Dear Hindsight: A Love Story Playlist

Dearest Hindsight,

They say you're 20/20, and they would be right. The walls of my mind and the pages of my journals stand as proof of the predicament that fact has left me in. There's this place in my chest where a beating, living, loving thing should be. I've searched it out, and what I used to find instead was scar tissue. Then I started removing the bandages. I allowed myself to feel pain, to feel scabs, to feel the itch that indicates healing. And now here I am. So, this one's for you.

Now, you're not all bad. You've been a blessing in disguise. A mistake made is a lesson learned, and a lesson learned is a mistake not repeated. Because of you, I have been saved many repeated mistakes, and so I owe you my gratitude. I've grown, I've found myself, and I've learned to look at you without aching. So, this one's for you.

And you're not just one person. No. You're every relationship that has made a grand entrance before making a bold exit. You're the times I was heartbroken, and the times I was the source of heartbreak. You're the rear-view mirror that keeps me moving forward, while continuously glancing back to ensure the monsters stay behind and never return, both yours and my own.

Consider this an honest tribute. To those I loved and left behind, in no particular order...

1. Story Of Us by Taylor Swift

To you, the one I fell for too hard and too fast. We started as friends, and never talked about how we truly felt, which left us in an awkward, unhealthy in-between. I liked you for a very long time, and you took the longest to get over. But I blame myself for a lot of how that went. I was young, and needy, and friendless, and it overwhelmed you. There was also a lot of outside pressure for us to be more than friends. After a while we stopped talking, and I didn't know why. You're also the first of two guys I've ever told "I love you," which, I'm pretty sure, is what scared you off. We didn't end on a good note, and we're not friends anymore. Unfortunately, I handled it the best way I knew how at the time, which was not great. You'll never see this, but I'm sorry.

2. Just Friends by the Jonas Brothers

To you, the guy who was my best friend for three years. You patiently listened to me complain about other guys, and I listened to you complain about other girls. We encouraged and advised each other. You once jumped into a snow bank just to cheer me up on a bad day. Then we grew, and wondered if we could possibly work as a couple. You were the first guy to purposefully tell me you liked me. It was snowing, and we almost slipped on some ice on the walk back. We went on one date. Then reality hit, and we realized our lives were about to head in very different directions. We ended things with a positive outlook, offering encouragement to one another. We don't talk anymore, and we live totally different lives, but we're both doing what we love.

3. Stomping The Roses by David Archuleta

To you, the guy who played the part almost perfectly. We started out well, going on adventures and talking about books. I genuinely enjoyed your company. But you were a better actor than I gave you credit for, and I'm still trying to figure out what was authentic. I cared about you, I was real and honest with you, and I still pray for you. You're caught in a cycle of emotional denial and insecurity that is going to lead harmful places someday. The most concerning part of that is you've convinced yourself that you're okay. But by not giving yourself time to heal from the hurt in your past, you're only damaging those around you. And maybe you don't even know you're doing it, but the result is emotional manipulation. I know I could have handled our relationship better as well. The brokenness in our relationship was a team effort. But when you walked away, I felt stronger on my own. And that was all the indicator I needed that ending things was the best gift you gave me. I sincerely hope you figure things out so that you and your future relationships can thrive. I mean that.

4. Giving Your Heart Away by Jessa Anderson

To you, the one who wasn't ready for a relationship. The first guy I ever gave the breakup speech to. The one I knew wasn't right for me, but convinced myself to date anyway, because for once I wanted to believe a guy really cared about me. Our relationship started on accident, due to a typo in a text message, which should have been an indicator right away that it wasn't a great idea. We were both lonely and broken, and we both used each other as an emotional crutch, while convincing ourselves it was more. I felt bad about dragging the relationship on for as long as I did, since I knew pretty early on that we wouldn't last long term. But hearts are funny things, and I didn't know whether I could trust mine. Because of that, you ended up brokenhearted, and I'm sorry.

