Certain Uncertainties

"Trust His Process..."

That's the theme I was given at the beginning of 2021. It's just vague enough to leave me clueless about where my life is headed. And just specific enough to make me second guess my every move. For a planner like myself...that's what we like to call a nightmare.

I used to have a map. I knew what steps I wanted to take for the next 5-10 years. Now, I'm back to square one.

In 2020 I finally gave up. I opened my hands and let go of the one thing I've always been afraid to lose. The one thing I didn't know who I'd be without. I said goodbye to my theatre ministry. After almost 10 years of late nights, busy rehearsal schedules, 40-60 hour tech weeks, and building this thing from the ground up, the sandbag dropped and the curtain closed on my heart's stage. We had just achieved nonprofit status, which was the dream. Little did I know, only 6 months after receiving our approval letter, I would be filing our closing paperwork like it never happened at all. Since then it's felt like the only thing left in my hands are questions.

Where do I go from here? What am I supposed to be doing? Who am I, now that the me I've been growing into since I was 15 is gone? 

And the biggest question of all...

Was it worth it?

A lot of the kids I worked with in my ministry don't talk to me anymore. Most of them have just gotten busy, and so have I, so we only cross paths occasionally. Those I don't mind. That's just how life goes. We shared our moments and moved in new directions, which is the beautiful thing about theatre.

Some told me my ministry helped them grow, aided in their walk with God, and was their comfort in a dark season. These are the conversations I treasure and hold close to my heart. God didn't need my help to work in their lives, and he never will. But he chose to allow me to be a part of it, and that humbles me everyday. I'll never take that for granted. 

And then there are those who called over the years to pour out their souls. The ones who told me I caused them pain and sorrow. Mostly because I told them the truth that they never wanted. Maybe that's my fault. maybe they weren't ready for an honest conversation, and I should have picked up on that. Maybe I should have brushed off the struggles they were having and pretended not to know the answers. Or maybe doing the right thing is a recipe for the chopping block and burned bridges.

No matter which category each of those 80-plus actors fall into, my love and my thoughts still fall on each name equally. It's that fact that has given me the greatest glimpse of God's heart toward us. I learned that I'm capable of loving someone who curses me just as much as someone who blesses me, and if that's the only lesson I'm walking away with, maybe the 10 years really were worth it. My heart still misses and aches for each of them the same, and I can recall each one by name whether they were one of my actors for a day or 4 years.

How much more is God capable of remembering and loving us? That's a question I will find profound and incomprehensible for the rest of my life.

But as for my future, where does the line fall? 

All I know is that everyone seems to expect me to know what to do from here. But I don't. That's the most difficult part. I'm staring at a blank page. The line is blinking, waiting for words. And I don't have any. I had a plan for my entire life laid out, based solely on that theater company. And now I'm back where I started when I was 15, prayerful and unsure.

My friends have all moved on. Some are working big kid jobs, some have gotten married, some have had kids. And where am i?

I'm 25 years old, staring hard at my life and where I want it to go, and not seeing any answers.

So... What do I do? Where do I go? How do I recover from losing everything I wanted my life to be? I wish I knew. Every day without direction feels like a ticking clock in my mind. The only reassurance I have is this...

I know that God knows.

He knows what this year is going to look like for me. He knows what choices I'll end up making. He knows the process of me getting there. He knows. And because he knows—as much as I don't like it—I don't have to know. I just have to trust, and walk, and get up every day with the expectation that God has good things in store for me.

Not the perfectly planned, cookie cutter things in my head, because that's Aly's world and not reality. But good things. I knew my resolution theme at the beginning of this year would challenge me. And, sure enough, it already is. But isn't that what faith is? Walking blindly, and trusting that the waves will provide a stable place to stand? Just simply because God is the one controlling them?

Maybe this is my opportunity to step out on the sea and learn to walk. It'll be slow and I'll falter, but so did Peter. And I find it no accident that the writing project I've had on my mind for the past year and a half is also about that very man. God has a sense of humor like that, doesn't he?

Even though it would be easy to look at what's next with fear and bitterness and dread, and that's my natural instinct, I'm determined to face this differently. A blank page can be unnerving, but it can also be exciting. It means the possibilities are endless. 

Despite the unfortunate losses, so much good has also come from 2020. I started a business creating art that I adore and that brings people joy. I joined TikTok as a direct result of quarantine boredom, and ended up making some wonderful, faith-filled friends who I now talk to daily. I discovered new inspiration, willingness, and resolve that I didn't know I could find within myself. I've learned to listen to my health, and made better choices to accommodate it. I've grown closer to my family, and learned more about Aly in the past year than I did through 10 years of theatre directing.

The purpose of this post was mostly to make an update on where I'm at currently. But now that I've reached the end of this tale, I also want to offer encouragement, both to you, dear reader, and to myself...

Your life is not going to look anything like what you've planned out in your head. It's not. There will be pleasant surprises and unforseen tragedies. Your bets will lose, and sometimes the risks you take just won't pan out. But sometimes they will. So my advice is this:

Stop keeping score.

