Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts

February 2, 2021

Certain Uncertainties



"Trust His Process..."

That's the theme I was given at the beginning of 2021. It's just vague enough to leave me clueless about where my life is headed. And just specific enough to make me second guess my every move. For a planner like myself...that's what we like to call a nightmare.

I used to have a map. I knew what steps I wanted to take for the next 5-10 years. Now, I'm back to square one.

In 2020 I finally gave up. I opened my hands and let go of the one thing I've always been afraid to lose. The one thing I didn't know who I'd be without. I said goodbye to my theatre ministry. After almost 10 years of late nights, busy rehearsal schedules, 40-60 hour tech weeks, and building this thing from the ground up, the sandbag dropped and the curtain closed on my heart's stage. We had just achieved nonprofit status, which was the dream. Little did I know, only 6 months after receiving our approval letter, I would be filing our closing paperwork like it never happened at all. Since then it's felt like the only thing left in my hands are questions.

Where do I go from here? What am I supposed to be doing? Who am I, now that the me I've been growing into since I was 15 is gone? 

And the biggest question of all...

Was it worth it?

A lot of the kids I worked with in my ministry don't talk to me anymore. Most of them have just gotten busy, and so have I, so we only cross paths occasionally. Those I don't mind. That's just how life goes. We shared our moments and moved in new directions, which is the beautiful thing about theatre.

Some told me my ministry helped them grow, aided in their walk with God, and was their comfort in a dark season. These are the conversations I treasure and hold close to my heart. God didn't need my help to work in their lives, and he never will. But he chose to allow me to be a part of it, and that humbles me everyday. I'll never take that for granted. 

And then there are those who called over the years to pour out their souls. The ones who told me I caused them pain and sorrow. Mostly because I told them the truth that they never wanted. Maybe that's my fault. maybe they weren't ready for an honest conversation, and I should have picked up on that. Maybe I should have brushed off the struggles they were having and pretended not to know the answers. Or maybe doing the right thing is a recipe for the chopping block and burned bridges.

No matter which category each of those 80-plus actors fall into, my love and my thoughts still fall on each name equally. It's that fact that has given me the greatest glimpse of God's heart toward us. I learned that I'm capable of loving someone who curses me just as much as someone who blesses me, and if that's the only lesson I'm walking away with, maybe the 10 years really were worth it. My heart still misses and aches for each of them the same, and I can recall each one by name whether they were one of my actors for a day or 4 years.

How much more is God capable of remembering and loving us? That's a question I will find profound and incomprehensible for the rest of my life.

But as for my future, where does the line fall? 

All I know is that everyone seems to expect me to know what to do from here. But I don't. That's the most difficult part. I'm staring at a blank page. The line is blinking, waiting for words. And I don't have any. I had a plan for my entire life laid out, based solely on that theater company. And now I'm back where I started when I was 15, prayerful and unsure.

My friends have all moved on. Some are working big kid jobs, some have gotten married, some have had kids. And where am i?

I'm 25 years old, staring hard at my life and where I want it to go, and not seeing any answers.

So... What do I do? Where do I go? How do I recover from losing everything I wanted my life to be? I wish I knew. Every day without direction feels like a ticking clock in my mind. The only reassurance I have is this...

I know that God knows.

He knows what this year is going to look like for me. He knows what choices I'll end up making. He knows the process of me getting there. He knows. And because he knows—as much as I don't like it—I don't have to know. I just have to trust, and walk, and get up every day with the expectation that God has good things in store for me.

Not the perfectly planned, cookie cutter things in my head, because that's Aly's world and not reality. But good things. I knew my resolution theme at the beginning of this year would challenge me. And, sure enough, it already is. But isn't that what faith is? Walking blindly, and trusting that the waves will provide a stable place to stand? Just simply because God is the one controlling them?

Maybe this is my opportunity to step out on the sea and learn to walk. It'll be slow and I'll falter, but so did Peter. And I find it no accident that the writing project I've had on my mind for the past year and a half is also about that very man. God has a sense of humor like that, doesn't he?

Even though it would be easy to look at what's next with fear and bitterness and dread, and that's my natural instinct, I'm determined to face this differently. A blank page can be unnerving, but it can also be exciting. It means the possibilities are endless. 

Despite the unfortunate losses, so much good has also come from 2020. I started a business creating art that I adore and that brings people joy. I joined TikTok as a direct result of quarantine boredom, and ended up making some wonderful, faith-filled friends who I now talk to daily. I discovered new inspiration, willingness, and resolve that I didn't know I could find within myself. I've learned to listen to my health, and made better choices to accommodate it. I've grown closer to my family, and learned more about Aly in the past year than I did through 10 years of theatre directing.

The purpose of this post was mostly to make an update on where I'm at currently. But now that I've reached the end of this tale, I also want to offer encouragement, both to you, dear reader, and to myself...

Your life is not going to look anything like what you've planned out in your head. It's not. There will be pleasant surprises and unforseen tragedies. Your bets will lose, and sometimes the risks you take just won't pan out. But sometimes they will. So my advice is this:

Stop keeping score.

The longer you try to predict the future, the less time you have to just enjoy the ride. God already has the navigation set, and all he wants you to do is just take in the scenery. There will be heartache and sorrow. There will be loss and anger. There will be immense victories. There will be joy beyond compare, and love that stretches farthur and deeper than oceans. I know all of this because, as a writer, I know those are the ingredients that make an incredible story. And at the end of the day, that's what your life is. One beautiful, brilliant, moving, one-of-a-kind story. A story where only the author himself knows the ending.

In life, nothing is certain. And that's why "trusting his process" is bound to be both a wild ride and a beautiful adventure. But that's the point. That's where we reach the end of ourselves, and faith begins.

So, I suppose we should let go, right? Trust the author to do his job. Know that the overall plot will be better off because he can see the big picture. Allow ourselves to place our hope in a beautiful ending. Close our eyes, count to three, and just...

Jump.