5. Wait It Out by Jamie Grace

To you, the boys I barely dated, or only went on one date with, who hadn't figured out that women of God like men who approach them with intention. If you ever want to make it anywhere with women (or I guess I should say with women worth pursuing), there are some things you need to stop doing. For example, here are a few of the winning sentences that these boys have tried on me... Good grief...

"I have a lot of stuff and a house, and I figured it's time to find someone to share it with. So that's why I'm dating." (Wow...so romantic *gags*)

"We should hang out again sometime." (Was this a date? Are we just friends? What the heck is going on? You literally didn't explain anything.)

Him: "I really like you."
Me: "I like you too. So, what now?"
Him: "I don't know. What do you think?"
Me: *cue disappointed explosion noises in brain*
(Please, on behalf of all girls everywhere, make an intentional plan before starting this conversation)

6. More Like Falling In Love by Jason Gray

Finally, to You...

To You, the creator and lover of my soul. The One source of steady reassurance and encouragement in my life. The One who's been there through it all. You help me pick up the pieces each time my heart is on the floor. You keep my hope alive, and give me the strength to keep trusting. You prove Your love to me over and over. In all the chaos and confusion, in all my doubts and anxiety, in every moment, the only person I want to be, the only title I want to have is... "Yours."

Being fully known and fully loved by You is the greatest gift I will ever receive. You're so unbelievably good to me. You know exactly what (and possibly who) my future holds. It's all in Your hands.

My prayers for that "who" have not changed, by the way... The prayers I write about here, and in my journals, and in letters. Whoever he is, he is drenched in prayer.

I know he won't be perfect. Neither will I. But we'll struggle together, and work at struggling well. We'll encourage each other towards You, or we'll do our best anyway. He probably won't be anything like I expect, but he'll make me incredibly thankful that it didn't work out with anyone else. We'll make each other laugh, make each other cry, and annoy the heck out of each other in the best ways.


They say that Hindsight is 20/20, and they're right. But even though what's behind me may seem dark and painful, it's nothing in comparison to the light ahead, because the light ahead is You, and You know what's in store for me. Your plans are always good. You are my yesterday. You are my today. And You are my abundance of tomorrows.

I trust You, Abba.



Sincerely "Yours,"

Aly

Here's To The Nice Guys

 

You've heard it said in various circles...  "Nice guys finish last."  They've told you in order to get the girl you need to have an edge.  Take a walk on the wild side and keep the ladies guessing.  "Face it, girls only like the bad boys," they say.  And at this point you gentlemen are wondering why you even clicked on this blog.

Hang in there.  I'm here to prove those people wrong.

By the way, I should probably mention that, yes, I am a female.  Hi there...hello.  I tend to write a lot of posts geared toward my fellow gal pals, so if you're a dude and it's your first time on my blog, welcome!  This one's especially for you.  And if you've ever related to the "nice guy" label, keep reading.  I have something to say.  But, first, I have some apologies to make on behalf of our generation.

First of all, nice guys, I'm sorry you're so underappreciated.  You treat girls with respect, opening doors and pulling out chairs.  You're the listening ear, and the shoulder to cry on.  You endure the ups and downs of our emotional minds for the sake of friendship.  And instead of getting a thank you note, you get a speech about female empowerment and how we're so independent.  I beg you, be a gentleman anyway.  Listen, some girls just don't get it.  As young women, we've grown up in a society that shoves feminism down our throats.  We're told that we need to be only our own in order to make it in this world.  But, the truth is, we like your kindness.  If a woman doesn't appreciate a gesture of gentlemanly behavior, they aren't the type of woman you want to hang around anyway.  In a culture that tears down every ounce of old fashioned charm and class, please, bring chivalry back!

