.  Don't...nope...please don't cry...

Ok... *awkward*

*sigh*

Well, I'm sure you just need some time to calm down.  You'll understand eventually.

Either way, that felt good to get off my chest!  Now, from here on out, it's back to square one.  In case you are crazy confused (which most of you probably are), I've decided that what everyone else thinks of what I write in my novels isn't going to bother me anymore.  I'm going to write what God places on my heart.  I'm going to write for me.  I'm going to write the truth.

If you happen to like what I do along the way, great!  But I'm not going to constantly think about approval, or what would be "popular" anymore.

I'm going to write what I like, and that's that.

I hope you can forgive me.  I really do care about you, and I hope we can still be friends.

Until next time, happy reading!

Sincerely,

A Free Writer

Bits and Pieces: First Look At The Shepherd's Eye!

*SPOILER ALERT*
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If you don't want anything from my book to be given away, read no further!
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*SPOILER ALERT*

Recently I've had some more free time on my hands, which has resulted in a lot more writing in the sequel to The Iridian Dagger.  To celebrate the fact that my very first book signing event is tomorrow (woohoo!), I decided to finally release an excerpt from The Shepherd's Eye, which will be the title of the second book in my Fluents and Shadows series!  Happy reading!

“Maggie, have you heard from James and Shane yet?” Sam entered the kitchen and found Maggie at the counter. They had only been at Shane’s vacation home for a little over a month, but everyone had settled in fairly fast. Maggie still missed her beautiful library back in Minnesota, but Tennessee held the huge plus of much warmer weather. 

“No, I haven’t. I’m kind of worried about them, actually.” She turned around holding a small pot and a wooden spoon. “Mac and cheese?” 

Sam shook his head and laughed. “Do you usually eat when you’re worried?” 

She spoke through a mouth full of macaroni. “Not until recently.” 

“I thought you were a stress reader, not a stress eater.” 

“Well, it turns out I’m both.” She had barely even finished speaking before she was shoving another spoonful into her mouth. “Have you tried calling them?” 

“Yes, but it won’t patch me through. I tried James’s phone and Shane’s, but both just send me right to voicemail.” 

Maggie set down the pot and spoon to check her phone. “It’s not like both of their phones could have died at the same time.” 

“Have they tried getting ahold of you at all? I’ve found that for some reason Shane always contacts you first.” Sam looked up at her as she continued to scroll through text messages and missed calls, waiting for her to notice. 

Finally, she recognized the silence and met his smirking eyes. “What’s so funny?” Cheese dust covered the counter, so she brushed it off before sitting down on top of it. 

“Oh, nothing.” He turned to retrieve a glass and filled it with water. 

“You’re just jealous that Shane finally has a close friend other than just you.” She sent back the same teasing smile. She and Shane had been spending a lot of time together while working on the tracking device, and Sam had been stuck with the paperwork. The Light Keepers had made him the main contact for their rag-tag group, and that meant sending a lot of documents, and making a lot of phone calls. 

Flashing lights filled the house. Alarms echoed through every hall. Sam and Maggie jumped with shock at the unexpected outburst of noise. Before Maggie could ask what was going on, the alarms ceased and an automated voice came through. “Incoming call from Shane Mitchel. Accept or decline?” 

“Accept!” Sam and Maggie shouted in unison. 

“Call accepted. Connection in progress. One moment please.” 

Three short beeps sounded, and then fuzzy crackling could be heard over the speaker system. “Shane, are you there?” Sam shouted over the buzz. 

“Perfect Pizzas, may I take your order?” Shane’s classic sarcasm made his identity clear, but his voice sounded a bit shaken. 

Sam shook his head. “Shane, I told you only to use this line in case of emergency! What are you doing?” 

“Oh, believe me, Sam. This is definitely an emergency. I think James is going crazy.” This time he sounded seriously anxious. 

James’s voice came from the background, shouting from a distance. “I’m not crazy, Shane, I can really hear it! The voice…it’s getting louder.” 

“Voice?” Maggie’s eyes narrowed. “What voice is he talking about?” 

Shane came through again. “That’s the thing, I have no clue. I can’t hear anything, and neither can anyone around us. We’re stuck in a traffic jam the size of Texas, the sky has gone completely black with clouds, and no one seems to know why. I was hoping to see if Maggie’s friend could tell us anything.” 