May 11, 2020

Dear Men of God... 5 Things You Should Know



Now, before you feel the need to defend yourselves, I promise the purpose of this post is NOT to condemn and/or judge you. In fact, it's quite the opposite. The purpose of this post is appreciation and encouragement. So, if that sounds like something you've been needing, stick around! I'm going to dive right into it, in the blogger-typical numbered fashion. Here we go...


1. You're You For A Reason

The era we live in has made it harder than ever for men to just be themselves. Specifically men interested in the arts. More times than not, a passion for music, dance, theatre, or other creative endeavors will get you a one way ticket to a multitude of questions, usually about your gender identity. This can even lead to bullying. I'm a theatre director, so I've operated in the arts long enough to see it take place first hand. I think this trend goes all the way back to a very unfortunate lie that states men can't be emotional.

Who started that anyway? Since when does sentiment and having feelings make you less of a man? As a female, I'm here to tell you something very important: Emotions are not gender exclusive. Let me repeat that... EMOTIONS ARE NOT GENDER EXCLUSIVE. Think of King David in the Bible. God made him a musician and an incredible poet, but he was also a military leader and a mighty warrior. He felt things deeply, and it only aided him as a king and commander, because it gave him empathy towards his people. Being an artist, or being in touch with your emotional side, does not make you weak. The opposite is true. So if God has given you a spirit of deep sensitivity and passion, revel in it. He made you that way for a purpose, and he's going to use that part of you for amazing things.

(Also, guys with an emotional side are typically the ones we ladies find very attractive. Just sayin'.)


2. Women Who Desire The Biblical Model Of Marriage Do Exist

This point goes out to the single pringles. I know, I know, I'm "so old school" and I need to "get with the times." That's what most women would say to me anyway, and here's why...

I am one of those rare females who still believes that men are supposed to be the leaders of their household. Yep, did you hear that? That was the sound of a thousand feminists fainting at the very thought. But it's true! Just like the trinity is three in one, and each part has it's own purpose, so goes with marriage. I believe that it's possible for husband and wife to be a team, working together, while still having their own individual parts to play as outlined in scripture.

In our current generation, I know it seems like finding other men and women who want to follow this model is impossible. But we're out there. We exist, I promise. And, just like you, we're praying for a beautiful, God-honoring love story like that of Ruth and Boaz (Ruth 2:1-4:17), Moses and Zipporah (Exodus 2:15-22), Mary and Joseph (Luke 1:26-56, 2:1-7, Matthew 1:18-2:23), and Isaac and Rebekah (Genesis 24:1-67). Be patient and don't give up hope.


3. Masculinity Is Not Toxic. Humanity Is.

Again, this is probably the opposite of what you're used to hearing. Our generation has done men a great disservice, and I'm not afraid to say so. I've seen the resulting frustration in my own household, as it leaves my brothers, who are the sweetest men alive, feeling downtrodden and stepped on. Women have presently decided to blame the entire male gender for the crimes of the few, and it sickens me for both sides. I ache for the women who were hurt so badly that they felt the need to take it out on everyone around them. And I ache for the men who are now harassed and yelled at for being chivalrous. Everything is backwards.

Call me crazy, but I am a woman who is overjoyed when a man opens the door for me, helps me put on my coat, and pays for dinner. Show me some of that classic gentlemanly charm, and I'm sold! I'm also a lady who greatly appreciates men leading the relationship. I will fall head over heals for a man who pursues my heart with prayer and planning. The majority of my female friends agree! Boys who confuse and play games might be alright for some. But the right woman will appreciate your intentionality.

We live in a fallen world, which means those who seek God's direction are going to be constantly tried and tested. But take heart. You're not alone.


4. Mental Illness Isn't A "Female Problem"

This is a societal belief that hides in the shadows and goes unspoken. It goes hand in hand with the assumption that men can't or shouldn't be emotional, and this point aggravates me more than all the others.

I work in youth ministry, and if I had a dime for every teenage boy who shared their mental health struggles with our leadership team - expressing that they've never been able to share this information with their friends or family members before - I would have a lot of dimes. What's even worse is when they DO share these struggles with their friends and family members, but are told to "push through it," "man up," "don't give in to weakness," and "stop being dramatic." I'm sorry, but neglecting another person's emotions, especially with dangerous struggles like self-harm and suicidal thoughts, is unacceptable. If someone in your life has treated you this way, I want to offer my sincerest, deepest apologies on their behalf. Mental illnesses, just like emotions, are not gender exclusive.

You're not broken. You're not "less Christian" because you struggle with anxiety, depression, anorexia (because boys can have eating disorders too), etc... You're not weak. In fact, you're stronger than most because you have more to fight through everyday. You're not less of a man for dealing with this. It's okay to need space to breathe. It's okay to feel hurt. It's okay to get frustrated. Just don't stay there. If I've learned anything from my years in ministry it's that, first, everyone has problems, and second, people are going to find a way to judge and demean you no matter what that problem is. Don't let them. Work towards seeking help. Talk to a therapist or your pastor or both (both is good). Surround yourself with healthy people who will aid the problem instead of make it worse. Accept that the issue exists, and then don't let it win.

My favorite quote recently is by Eleanor Roosevelt, and it says, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." You don't have to let them hurt you. That's up to you. You're a man of God either way, and you have a choice, so choose wisely.


5. You Are Loved Abundantly

The most crucial point of all... You are loved abundantly by the perfect Creator who made you. When he put you on this earth, he designed you exactly as intended, not a hair or cell misplaced. It doesn't feel like it all the time, I know. You look in the mirror or lay awake at night, and you hate yourself sometimes. You might even wish you were someone else.

Don't.

Because while your time is devoted to self-loathing, there's a very big God who's thoughts for you outnumber the grains of sand (Psalm 139). He will never leave you or forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6), he will strengthen you and help you (Isaiah 41:10), and if God is for you, who can be against you (Romans 8:31)?