Second, I'm sorry that the world is so opinionated.  Lies like "boys are only after one thing," and "chivalry is dead" seem to be universally accepted at this point, and it paints a horrible portrait for those men who are actually trying to do what's right.  Because of this, girls approach the opposite sex with unbidden whispers of caution humming through the back of our minds.  Generalizations surround you before you even get the chance to speak.  You're told that having no control over your mind and body is natural, and that you shouldn't even try to change it.  This is the part I'm the most saddened by.  No one should be told that they can't better themselves.  No one should be told they can't find pure, innocent, God-given love.

Third and lastly, I'm sorry you feel like you have to hide who you are.  Guys who show emotion are bullied, and either told they should man up, or they should question their gender identity.  Girls can cry through a book or at a movie theater, even during commercials sometimes, and not be questioned.  If a guy sheds a tear in any situation, they're automatically made to feel like there's something wrong with them.  I'm sorry we've reached a point in our culture that looks at men who express themselves through music, theatre, or dancing, and automatically wonders if they're gay.  I know this is true, because some of the students I've met have been bullied about this in school.  Some of them even started believing it, and it's totally changed their lives.  I'm sorry you're made to feel like depression, anxiety, self-harm, eating disorders, and suicidal thoughts are only things that girls deal with.  It's just not true.  You're not alone.  I promise you, there are plenty of guys who deal with these issues.  I've counseled them before.  The only reason these problems seem more uncommon in the male realm is because all of you are made to feel like you can't talk about it.  It's not right.  Problems are not gender exclusive.

Ok, good.  Glad to get that off of my chest.  Now that the apologies are out in the open, I have some things to tell you.  You ready?


These.  Lies.  Don't.  Define.  You.


There, I said it!  The words that everyone is afraid for you to hear, because they know you'll change the world if you did.

You want the honest truth?  Guys are being used and abused right now like never before.  Do you want an example?  Growing up, the world feeds you exactly what is "normal" for a man to be.  They tell you that you can't control yourself, so why try?  Those lies are why prostitution is one of the top moneymakers in the world, why pornography can be seen pretty much everywhere (even store windows at the mall).  Think about this...

Have you ever considered how strange it is that everyone is told those urges and cravings are normal, and yet the very people defining what's normal happen to be making billions of dollars to satisfy those cravings?  And that's just one example!

So I repeat...

THESE LIES DON'T DEFINE YOU.

Guys, no matter what you do, how you live, the world will always have something to say.  This goes for girls too.  Our lies might sound different, but we're fed just as many lies as you are.  Listen, I believe that the "Nice Guys" are the leaders that God is going to use to set an example for men and women alike.  That means he's going to use you.  That's right, YOU.  The guy who's in the background, who does what's right (often without being noticed), who puts others first and wears his heart on his sleeve.  I don't care what others say.  You are appreciated, you are seen, and you are loved just as you are!  Please, don't sell yourself short and give up on your quest for kindness just because the world tells you kindness is weak.

In the Bible, it is very clear that everyone is created just as they are for a purpose, flaws and all.  Read it through.  You'll find that strength is found in weakness, and selflessness is a source of overflowing joy.  You'll find that some of the most prominent followers of Christ were extremely emotional.  David, a man after God's own heart, was a poet and a musician!  He poured his heart out in beautiful verse.  Moses was a shy guy who didn't even trust himself to speak.  Take a look, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised to find that the lines the world has been feeding you are far from the truth.

So this is my encouragement to you...

Show compassion.  Express yourself.  Be messy, and genuine, and honest.  Live bravely in kindness and purity.  Stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves.  Lead by serving.  Know that it's ok to be weak sometimes.  Follow in God's footsteps, no matter what judgments the world might send your way.  Allow yourself to make mistakes, but be willing to learn from them.  Laugh too hard when you're filled with joy, weep when you feel broken, and pray either way.  Know that it's stronger to lean on God than to stand on your own.