The longer you try to predict the future, the less time you have to just enjoy the ride. God already has the navigation set, and all he wants you to do is just take in the scenery. There will be heartache and sorrow. There will be loss and anger. There will be immense victories. There will be joy beyond compare, and love that stretches farthur and deeper than oceans. I know all of this because, as a writer, I know those are the ingredients that make an incredible story. And at the end of the day, that's what your life is. One beautiful, brilliant, moving, one-of-a-kind story. A story where only the author himself knows the ending.

In life, nothing is certain. And that's why "trusting his process" is bound to be both a wild ride and a beautiful adventure. But that's the point. That's where we reach the end of ourselves, and faith begins.

So, I suppose we should let go, right? Trust the author to do his job. Know that the overall plot will be better off because he can see the big picture. Allow ourselves to place our hope in a beautiful ending. Close our eyes, count to three, and just...

Jump.

What Adults Don't See: The Problem Is Never The Problem

"What is your problem?"

It's a fair enough question.  Everyone has one. In fact, I'm extremely willing to bet that everyone has several. There's just the difference between those who honestly admit it, and those who don't.

I'm one of those people who admits it. The one that everyone dreads asking the "How are you?" question, because they know I'll answer honestly.  If I'm not okay, I will tell you flat out. I don't have secrets.  As a youth leader and theatre director I make every effort in the world to be as real as possible, and being an open book seems to be the best way to do that.

The thing about being an open book... It's contagious.

A little while ago I wrote about working in youth ministry, and several lessons I've learned from it. One of those lessons involved vocabulary words that have become a part of my everyday conversations. Self-harm. Anorexia. Depression. Pornography. Anxiety. PTSD. Suicide. The list goes on and on. And what I've found over the years is that there's one thing all of these words have in common.

These words are not the problem.

Parents tell me all the time how their teen is acting out/hiding away/always searching for something more.

"I just don't know why they're clinging so hard to this unhealthy relationship."

"They're so angry all the time for no reason."

"We've tried every preventative measure and punishment, but they can't get past this addiction."

I hate to tell you this, but Jack Sparrow might have actually been right about something: "The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem."

When young adults are struggling through emotional baggage, gripping tightly to unhealthy habits/relationships, and becoming self-destructive, it's not a disease. The words in that list up there are not a diagnosis. They're a symptom.

Here's an example...

Say you have a brain tumor. It's there, it's growing, it inhibits the functionality of your daily life, and you're well aware that it exists. But instead of searching for a treatment for the original issue, you take a variety of medications to suppress the pains associated with that issue. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

Not even close.

In fact, the longer you go along ignoring the tumor, the more it will grow, and the worse the symptoms will become.

I've known parents who found out that their teen had depression and was suicidal, and instead of offering compassion and seeking the source of the issue, reacted with anger. Some of the parents I've encountered even separated their child from our team of counselors when we tried to help them, grounding the teen from social situations and communication devices, and isolating them even further.

Let me be very clear: This is not the answer.

Separating the youth from positive social situations and denying the problem exists does not lead to a solution, it makes you an enabler.

If a teen you know is struggling with some sort of problem mentality, you have much bigger things to worry about than the initial situation. In every case I've seen, something much deeper was going on. These youth were dying inside long before the signs began to surface. This is where much more important words enter the picture.

Bullying. Emotional and physical abuse. Loss of a loved one. Divorce. Abandonment. Traumatic experience. Anything that might have altered the teens life in a dramatic way that they had no control over.

This is where the disease is found.

Now, I'm not saying it's a consistent rule that there's always something more going on behind the scenes when these symptoms appear. But in almost 8 years of youth ministry, I have yet to encounter a young adult situation where this didn't turn out to be the case. Thankfully, there is a solution...

Get to the source.

Now, those four words have more than one meaning. And each meaning is just as crucial as the others for getting to a cure. In my experience, these are the measures that improve and even prevent harmful situations from taking place.

1. The Source of the Emotion

When an initial outburst of unusual emotion happens, please, PLEASE do not revert to accusing the youth of "just wanting attention." I can't even tell you how damaging this is. Nine times out of ten there is something so much deeper going on. Every time you pull out the attention card you're telling the youth in question that you are not a person they can ever feel safe opening up to. The youth is going to lose respect for you, cling more tightly to their negative behavior, and will start seeking out other (most likely less moral) sources of comfort and trust.

Instead, try to get to the source of the behavior. Why do they seek out this habit/addiction/relationship? What need is it filling for them (and what is something positive that could fill that need instead)? When was the inciting incident that set this in motion?

And if the source of the issue happens to involve you in a negative way, LISTEN. Do not react with immediate harshness and anger. Calmly hear them out, ask questions about how the situation can be made better. Compromise. In other words, please, BE THE ADULT.

Put simply, react the way you would want your teen to react if roles were reversed and you brought a fault to their attention. Be respectful, attentive, and make an effort to understand their thoughts rather than jumping to hasty conclusions.

2. The Source of the Symptom

Once the source of the initial emotion is discovered, you can work toward a solution to the symptoms. When did depression start becoming more prevalent in their life? If drugs and alcohol are a bandage, where's the wound? What brought on their distrust in adult relationships, and caused them to start disrespecting authority? Find out their logic behind it.