There is more power, grace, and compassion on your side than you realize. Dwell in it and soak it in. Allow it to fill you up.


There's probably a lot more I could write, but these are the main points I wanted to send your way. I hope you found them encouraging! Don't let the world define who you are. That's God's job, and he does it perfectly! God bless!

Your sister in Christ,

- Aly




March 24, 2019

The Me That I Am



I met someone new;
An intriguing acquaintance, now mine.
A voice that rang bells. Eyes like ghosts.
And a door opened.

-

Lips as red as the bleeding heart on her sleeve.
It didn't take long to notice,
She was a cocktail of emotion.
She moved through life like a bullet.

-

A name settled on the tip of my tongue,
Unbeknownst to my mind.
Recognition, but no placement.
She remained a mystery.

-

We struck up conversation
Like one strikes a match.
Words passed.
Time didn't.

-

I knew her face so well,
Yet identity still escaped me.

-

Something happened.
Movement caught my eye.
She adjusted her glasses, and there it was.
The quirk gave it away.

-

Me.

-

How could that be?
This reflection wore my face,
But not my flaws.
She was...more.

-

There was passion in her presence.
I looked at her shoulders.
The usual weariness was gone.
I was breathless.

-

I barely recognized her
Without the boulder on her chest.
Where was the inhibition
that lived behind her teeth?

-

She loved like the first breath
And gave like the last.
She looked at hurdles with narrowed eyes
And jumped.

-

She glided past rejection.
She broke.
She let go.
And then shared her heart anyway.

-

She was green tea and ginger;
Adding warmth and spice to life.
She was a novel from 1945;
Old fashioned, with scribbled thoughts on every page.

-

She was the desk in her room,
As shamelessly messy as her mind.
She was unshaken, creative,
Knowing, undefeated.

-

She learned from the past,
Laughed in the present,
and faced the future with anticipation.
All three were friends to her.

-

My soul wept at the sight of her.
Father, will I ever get there?
I asked.
I want to be who she is.

-

I wanted the restfulness in her eyes.
I wanted the contagious joy in her posture.
I wanted to trust no matter what.
I wanted to step out on the sea and believe I could stand.

-

Lord, when will I be her?

-

The answer came,
Whispered.
Waves of tenderness
Crashed on the shore of my soul.

-

You are.

-

Just two words,
And all I could do was breathe.
My lips fell open.
My eyes fell closed.

-

That answer was impossible,
Yet, somehow, believable.
The Creator said it.
It must be so.

-

My heart and brain sped.
The previously new acquaintance vanished.
It was just me.
But not really.

-

There was also Him. The voice's keeper.
Unshaken, creative,
Knowing, undefeated.
Him.

-

And He was the reason
I found those two words so believable.
In His death I gained life.
In His brokenness I was made whole.

-

The rest was history.
My existence defined in two words.
Made with a purpose, unstoppable,
Even by my own shortcomings.

-

The inheritance of royalty
Given to a beggar on the street.
How great the Father's love for us!
How vast beyond all measure!

-

That was the first day God introduced me
To myself.
And ever since I've been discovering
The me that I am.


(Photo Credit: Natalya Bartelt)



January 30, 2019

That's What I'm Looking For...




Lately I've been wrestling with a question.

Well, not just lately. I've been struggling with this question for a long time now. It's just recently, after writing a play about a love story and then walking through a breakup shortly after, that I've actually had the time to really ponder this conundrum all over again. That question is this...

What is love?

I know the typical answer, from a Christian perspective, is that "God is love." That's true, and I treasure that truth in my heart. But at the moment I'm talking about romantic love. I've been turning it over and over in my mind, and I just keep coming up short. I've even interviewed people I know on the subject, asking questions about how they and their significant other met and when they "knew" this was the person they'd spend the rest of their life with.

Was it a bolt of lightning or writing on the wall? Was it some magical fuzzy feeling, or something they said? Was it a particular list of things they had in common?

The evidence I've found has been...inconclusive at best. Everyone's story is different. All lovely, all perfectly orchestrated by God in his perfect timing. But all different.

Today, when I was asking God more questions, he placed my favorite book series on my heart. I haven't touched its pages in months, which is unusual for me. Over the years it seems I've constantly gone back to that one series to find deeper wisdom, and allowed God to speak to my heart from it.

That series is Dragons in our Midst by Bryan Davis.

Today God brought to mind two specific quotes from that series. Quotes that I used to have memorized, and yet now had almost totally forgotten. Apparently, I needed a refresher.

Boy, did I ever.

The first quote is from Tears of a Dragon (Dragons in our Midst, Book 4, pages 103,105)

When it comes to being a godly wife someday, this quote always convicts me, because these are points that involve patience, and I am not good at that. But I'm growing, and I have a feeling I'll keep coming back to this passage as I do.

And not only does this apply to being a godly wife, but as a sister, a daughter, and a friend, too.

    Bonnie glanced around at all the quiet activity. "Isn't anyone going with Walter?" she asked. "He looked really upset."
    Marilyn spread one arm around Ashley and one around Bonnie. "There's something I've learned about men. They're indispensable. Well, not all men, I suppose, but at least the good ones. In one way, they're fiercely independent, holding their own beliefs and passionately following visions that no one else can see. They need time alone to gather their thoughts, seek God's counsel, and get reenergized. But, when they get back together, they lay aside their differences and forge an unbreakable unit, like a single sword that rips through their enemies with furious rage."
    Ashley pulled away from Marilyn's embrace. "I think I understand what they're feeling. I'd like to be alone for a while, too." She strolled toward the trees, waving behind her. "I'll be back."
    Marilyn kept her arm around Bonnie. "Looks like it's you and me, kid."