And when it comes to us, the good girls who feel totally outnumbered and alone, know that we exist.  We've been waiting our whole lives for a guy like you to knock on our door, and we'll continue waiting right here until you do.  We don't want you to be anything but absolutely yourself.  We've been praying for you since we first learned to speak, and in those prayers we've asked God to spare you from the lies of our broken culture.

Please, don't give up.  Don't give in.

So, here's to the Nice Guys.  Other people in your life will call you that as an insult, hoping to bring you down to their level and get you to join the bandwagon they all joined long ago.  But, to the right people, especially the right girl, that label will turn into a complement of the highest order.  Wait for her. And while you're waiting, trust in God, love life, and be yourself. Find your purpose and chase after it with every ounce of energy and talent you have. Get creative! And when she's supposed to enter your life, she will love that purpose just as much as you do.

You're loved by God, and there truly are young ladies who are extremely thankful men like you exist. So... Thank you.

Sincerely,

A "Good Girl"

Four Literary Friendzones That Actually Turned Out Okay

Hello, readers and fellow bloggers of the world!

So, I've been hearing a lot of negativity on this all-so-horrible subject called "the Friendzone" lately, and from someone who has personally experienced it, I've decided to speak up.  I truly feel like it's not as big of a deal as you're all making it out to be.  I mean, I hate to say you're wrong but...

You're wrong.

Come on, don't go marching off and telling me I don't understand.  I promise, I do!  I know what it feels like to be in that bubble of "Gosh, I like this person a lot, and I'm never even going to get to show it."  But, even though it can be kind of horrible and confusing, I've learned something incredibly important through those experiences...

By trusting the friendzone, we're basically denying our trust in God.

Now, don't get me wrong.  I know the "just friends" bubble exists.  But I also know this:

God created the stars in a day, created everything good and beautiful in this world, and yet for some reason we seem to think he can't turn a lovely friendship into something more.  He most definitely CAN do that.  But only by his will, and only in his timing.  If we can't trust him with that much, how are we ever going to trust him at all?

I feel like Jamie Grace's song, Just Friends, says it best...

Father I will place this in your hands

You know me and all my crazy plans

Humbly I surrender this to you

So I'll keep dreaming, you keep coming through

I know you see what I don't see

So I'll be just a friend, I'll be just a friend

I know that I will be happy

Even if we're just friends, I'll be just a friend

I guess that's that

To be honest, I'm a strong believer that the friendzone is actually one of the healthiest ways to begin a relationship.  If you want to know more on why I think the "Dreaded Friendzone" is actually important, check out the blog post here.

Basically, what it comes down to is that most of the things we desire in this world take wisdom and discernment in order to be cared for properly.  But they also take something else, which is the reason for the clock in that picture up there.

Patience.

Believe me, I'm preaching mostly to myself here.  If something is in God's will, it will happen, but only in his timing.  Sometimes his timing takes a little while, sometimes a lot of while.  Either way, good things come to those who wait, and that's the lesson I took away with me from the books below.

So, after that entirely long intro... Because of my extreme love for the written word, I have hand picked with care some of my favorite fictional couples that display the friendzone in a positive light.  I hope it inspires you and helps you see the beauty of what it can become, instead of just the "sorrow" of what it is.

Without further ado...in no particular order...here's a little hope for your week.

Annabeth and Percy from Percy Jackson and the Olympians by Rick Riordan

Her first words to him were "you drool when you sleep", they competed and teased each other to no end, and almost lost their lives countless times before finally noticing how much they had grown to care about each other.  Even then, their friendship always came first, and they would do anything (and have done everything) to make sure the other one is alright.  Not even Greek/Roman warfare or a walk through Tartarus could separate these two Camp Half-Blood regulars.

"Put your cap back on," I said.  "Get out!"

"What?"  Annabeth Shrieked.  "No!  I'm not leaving you."

"I've got a plan.  I'll distract them.  You can use the metal spider - maybe it'll lead you back to Hephaestus.  You have to tell him what's going on."