Maggie hopped down off the counter. “I’m on it, Shane.” As soon as she spoke Malachi appeared in front of her. She walked through the house, hoping to get somewhere quieter. Thanks to the speaker system, Shane’s voice was coming through all over the place. 

“Thanks, Maggie. Let me know as soon as you know anything.” 

Maggie locked eyes with Malachi, her guardian angel and constant companion. “Did you hear all that?” This house was older than Shane’s house in Madeline Island, and the floor creaked with proof as she walked along. 

He nodded. “I did. It definitely does not sound like the making of a good situation.” 

Her thoughts went to the certainty in James’s voice. He hadn’t sounded insane or out of sorts. She could always tell when he wasn’t thinking straight because his tone of voice changed. His voice over the phone had sounded perfectly normal. A little stressed, but still normal. “Well, what do you think could be causing this?” Reaching the den, Maggie finally slowed her pace. “I know James isn’t imagining things.” 

“Yes, I heard your thoughts about his vocal stability. I do have one idea as to what could be causing this, but I am not positive.” He sat down next to Maggie, who had planted herself on a leather sofa near the center of the room. 

“We’ll take anything you’ve got. Just give us a picture of what we might be up against.” 

His partially transparent head shook back and forth. “I cannot do that unless I know for sure what we are dealing with. Tell Shane to alert us as soon as James sees anything.”  

Maggie stood and began walking around the room. “Shane, can you hear me in here?”  

“Copy that, Book Worm. Mr. Techie hears you loud and clear.” 

Maggie released a sigh. “Nice job sounding official, but now is not really the time.” 

“Sorry. I couldn’t help it. What did you find out?” 

“Malachi is hesitant to release the information this soon. He said to alert us the minute James sees anything out of the ordinary.” The floor creaked once more as she stood to go back to the kitchen with Sam, but Shane’s voice stopped her before she could take another step. 

“In that case, he might as well just tell us right now.” His voice shook. 

Maggie looked at one of the speakers above her as though it would help Shane see her worried expression. “Shane…what do you mean?” 

A long pause ensued in which Maggie could hear Shane and James’s voices going back and forth. She couldn’t make out anything they were saying, but she had a pretty good idea it involved James seeing something weird. The urge to intervene and ask what in the world was going on was overwhelming, but she restrained herself. Whatever they were trying to figure out, any interruption would only frustrate them more. As they mumbled on over the speaker system, Maggie once again began walking back toward the kitchen. 

Right as she spotted Sam at the counter, a sharp yell caused the speakers to fuzz.“They’re falling from the sky!” 

That was James! Maggie thought. 

“What is, James?” Sam inquired. 

Before James could answer, Shane’s shouting voice echoed through the kitchen. “Yow! Something just bit me!” 

“Will someone please tell me what’s going on?” Sam was pleading now. 

“I don’t know, I couldn’t see anything. It definitely felt bigger than a mosquito though.” 

“I saw it!” James exclaimed. “It was a snake of some kind. Any ideas, Sam?” 

Sam looked white as a sheet. “What, uh, what did it look like?” 

“Black with a metallic shimmer, and a flair around its head that popped out like some lizards have.” 

“What color was the flair?” 

“Reddish-orange.  And I’m pretty sure it had horns too!” 

He gripped the counter behind him with both hands, eyes wide. “James, you and Shane need to get out of there right now!”

A Penny For Your Heart (Is Worth More Than You Think)

Last week my family discovered a brand new hobby.  We sat down in the living room, all of us holding some sort of internet device, and gathered whatever spare change we could find in our house.  There were pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters EVERYWHERE.  All six of us were surrounded by the hundreds of coins that were scattered around the floor, and we spent at least three hours examining them and looking up their rarity on our various devices.  It was a blast!  And we learned something really amazing too!

Did you know that everyday some of the coins that pass through our fingers might be worth tens, hundreds, or even thousands of dollars, and we don't even realize it?

For example, the 1969-S Double Die Penny, a penny where some of the coins made in that year were misprinted and have double lettering, is one of the rarest pennies in existence.  One of these special pennies can be sold to collectors for around $20,000 or more!

Who knew that something so small, so old, and with such a tiny daily value could be so important and rare?  And to think, all of that worth is simply because this penny was different and imperfect.  I don't know about you, but I would sure like to be seen as valuable despite all of my imperfections.  And the cool thing is, with each year the 1969-S Double Die Penny grows a little bit older, a little more rare, and therefore, gets even more valuable on the market.  Crazy, right?