(Skipping down a little bit to where the conversation picks up again)

    (Marilyn) wrapped her arms around her legs and pulled them closer. "Trials change a man, you know. They make a godly man stronger, wiser, a better leader, and, believe it or not, more humble."
    Marilyn nodded toward Billy. He was shining the pendant's light on a page of Fama Regis, carefully studying the glowing letters. The light flashed back into his face, trimming his skin in scarlet and brushing his hair with reddish highlights. Bonnie smiled. Billy looked more like his father than ever before.
    "Whatever you do, Bonnie, give him room to be a leader. Give him time to fill out his masculine frame, always supporting him with love and encouragement. If he drags himself home from a defeat on the battlefield, impatient nagging will just cut his legs from under him, but an encouraging word will puff his chest out and make him charge back into battle. He needs a woman to inject him with power and purpose, because a good man draws his sword for only one reason, to protect his wife and children."
    Another tingle raced across Bonnie's skin, and her heart thumped. Her soul drank in the words as Marilyn continued.
"The mind-numbing complaints of a shrieking shrew will pour acid in his cuts and squeeze dry his masculine energy. But the tender hands of a loving wife will salve his wounds and open the floodgates to power from above."

This conversation totally put things in perspective for me. And it opened my eyes to the fact that I handled so many things incorrectly in my past relationships. I love how beautifully this is worded, and I ache to be this kind of person so desperately. To be the kind of woman who lifts up the men in her life, and infuses them with the strength and energy to charge onto the spiritual battle field.

The other thing I've learned about love from this series, though, is that being a godly wife first requires the commitment of a godly man. That's where the next passage comes in. Without a doubt, this is my favorite conversation in any book I've ever read, and the pages of this chapter are worn to prove it. These words always bring a smile to my face and light a flame within me, spurring me on to wait for a man who will see me this way.

This passage is from The Bones of Makaidos (Oracles of Fire, Book 4, pages 483-485)

    Clearing his throat and hoping to keep his voice steady, he said, "So does that mean you don't want to marry me?" He cringed. Was that too bold?
    (Bonnie's) face displayed half amusement and half anguish. "No, no. That's not it at all. I just want to know that I don't have to marry you. I want us both to be sure that we want to. If you love me, I want you to pursue my heart with your courage, your kindness, and your godly manner. And I want to freely give my heart to you in love, not by compulsion because of a prophecy that seems to chain us together without a choice."
    As she continued, tears streamed down both cheeks. "Ever since Someone labeled me as the prophetic virgin bride, I was okay with it, because you're such a great guy, but it felt like an arranged marriage. We didn't have any choice. Then, when I heard that the prophesy might not be for us, I felt free. I didn't have to marry you if I didn't want to."
    She caressed his cheek, her voice shaking. "But that's a good thing, Billy. If we really do get married, neither one of us will ever wonder about being bound by someone else's words, a predestined edict that denies our free will and forces us to obey its irresistible decree. Instead we can come together by a choice to love that is free and resistible, because if we aren't able to choose to walk away from each other, then our coming together wouldn't be because of love at all, would it?"
    As she drew back her hand, a torrent of conflicting emotions flooded his mind. She was so right. Being bound like that wouldn't be love. Freedom to choose a life partner was the basis of love in the first place. Being dragged by fiat into a relationship would be nothing more than bondage. Still, not knowing for sure that he would forever be with this amazing girl nearly tore him apart. Finally, he squeezed out a reply. "I...I think you're right. But it's scary. It was kind of..." He paused. The words had to be just right. "It was comfortable, I guess, knowing that you would be in my future. I didn't have to guess what was going to happen."
    Her fists clenched in her lap. "But I don't want you to be comfortable. I want you to win my heart. I want you to fight for me, sweat for me, bleed for me. I want you to know that you had to pay a valuable price for me, and that I am a treasure in your mind, not a trophy that was handed to you because of a divine proclamation."
    Billy looked into her fiery eyes. She had been bold, confident, and true. Again, she was right, and he couldn't say a word.
    She laid her palms on her chest, covering the sunburst on her uniform. Then, slowly, ever so slowly, she extended her arms, her palms up. "Here is my heart, Billy. It's yours if you want it. But you have to buy it. And since it's the most valuable possession I have, it will be very expensive."
    He glanced between her palms and her pleading eyes. "How much will it cost me?"
    With a quivering smile, she wept through her words. "Everything. It will cost you your life, your devotion, your commitment to love me for the rest of your life till death do us part." Sniffing back a sob, she added, "But don't answer now. I don't want words. Show me. Show me that you'll pay the price for my heart, and I'll show you that it's worth every drop of sweat and blood you spend."
    Billy cupped his hand over her palms, making a covering for her "heart." Firming his jaw, he pushed every ounce of energy he had into his voice, giving it strength, yet a sense of calmness, like a lighthouse in the midst of a storm. "Watch me, Bonnie. We have battles ahead. We have enemies to conquer. And we have women and children to protect from some of the greatest evils imaginable. But I will not neglect this mission. I will show you how much you mean to me, how precious your heart is to mine. And when you see how much I'm willing to pay, then you can decide if it's enough to buy what is priceless."

The very idea of a man ever loving me this much is unfathomable to me. Honestly, I could type up this entire series scene by scene for examples of beautiful godly relationships. I've been reading about these characters since the 5th grade, and I've gotta tell you, even though the men in these books are far from perfect, they set the standard at an early age.

I don't want to settle.

Not when it comes to being a godly woman. Not when it comes to finding a godly man. And definitely not when it comes to building a godly marriage.

I have this list. It's the typical "I Need A Guy Who..." list that every girl makes when waiting for her husband to come along. Mine has well over fifty points to it so far. But God convicted me about that a few months ago.

"You only need one," he said. "Let me give it to you."

So, I opened my heart, and he did. That one standard is this...

"Can I serve God better with this man by my side than I can without?"

This hit me so hard. Especially when I realized that, so far, for every guy I've ever dated, the answer was no. Every single one.

Honestly, though, it's not their fault. The realm of ministry I'm in is so, so hard. It's the type of ministry that you can't really get away from when you go home. I'm painstakingly aware that the guy God sends my way is going to have to be prepared for so many things, and he's going to have to put up with having a crazy theatre ministry director as a wife. I get it, that is not normal. He's going to have to be very special and unique, and I'm counting on it. I won't settle for anything less.