"But you'll be killed!"

"I'll be fine.  Besides, we've got no choice."

Annabeth glared at me like she was going to punch me.  And then she did something that surprised me even more.  She kissed me.

"Be careful, Seaweed Brain."  She put on her hat and vanished.

I probably would've sat there for the rest of the day staring at the lava and trying to remember what my name was but the sea demons jarred me back to reality. 

Emma and Mr. Knightly from Emma by Jane Austen

He knew her and loved her since she was practically a baby.  She considered him her dear friend who was sometimes a little too honest.  Their friendship was a roller coaster, filled with her dizzy, romantic schemes for her friends, and him trying to get her out of trouble.  But no matter how big of a mistake she made, he was always the one to love her just as she was.  I love this story, because the two people who thought themselves the most difficult person to love, ended up finding love in each other.

Emma was almost ready to sink under the agitation of this moment.  The dread of being awakened from the happiest dream, was perhaps the most prominent feeling.

'I cannot make speeches, Emma:' - he soon resumed; and in a tone of such sincere, decided, intelligible tenderness as was tolerably convincing. - 'If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.  But you know what I am. - You hear nothing but truth from me. - I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other woman in England would have borne it. - Bear with the truths I would tell you now, dearest Emma, as well as you have borne with them.'

Note: The quote is from the book, but the picture is from the web-series, Emma Approved, which is most definitely worth checking out.

Walter and Ashley from the Dragons in our Midst series by Bryan Davis

When they met she was a hired genius in a science lab, and much too old for his childish ways and endless humor.  Just a few years later, he's still just as annoyingly optimistic and sarcastic as ever, but it doesn't seem to matter as much to her any more.  He's rescued her and his friends on several occasions, and proven himself to be a man of real integrity.  Maybe he wasn't so obnoxious after all.  In fact, Ashley thinks, maybe she's the one who needs to loosen up and trust in his friendship that has been so constant all this time.

Tears welled in her eyes again.  She tried to swallow back the surge of emotion, but it leaked out through her trembling voice.  "Walter...you know what I said about you and me?"  She rubbed her thumb along his finger.  "Maybe someday.  ...I mean, when we're older."  Her cheeks flushed hot, and she shook her head.  "I guess I'd better shut up.  I'm getting all sappy."

Setting Excalibur on the steps, Walter rose to his feet and pulled Ashley to hers, keeping their hands locked together as he gazed into her eyes.  "Listen carefully.  We're going to find your brother, your sister, and even your father, and put your family back together.  Then, someday when I'm old enough to learn to be at least half the man your father must have been, I might come knocking at his door and speak to him about a lovely princess I'd like to have a lot more adventures with."

Her tears now flowing, Ashley laid a hand on his cheek.  It was hot and damp.  "Walter, I... I don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything.  We have at least a few years between now and then."  He picked up Excalibur and hurried down the stairs.  "We'd better get going." 

Anne and Gilbert from Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery

Smashing a school black board over someone's head isn't exactly the crowning way to start a relationship, but it seemed to work out for this pair.  In fact, I would go as far as saying that Gilbert Blythe is the KING of the friendzone.  Anne shunned him to no end, even after they became friends.  And yet, even after all she put him through and all the times she turned him down, he remained dedicated to her in friendship and "would not be sidetracked".  He knew she was the only one he could love, and so he waited patiently and respectfully for several years until she could find it within herself to love him too.  This is my favorite friendzone example.  I could have used any number of scenes as a sample of these characters, but I chose this one specifically because it's the first time Anne finds the notion within herself that there could be something more with Gilbert, and I think it's worded brilliantly.

"Yes, it's beautiful," said Gilbert, looking steadily down into Anne's uplifted face, "but wouldn't it have been more beautiful still, Anne, if there had been NO separation or misunderstanding... If they had come hand in hand all the way through life, with no memories behind them but those which belonged to each other?"