Anyway, these are the things I was mulling over yesterday, when God made an odd connection in my head.

I suddenly thought, "What if the value of a heart was measured in the same way as the value of a rare coin?"

Honestly, think about it.  Imagine if the human heart was one of these pennies.  When we enter this world we are totally unique.  Unused, unbroken, full of life.  Our brand new hearts, totally enveloped in Christ, start out pretty valuable on their own.  We haven't known heartbreak, haven't given ourselves to anyone but God, and carry a beautiful innocence.  Then we hit the teenage years, and life throws us for a new loop: Hormones.  This is when things get particularly complicated.  But if our heart's value was decided like a penny, that complicated nature might not be the case anymore...

What if there were several factors attached to the heart that could increase or decrease its rarity?  For a penny, its good condition and appearance will raise or lower its worth depending on the year.  What's inside matters too, since some pennies have a purer metal content than others.

What if that was the same for us?  What if we started out with several gifts that God has given us to save and take care of?  Gifts of physical and emotional affection?  These are gifts such as thinking nonstop about a person we love, holding hands, a kiss, and any sort of sexual activity.  But, of course, there would be a catch...

What if each of these gifts had a value of their own, and each time we used them they became less rare, and therefore, less valuable to the person who's eventually going to receive them?

If this was true, would I still be so eager to give in to the butterflies caused by romantic hand holding?  Would refraining from a kiss still be a struggle?  Would sex and physicality still be normal in our culture, or would it be a treasured gift to be reserved for someone who knows its true value?

This idea caught me totally by surprise, and to be honest, it made me sad.  If doing these things really did bring down our value, then where would I stand on the market?  I've never kissed or beyond, but I have broken boundaries of affection that I knew I shouldn't have.  Boundaries that I set in the first place!  I've struggled with thinking about a guy more often than I think about God.  I've emotionally invested into a few different relationships that I knew weren't good for me.

So, if my heart's value was based on it's rarity, would it be the 1969-S Double Die, or just an average everyday penny?

To be totally honest, I didn't like my results.

Even if you haven't done anything more than just thinking impurely, everyone has made mistakes in this department.  So does that mean everyone has decreased value?  And what did this mean for those who have given everything away, or who have been enslaved to the sex trade and don't have a choice?  Surely, that couldn't mean that their value is totally spent, and that they aren't rare beauties anymore.  Why would God show me all of this if that were true?

As usual, God had a purpose for this thought process, and he wasn't finished with the penny analogy either.

Because, just like a rare penny, each year we commit to honoring God with our whole hearts, our value increases.  

You know what that means, right?

It means that, no matter how much you've given of yourself in the past, it's never too late to bounce back.  As soon as you give that past to God and begin a new journey of purity, your heart will instantly have its original value.  Then you can start rebuilding your reputation for rarity (and increase the value of your heart)!  It's as if none of the past lust, regret, and heartbreak had ever existed!  How fantastic is that?  My heart soared at the thought, and I was so gloriously blessed by the undying grace of the King.  I've tried my best not to make mistakes, but they still happen.

The difference this idea made for me is that I don't have to view myself, or anyone else for that matter, as a poor broken heart anymore.  Instead we are beloved!  Forgiven!  We are children of the King, and we've been washed clean!

But be warned... To some people you'll still be seen as nothing more than an old, used heart.  When that happens, just remember:

Even the rarest penny appears average to those who don't know what to look for.

The right person will value the change in you (no pun intended), will notice the signs of your rare heart, and will treasure you because of it.  And someday, when you say "I do" with that one you've saved your heart for, the rare nature of your relationship will be evident to everyone that witnesses it, and they'll wonder what's different.  You'll be able to celebrate pure, white as snow passion, and you'll celebrate it together.  What a beautiful depiction of mercy!

I don't know about you, but starting now I want to work toward my heart becoming as rare as it can be.  I'm talkin 1969-S Double Die rare!  It's going to take acceptance of my past, repentance in the present, and some work and resistance in the future.  But in the long run I believe it'll be worth it, especially if God introduces a fellow rare heart into my life that desires that same purity.

Well, I hope this random little thought process was helpful to someone today.  I'm a creative person by default, so having an illustration like this one really helped me understand things a little better.  I know it definitely gave me some proper perspective.  Have a blessed week!

P.S. My first book signing is this Saturday (August 8th, 2015) at the Hastings Way Caribou Coffee in Eau Claire!  Come by and see me from 1-3pm!  Thanks!