So...if my future guy happens to be reading this...

Here's my heart.

It's yours if you want it. But you have to buy it. And since it's the most valuable possession I have, it will be very expensive. It will cost you everything. Your life, your devotion, your commitment to love me for the rest of your life till death do us part. But don't answer me now. I don't want words. Show me. Show me that you'll pay the price for my heart, and I'll show you that it's worth every drop of sweat and blood you spend.

January 1, 2019

Bits and Pieces: The Shadow



(Please enjoy this excerpt from the revised and refreshed 2nd edition of The Iridian Dagger from my Fluents and Shadows series, coming Spring 2019!)

***

A few moments later, after picking up a few scattered papers that had drifted into the hallway and tossing them back into the office, James closed the door. Try as he may, he couldn’t keep himself from shaking. He leaned on the door handle for a moment to maintain his balance. How was he supposed to explain this? Because of his untimely visit, he was likely to be the number one suspect in the murder of Andrew Harris.
“What next, James? What next?” He mumbled to himself, only half aware of anything around him. “Let go of the door, take a deep breath, and move!”
“Hey, is everything okay?”
The voice made James look up with a start. Jared was standing just a few feet away. There was a quizzical look on his face. “Yeah, I’m fine.” James lied.
Jared obviously wasn’t falling for it. He took a few steps forward and placed a concerned hand on James’s shoulder, examining his most likely very pale face in the process. “Are you sure? Because you look like you're dying.”
James finally forced himself to let go of the door handle and somehow managed to put on a grim smile. “I’m just feeling kind of lightheaded. Do you know when my mom is supposed to come in today?”
“She just pulled into the parking lot, actually. Would you like me to send her this way?”
“I’d appreciate that.”
“Do you want anything for your head? Some pain meds? A peppermint maybe?”
James shook his head. At this point he didn’t think anything would help the sick feeling go away. “No, I think I’m good. Thank you, though.” James turned quickly to walk away, but Jared caught the top of his backpack to slow him down.
“Hey, by the way, I still want to read one of your short stories sometime if that’s okay. Your mom brags them up all the time.”
James stumbled over his words. “I’ll email one to you.”
“Great! I'm looking forward to it.”
With that, Jared left the office wing, and James regained the ability to breathe.  
That is, until his mom arrived.
Worry was etched on her forehead. “James, Jared told me to rush in here and see you. Why aren’t you at your internship?”
“Mom… Andrew is…um…”
And it was here, at this moment, that James’s adrenaline was no longer enough to hold back his emotion. Tears began to escape their prison in the back of his throat. His head was swirling, so he sat down slowly and leaned up against the wall. He couldn’t speak anymore. The only reaction to her question he could manage was a long, sorrowful look in the direction of Andrew’s office door.
When he looked back at his mom, her expression had changed from question and worry to pure terror as her eyes darted to the door. James watched her closely.  Suddenly he was even more afraid than he had been, if that was even possible. Something in her tense posture told him that there was much more to this situation. He didn’t know how yet, but his mom had known this would happen. Maybe not when. But that was a look of dread on her face, not surprise.
“Mom?”
She blinked, as though just remembering he was there. Then she stared for several moments, right through his eyes into his thoughts, scanning for emotional damage like mom’s so often do. A moment later she was kneeling in front of him, her hands squeezing the very life out of his own. “James, everything is going to be okay, but I need you to do something very important for me. Do you trust me?”
The oddly placed question on the end made him hesitate, but James wiped his eyes and nodded. He did trust her. Of course he did. But the fact that she felt the need to ask made him uneasy. What kind of situation had he walked into? “Mom, you’re freaking me out a little bit.”
“I know I am, and I promise I’ll explain everything later. But right now I need you to find Jared and ask him to drive you to your internship.”
Wait…what? His internship? How could he possibly function at an internship after this? That didn’t make any sense. “I don’t think I can, Mom.”
“You have to, James. Please, for your safety and mine, you have to go.” She stood and offered a hand. Her voice was still steady, but there was urgency in her eyes. “Quickly now, before we have unwelcome company.” Once he stood, she was practically shoving him toward the lobby.
“Unwelcome company? Mom, what the heck is going on?” He turned to face her when they reached the door and placed his hands forcefully on her shoulders. “Mom! Confused, scared, and impressionable teenage boy here. Talk to me, please!”
She took a few nervous breaths before answering. Her tone was much lower this time, and she didn’t blink once, which put James even more on edge. “I love you, kid. But if you insist on exercising your famous curiosity today I will knock you out with a tranquilizer and stuff you in Jared’s trunk myself.” Despite the sarcasm, there seemed to be a note of finality in her words that James tried extra hard to ignore.
“Noted.” He said, feeling his eyes grow wider.
“When you get to Jared, tell him to enact Code Omega. He’ll know what to do from there.”
Code Omega… James thought he recalled the meaning of that word from a Latin class he’d taken once, but he promptly ignored the nudge. “Got it. Anything else?”
“Yes, just one more thing.” She leaned forward.
The hug James received next was pretty much the worst thing he had ever experienced. It was tight, and tense, and nearly forced all the air from his lungs. It was the opposite of the typical mom hugs that he loved so much, and that was the final push that made him realize he needed to stop asking questions and obey her request. Something was seriously wrong, and something told James if he wanted to stay alive long enough to find out what he would just have to go along with this.
Jared popping Cheetos into his mouth in the lobby was the very next thing he saw.