For a moment Anne's heart fluttered queerly and for the first time her eyes faltered under Gilbert's gaze and a rosy flush stained the paleness of her face.  It was as if a veil that had hung before her inner consciousness had been lifted, giving to her view a revelation of unsuspected feelings and realities.  Perhaps, after all, romance did not come into one's life with pomp and blare, like a gay knight riding down; perhaps it crept to one's side like an old friend through quiet ways; perhaps it revealed itself in seeming prose, until some sudden shaft of illumination flung athwart its pages betrayed the rhythm and the music, perhaps...perhaps...love unfolded naturally out of a beautiful friendship, as a golden-hearted rose slipping from its green sheath.

Well, I hope you enjoyed this attempt at a little sunshine in the middle of what is usually a negative subject.  And I hope even MORE so that you'll check out all these books for yourselves.  They're really fantastic!

Thanks for reading!  God bless!

Why I Love The Friendzone (And I'm Not Being Sarcastic About It)

Lately it seems like my world has been surrounded by dating/love/marriage conversation on all sides.  Ever since I started working as a server at the Florian Gardens (a popular destination for weddings and receptions) a year and a half ago, I've had married life pushing into my thoughts a lot.  It's probably a normal thing to think about at my age, but I've never really considered...well...how much there is to consider when it comes to this topic.

After working a number of weddings that's probably stepped past the 30s or so, I've learned a ton about couples.  After reading countless dating guides and watching every courtship, engagement, and wedding episode of 19 Kids and Counting with my family, I've realized how much it takes to make a relationship work.  And after growing up with 1940's musicals as my dream dating situation, I've gotten very used to the idea that the kind of love I idealize isn't newfangled; it's old fashioned (Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly anyone?).

My "first official date" taught me a lot about relationships.  

There was planning, tons of discussion behind the scenes on how to make it perfect, and the only one who didn't seem to have unbelievably high expectations for the occasion was me.  All I wanted was a simple evening where we could be ourselves, talk, and enjoy each other's company.  Yet, somehow, everyone else managed to convince us that we should want something much more complicated and straight out of a fairytale, and we made the mistake of listening.

We stressed over how we looked, we were scared to speak, and we constantly worried that it wouldn't be the "perfect story" that everyone else was expecting.  We had spent our entire friendship leading up to that date just being ourselves and not caring what each other, or anyone else, thought.  Then the moment we were thrown into a typical dating situation we felt totally different.  It wasn't our natural "make it up as we go" routine, and it was uncomfortable.  The date ended up turning out well, and the day itself was beautiful, but in that one evening I discovered why so many marriages don't work out...

Because people tend to live for the story, not for the moment.

To me it seems like most of this world... Actually, I would go as far as saying 90% of this world, assumes that the person who does dating well will also do marriage well.  What people don't realize is that these are two totally opposite things!  In dating, when it doesn't work you just move on and start over.  When you go out for an evening, the guy pays, the guy plans, and the guy is the one on whom the tone of the evening rests.

Now I'm not saying that a guy who does all that isn't attractive (in fact, a guy who offers to plan and pay is very attractive).

What I am saying is this:

Yes, the men are meant to be the head of the household and the point of leadership.  I totally believe that they were designed for that job.  I also believe that women were created to play the more submissive role, and to be the gentle support of the relationship.  But isn't it also true that the whole point of marriage is meant to be two people joining as one and working through things as a team?  A team where God leads you both forward amidst the messiness of life, understanding that the only perfection that will ever realistically exist in the relationship will be the perfection of Christ?

If you're going to date realistically, take turns going to each other's homes and hanging out with family.  If you want to do something just the two of you, why not make it classically simple.  Go to the movies, watching one you both want to see, or taking turns making a compromise (an action film for him, a chick flick for her).  Go to a park and talk about life.  Go bowling, and the loser can pay for coffee afterwards.  Be spontaneous, last minute, and messy!  Why?