“Jared.” James voice shook as he approached the desk.
“Hey, you’re back! Would you like a…um…” His snacking invitation trailed off as soon as he saw James’s face. “Talk to me. What happened?”
“My mom said you’re supposed to, uh, bring me to my internship and enact Code Omega.”
James had never seen a personality change so fast. It only took a moment of realization, and then the once bubbly college student stood up with a military-like straightness. Eyes still trained on James, Jared reached for something under the desk with direct precision.
With all that had happened in one morning James wasn’t sure how much of his own vision he could trust, so when the receptionist pulled out a pistol and tucked it in the back of his khakis, James barely reacted. Jared then grabbed a gray jacket, putting it on to cover the weapon, and stepped out from behind the desk.
“This way.” Jared placed a protective hand on James’s shoulder and began leading him toward the back employee exit. “We need to get you out of here.”
“What about my mom?”
“She’s more than a little capable of taking care of herself, James. More than you know. Trust me, she’ll be just fine.”
“Jared, what – ?”
“No more questions, please. The more we say out in the open, the more danger comes to those you care about.”
The amount of words begging to escape from James’s thoughts just then was at an all time high. Even so, he kept his mouth shut as requested, allowing himself to be swept along toward Jared’s car. James barely recalled even getting into the passenger seat before he and Jared were getting out again outside of the Minnesota Science Museum.
“Is there a name I need to know? A supervisor, someone you were supposed to meet when you got here?” Jared asked.
“Yes.”
“Do you have something with his name on it that you could show me?”
“Um…” James reached into the pockets of his jeans. The front two held a rubber band and a folded piece of paper (most likely containing a story idea or two). There were a couple paperclips as well. His back right pocket, however, held a business card. James passed it underhandedly to Jared.
“Perfect. Just the name I was hoping for.”
“You know him?”
“You bet. We go way back.” Jared held the door open for James. “He kind of hates me though, so when we get inside it would probably be best for you to do the talking.”
“Me? I have no idea what’s even going on!”
“Exactly! He hasn’t met you, and you’re clueless. Two very good reasons for me to keep my mouth shut.”
“Gee, thanks. Remind me to throw you under the bus next time the opportunity arises.”
“Will do, friend. Will do.”
Upon entering the lobby of the familiar museum, James sent his focus upward to look at the huge pterodactyl skeleton that was hanging overhead. Laughter echoed around the open room, coming from a group of kids that were happily staring at a wall near the far edge where several tubes of water ran from floor to ceiling. Bubbles floated up the tubes in a synchronized order to create varying shapes, a giant smiley face in this case. There was a map of the world covering the floor. Colors were everywhere. This would have been such a cool place for a summer internship.
Would have been.
James had received his staff lanyard the week prior, so he didn’t have to stop at the front desk this time. That was a relief. The ability to head straight for the less public staff offices without stopping was a blessing James would have normally taken for granted. But not today. Or it would have been a blessing, if a security guard hadn’t stopped him just a few feet from the door.
“I’m sorry.” The guard said gruffly. “I’m going to need to scan before you enter. It’s just a safety precaution.”
“Um, okay.” James said anxiously.
Jared gave James a curious, bent-eyebrow expression, as though asking if this was normal.
James shrugged, shaking his head. This was an unusual occurrence at the museum.
The guard extended his scanner. At first everything seemed just fine. James had to remove the paper clips from his pocket, but obviously that wasn’t a problem. Then the scanner reached his backpack. A crazy amount of beeping sounded.
“I need to ask you to remove your backpack.”
What could possibly be in there that would set off the scanner like that? The answer hit James like a pillowcase full of rocks. He gave Jared a worried look as the guard began unzipping the pack and mouthed, “Help me.”
Jared stepped forward. “Sir, may I ask why the museum is doing scans today? From my understanding this isn’t a normal thing around here.”
“The museum has had some problems with theft lately, and they believe it might be an inside job. I’m here to make sure that’s not the case.”
“Okay, but when did you start working here? For all I know you could be a guy off the street going through our personal possessions. Do you have a badge, or some sort of proof that you have clearance?”
There was the slightest shift in the guard’s expression. He zipped the backpack. “It doesn’t look like there’s anything of consequence in your bag. You’re free to enter.” He smiled with a stern brow. “Have a nice day.”
James turned swiftly away from the guard, and then he and Jared walked into the office portion of the building.
“Well, that wasn’t the least bit suspicious.” Jared stated after the door had closed.
“Not at all.” James agreed.
“What do you have in there that set off his scanner?”
James started sweating even harder than before. “That’s a difficult question to answer, and I probably shouldn’t until we’re someplace private.”
“Okay, temporarily ignoring your scarily vague statement, do you know where Samuel’s office is?”
“I do, actually. Right this way.”
They started off down the hall.
Meanwhile, James was trying to decide which he was more uneasy about. The unexplained circumstances that lay behind him, or the ones that lay ahead. They both seemed equally captivating, and both demanded his attention. However, the more he thought, the more anxious he became. By the time they reached Samuel’s office toward the end of the winding hallway, James’s stomach had managed to tie itself into so many knots he feared it would never unravel. Something deep inside was telling him that somehow his dad was the connecting factor, but in what way he didn’t have the slightest clue. All he could think to do was send up a short prayer.
Dear Lord, I don’t know who this Samuel guy is, but help him to have answers. And help me not to puke all over his office. Amen.