Because life is spontaneous, last minute, and messy, and your marriage will be too!

We've grown too accustomed to the entitled lifestyle of perfectly planned and elitely organized dating expectations.  Every girl I know (including myself) has a Pinterest board full of detailed plans about what they desire for their future relationships to be, and if they don't they've at least thought about it a lot.  Believe me, I'm as guilty as the next female.  But if you think about it...

Doesn't it make more sense just to live, love, and choose to find joy in the simple things?

I think it does.

Now, at this point you might be asking, how does the friendzone fit into all of this?  Keep reading.  Trust me.  This was a really roundabout process, but I'm getting there.

I have known quite a few males and females alike who look for people who "date well".  To be honest, I've never understood the appeal.  I don't know about you, but something about the whole dating idea just seems so fake.  You could pretend the whole way through, and not even learn a thing about each other.  No... Not for me.

I'm far more captured when I discover a guy who exceeds relationally inside the honesty and vulnerability of close friendship.  There are no expectations, no pressure points (most of the time), and nothing to be gained or lost on either side.  Just two people who care about each other and want to know more.  That's all it takes.

In my mind: Friendship well = Marriage well.

If I can comfortably talk to you about anything and feel that my thoughts are being equally heard and considered, I will trust you.

If you can talk to me about anything and I find myself captivated by your honesty and compelled to open up my schedule for more quality time will you, you will be one step closer to winning my heart.

If I thirst for a Christ-centered, more faith based version of myself after each time we hang out, I will probably start inadvertently picturing our wedding day and naming our children.  (Weird, I know, but that's just how the female mind works).

Not a single date needed.

Eventually, when I do get married, I'm going to want someone I can watch the stars with on the driveway in the summertime, and listen to the rain with when it storms.  I'll want a hand to hold at the movies, and the comfort of feeling his arm around me at church every Sunday.  I'll want to go to lunch after church service and talk about the message, and then eventually share that tradition with our kiddos.  We could spend late nights together, planning trips, talking about life, and just plain dreaming for the future.  I hope I'll be able to tell what he's thinking, just by that certain look on his face.  Everything we plan, dream, and do will be done together.  We'll have trouble, and we'll disagree.  But God will always be at the center, and we'll use the love He has for us to make us a stronger, more closely knit couple.

And the most important part:

When two people who started in the friendzone begin a relationship, they'll never have to worry that the only motivation for becoming a couple was emotions.  When you start with friendship, the connection is raw, and unhindered, and real.  There are no butterflies, speeding heartbeats, or shimmering eyes to tell you that you love this person.  Just conversation, similarity, and trust.

From there, it's all based on character, and whether or not you feel called to the same things.  Not to mention, it's a whole lot easier to hear God speak on the matter when there aren't a bunch of fuzzy feelings charging through your system.  It's just a much healthier way to approach a relationship, and a simpler way to get to know if this is someone you would like to spend your whole life with.

So, to summarize...

I'm not saying you shouldn't date.  

Dating, or courting, or whatever you want to call it, is a healthy part of the process toward marriage, and I believe that special time together is important in order to get to know each other and learn if this is the person that God intends for you to be with.  That's when you start seeing how well you work as a couple.

However, dating should not be a perfect little box of happy, or something you do because of pressure. 

It should be the next level in a friendship heading toward marriage.

I believe that dating was not meant to be the very first step in a relationship.  This whole chain reaction should start with the base of a sturdy, laughter-filled, good old fashioned friendship.  The only place where two people are able to truly, honestly learn about each other without any sort of barriers or walls attached.

Because I don't want a date as my husband...  I need a lifelong friend.

One of my favorite Youtubers says it best in the video below.  The friendzone is just a way for God to show us his love, grace, and powerful ability to change hearts for the better.  It also teaches us patience, and forces us to fully put our trust in God.  Still need proof that the Friendzone is a great place to be?  Check it out...