Maggie gradually made her way through the maze of towering bookshelves on her route to the kitchen. The library, which overtook the center of the large room, was her favorite place in the whole house. The window seat on the back wall was the perfect place for reading, and the high ceilings created space for her thoughts to take flight. Most people would find this many books intimidating, an army of parchment surrounding their next helpless victim. But to Maggie, they were a comfort, old friends that were always there. She had spent many rainy days in this room, reading book after book and experiencing adventures beyond her imagination. She had every shelf memorized, as well as its contents. She loved the smell of aged paper that filled the room. It was her favorite smell, and it made her feel at home. These were more than just books; they were her family.
But none of them were nearly as dear to her as Sam.
Sam had been her only family as far back as she could remember. She had no parents around, or siblings. None that she knew of. And she had figured out very early on that Samuel wasn’t her real brother. Sam had taken Maggie in when she was only three, and that was all he would ever tell her. All she knew of her family was based on a scar on her neck behind her left ear. She had never paid much attention to it, though. Her hair had always been kept long to keep it hidden. Sam had always told her it was to protect a valuable battle scar. She had never managed to work out what he meant by that.
Either way, it hadn’t been hard to figure out that she and Sam weren’t related. His straight blond hair had always stood out next to her brown curls. But no matter how many times she asked, Sam refused to talk about her parents. He had many secrets, which sometimes drove her crazy. Even so, he had been her dearest companion through the years, and she trusted him with all her heart. It was just her and Sam, and she was all right with that.
Maggie pushed open the door to the kitchen and stepped inside. The room still smelled like the pancakes and bacon they had devoured for breakfast. After a quick look around, she sighed happily. Her book was on the counter right where she had left it. The Day Boy and The Night Girl by George Macdonald, such a classic.
Book in hand, Maggie was just about to leave the kitchen in the direction of her reading nook in the loft. Before she could take more than two steps, however, Sam burst into the room with a worried expression creasing his brow.
“And you’re certain?”
Maggie sat down and watched him pace back and forth with a cell phone to his ear. Judging by his tone of voice, something very bad had happened at work in his absence.
“Hold on…you didn’t find him first? Oh, this is grave indeed. I feared this would happen. Are they on their way to my office? Very good. We will leave immediately. God be with you.” Sam ended the call and hurriedly stuffed the phone in his pocket. “It’s happened.”
He was trembling so badly that Maggie thought he might fall over. He ran the anxious fingers of one hand through his hair while supporting himself on the table with the other. Maggie didn’t even need to ask. She knew exactly what “it” indicated.
“Samuel, is he…” Maggie swallowed, trying not to let the fear show in her voice and failing miserably. “Is he dead?”
Samuel shook his head and took a deep breath. “I don’t think so.”
“If he’s not dead, then what…” Maggie couldn’t finish. Suddenly she didn’t want an answer to her question.
Samuel could guess what she was getting at. “I’m afraid the alternative is much worse.”
Sam straightened up with a breath of urgency. He stepped over to her, reaching down to take her hands into his. Maggie let him guide her to her feet, and they stood toe to toe. She could tell he was trying to keep his emotions in check.
“Maggie, the entire world has changed for us in the past ten minutes, and I’m going to ask that you pretend that’s not the case. Can you do that for me?”
She nodded shortly, putting on the bravest face she could muster despite her racing heart.
“They’ve blocked off Andrew’s office, the history center is closed down until further notice, and all the employees have been sent home. They’re honoring his wishes, and are transporting him to a safe facility. I’m going to give you a choice. You can come with me, or you can go with the agents who are transporting Andrew until I come for you.”
Was this even real? She had always wanted to go on a field mission with Samuel. But under the dire circumstances she tried not to let the anticipation show. “I’m going with you, of course. I wouldn’t even dream of doing anything else.”
“Okay. But, Maggie, that means if I tell you to do something, you have to do it. No questions. These people are dangerous, and they wouldn’t think twice about killing a seventeen-year-old girl. You need to promise me that you’ll be constantly on your guard, and heed every instruction.”
“I promise, Sam. I’ll do anything you ask of me. What can I do?”
“First, I need you to get your emergency bag and anything else you can gather in five minutes. Then meet me at the car.”
“Okay. Anything else?”
He nodded solemnly. “Pray, Maggie. Pray hard. We’re going to need all the help we can get.”
Maggie bolted toward her room, still trying to keep her eagerness contained. What had happened to Andrew was definitely tragic, but she hadn’t known him very well. Right now the only thought on her mind was getting out of this house and going on a real, actual adventure for the first time in her life. She would be one step closer to proving herself as a real LK agent, just like Sam.
She had dreamed of going on a Light Keeper mission since she was little. Becoming a field agent had been her passion, her dream job, her every thought and daily prayer since she first learned about the organization. She wanted to help people. She wanted to serve God everyday and put her life on the line for those in need just like Sam had done for her since she was young.
“Now’s your chance.” Maggie whispered to herself as she dug her emergency bag out of her closet. “Rapunzel, it’s time to leave the tower. Finally!”
Moments later she was climbing into the passenger seat of Sam’s white Honda Prelude. He threw their bags in the trunk, and then they were off. Maggie had never felt her heart beat faster or louder in her entire life.
“Remember,” Sam broke the silence after they had been on the road for a few minutes, “when we get to the museum you are not to leave my side. Samyaza’s Pride will have agents all over this city after what happened today, and the last thing I want is a second casualty.”
“Samuel, you and I both know I’m stronger and smarter than that.” Maggie said.
The grave look that Samuel gave her in reply shook her confidence a bit. “I do know that, Maggie. I don’t doubt that in the slightest. But what we’re dealing with is worse than just man power. This is demonic, and you would be no match for it. At least not yet.”
Maggie turned to him with a start. His words hadn’t been entirely shocking to her. At least, not until the very last one. “Yet?”
“What?” Sam looked horrified.
“You said I would be no match ‘yet’. What do you mean by that?”
“Never mind. Tip of the slongue.” He wagged his head. “I meant slip of the tongue! It was a mistake, that’s all.”
“But why did you-?“
“Oh, good. We’re here!” He interrupted as they pulled into the underground parking, raising a knowing eye roll from Maggie.
She was no stranger to Sam’s odd way of keeping secrets while badly pretending he didn’t have them. It was annoying, but as they entered the parking garage next to the Science Museum she decided to humor him. Now was not the time to drown him in questions. That time would come later.
“Try your best to keep a brisk pace if you’re able.” Sam swung the car into an empty spot close to the elevator. He continued speaking quickly as they left the vehicle. “We’re meeting someone who needs protection. Someone who knows absolutely nothing about the LK or what we do. He might be here already, so I want to get to my office as quickly as I possibly can.”
The moment they left the elevator on the main floor, Sam hurried his walking pace. Maggie had to practically jog to keep up with his long-legged stride, but she didn’t ask him to slow down. She was determined not to give him any reason to regret bringing her along, and forcing him to slow his urgent gait might do just that. He was obviously extremely on edge about the whole situation, which just spiked Maggie’s curiosity about who they were meeting even more.
The name of the game today seemed to be “Look Straight Ahead And Ignore Everybody.” Goodie, my favorite game. Maggie thought sarcastically.
If it was a game, though, Sam was a professional. He rushed past several coworkers who didn’t even have the chance to give a subtle hello before Sam had already gotten beyond them. If Maggie wasn’t so anxious, she might have been impressed. Samuel was turning introversion into a major league sport.
They made it to Sam’s office door without any interruptions, thank goodness. When they entered his office, however, a whole other problem greeted them. Maggie shuffled into the room behind Sam with a breathless expression.
“It’s trashed.” She gasped. “Did the SP do this?”
“Step in and close the door,” was Sam’s only reply. Without a moment of hesitation he began picking up all the documents that had been carelessly thrown to the floor. Maggie helped him gather and sort everything into the proper filing cabinets. Everything else seemed to be in order. But there was no doubt that the place had been searched thoroughly. Once all the papers had been put back in place, he sat down at his desk and sighed. “The SP is missing something.”
“What do you think it is?” Maggie sat down in the seat across from him.
“I have a couple guesses. But, whatever it is, I don’t have it.”
“Did they steal anything?”
“Not that I could tell. But if they’re willing to get this close to my whereabouts, that missing item must be incredibly important.”
As Sam spoke, a small warning light in the back of Maggie’s mind turned red. She became suddenly aware that Sam had been shifting his eyes to the plant in the corner of the room ever since they’d arrived. Something was wrong. Even now he was watching it distractedly for several moments at a time.
“Sam?”
He blinked, seeming to wake from his thoughts. “Hmm?”
Maggie tilted her head and sent him a quizzical brow.
Sam replied to her silent question by mouthing one word. “Shadow.”
At first Maggie didn’t notice his meaning. The plant had a shadow. What about it? Then something felt…off slightly. At first she couldn’t put her finger on it. Then his meaning came over her like the ice cold eeriness of a foggy morning.
The shadow. The plant’s shadow was on the wrong side. Maggie’s breath froze in her lungs.
Sam mouthed one more word to her, and it was a word she happily complied to.
“Run.”

“Are you just going to stand there?” Jared asked calmly. “Or are you going to knock like a normal person? I can’t remember how the cool kids do it these days.”
“I’m not sure. The first time I knocked on a door this morning I ended up finding a corpse.” Even now, the thought sent a chill down James’s spine.
“Oh, come on now. What are the odds of that happening twice in one day?”
All James could find in the way of a response was a look of total terror. He turned to Jared. “Knowing my luck, pretty darn high.”
Jared straightened out and stared at him blankly for a moment before offering, “Would you like me to knock on the door, James?”
“Yes, please,” James said before Jared could even finish his sentence.
Jared stepped in front of the door. “Alright, here goes nothing.”  Forming his lips into a line with a sigh, he raised a closed hand to the door and prepared to knock.
Neither of them had to knock, however, because in the next moment a screech -- sounding everything but earthly -- filled the air. Before James and Jared had the chance to even think about sprinting away in fright, the door opened with an explosion of black matter and sent the two flying backwards. James’s head received a heavy blow for the second time that day when it hit the floor. Vertigo kept him curled up on the carpet long enough afterwards that he missed getting a second look at the dementor-like creature.
The next thing that registered was a pair of gray eyes.
“Sam, I think this one might need medical attention.” A feminine voice said. “He’s looking a bit cross-eyed.”
A male voice answered her. “Check for bleeding, I’ve got Jared.”
A gentle hand brushed James’s hair away from his forehead and combed over his scalp.
“He’s not bleeding as far as I can tell. He’s a little out of it, though. It’s possible he could have a concussion.”
James’s tried to get a good look at the two speakers, but his vision was still blurring in and out. He barely took note of words leaving his mouth, sounding more like a bumbling infant than a 17 year old. A great first impression, he was sure.
“I can’t understand him.” The girl said.
“We don’t have time to figure that out right now. That Shadow could return any minute. We need to move.”
It was then that his vision grew more stable, and he finally regained control over his voice. He sat up slowly, blinking. “What the heck was that thing?”
The girl looked upward. “Oh, praise God, he’s okay. Can you stand?”
“I guess we’ll find out.”
“Here, I’ll help you.” She leaned down and wrapped one arm around his waist as James wrapped one arm around her shoulders. She helped him remain stable as he stood. “Do you feel dizzy? Anything broken?”
James shook his head. “The day is still young, though, so we might want to take it slow.”
Sam yelled from just ahead. “We might not have that option!” Jared was flung over his shoulder, apparently unconscious. One of the dark, scary, ghost-like creatures was blocking their way, hissing opposingly.
“Can you stand on your own?” the girl asked.
“Mm-hmm,” was the best James could do.
“Good, because we need to run. Now.”
Just then, the creature in the hallway screeched in a pitch that threatened the lives of their eardrums, which was odd, since it didn’t seem to have a mouth anywhere. None that James could see, anyway. It was just black matter that ebbed and flowed, until it didn’t. The “didn’t” part happened moments later. The matter slurped together and began to rise, forming arms and a featureless face in less than a minute. This time the screech had a mouth to come out of. A shallow, toothless maw in the smoothest head he’d ever seen.
“Get to the car!” Sam said.
“What about you?” Maggie stepped toward him, but he pointed toward the lobby.
“I’ll meet you there. Just run! Now!”
James didn’t argue. In fact, he was half way through the lobby before he’d even realized his legs were moving, before he’d realized his heart was bursting with adrenaline speed. He’d left everyone behind-- the weird guy in the lab coat, the strange girl, and Jared. James raced out the front doors of the museum toward the bustling traffic of downtown. He didn’t even look up at the skyscrapers standing in rows like soldiers. He just kept running.