Trust me, in most cases it doesn't take a PHD to get teens to open up. All it takes is someone who's willing to listen without immediately judging them or telling them their problem "could be worse." To them, the problem already is worse. All they want is someone to talk to about it.

Again, this takes calm listening skills, patience, and a gentle nature. Don't rush them to open up. Don't force them into telling you. Just respectfully ask the questions and allow them to tell you in their own time (it'll be sooner than you think, I promise).

No matter the attitude you're getting, the young person has most likely already considered needing help and advice in their situation, and are simply searching out the right person to approach by process of elimination. When they're finally ready to open up, make sure you're the person they feel safe with, instead of the person who will immediately default to anger and problem-solving.

Make the person more important than the problem.

3. The Source of True Healing

At the center of everything, what your youth needs more than anything is prayer. Lift them up to God daily. Ask that the Lord will surround them with people who can uplift and encourage them in the right ways when you aren't able to. Make sure your youth knows that you and God will both love them no matter what choices they make.

Seriously, that last one is super important.

So many young people think love from the adults in their life is conditional. Any overstepping of boundaries or doing something worthy of disappointment and they suddenly feel like they'll only be tolerated by their family for the rest of their lives. This isn't an exaggeration. So many teens feel this way, and it breaks my heart.

Let them know, before it's too late, that your love for them is unconditional instead of the alternative. Reassure them constantly that you're there for them no matter what. Remind them that you're there to walk with them through the storms, and that God is in control. Give them every opportunity to know that you are a safe place, a source of solid ground, and that you're willing to fight for them in every kind of storm.


I know I'm a young, unmarried person who has no parenting experience, so I understand if you have some reservations about heeding this advice. I only hope that you test these waters for yourself. Interview the teens in your life and find out if this process of assistance is something they would find beneficial.

I'm so very thankful for the young people that God has placed in my social circle. I consider them dear friends and family, and watching them grow is such a major blessing. I hope you have the chance to experience that joy!

I hope you all have a blessed week. Keep changing the world one step at a time!

"Losing Myself" On A Sunday Afternoon

This post was actually written a couple of weeks ago, but I haven't been able to edit it until now.  God has been opening my eyes to some of his plans for me recently, and it has absolutely taken my breath away.  After months and years of questions, I'm beginning to see just how he was working all along, and how I should have just patiently trusted...  Hopefully my lessons will save you the trouble.

***

I'm in awe of you.

Even when I'm busy following my own plan, searching for what I think should be happening in my life, you're still at work.  You show me your loving kindness and mercy by continuing your good plan for me even when I'm attempting to walk on my own.  What a laughable thought.

Why do I do this?  I move ahead of you before the time is right.  I struggle, I moan and complain, I ask you why, and I'm not willing to wait.

Impatience... Not just a bad choice, it's a sin.  I've been too eager, not willing to wait on your plan.

Even still, you finally reveal your plan, and it's so easy.  You were working the whole time, and I didn't even notice.  A plan that only you could have orchestrated, at work when I was too distracted trying to bring things about in my own way.  And yet, even when I was ignoring you, you brought about the answer.

Lord, I'm so ashamed of how little faith I have in you... I long to trust you so desperately, and yet I make plans outside of you.

Transform me, Father.  Change me from the inside out and teach me to be patient.  You are the only one I want dictating my future.  No one else.  Not my own thoughts, not my friends or family, not the world and what society considers "normal."

Only you.

Refine me, Abba, in the fires of your holy forge.  Mold me into a weapon of your choosing, created with purpose and ready for whatever battlefield awaits me.  Design me with your eternal kingdom in mind, so that I might have the chance to serve some small role in your kingdom.  My life in your capable hands; the only one who can take a pointless piece of metal and turn it into a valued form with a specified purpose.  Whether it be a sword, charging forward into the unknown.  An arrow, pointing the way.  A dagger, for up close, in-the-thick-of-it warfare.  A chest plate, shielding hearts from darkness.  A helmet, protecting minds from the devil's schemes.

Whatever is needed most, you choose.  I will wait with great anticipation to discover what you create.  I will be patient, content with the fact that, no matter my specific title, I am already the dear beloved of God.

Today my shirt says "I am yours and you are faithful."  I've been harboring so much bitterness, Jesus.  Anger toward those who have left me behind.  I've been prideful, and filled with hate.  I've convinced myself that my feelings are justified.

No...

Everyone who's not in my life anymore was removed for a reason.  My judgements toward them are only a demonstration of my imperfect heart, not theirs.  You not only saw every moment, you walked it with me.  You orchestrated each friendship's beginning and end, working each one for my good.  My bitterness toward those people and situations after all this time is keeping me from completely experiencing the fullness of your love.  Each day of confusion and tears was written in your book, along with exactly how you would work each minute into the goodness of your plan for me.  You've always known who you want me to become, even before I was a thought in anyone's mind.  Every moment, whether joy or pain, was designed with a positive purpose; to get me there.  Each step has deepened my relationship with you in a way that nothing else could have.  You pursue me with tireless passion and determination.  You don't just tolerate my existence, but genuinely adore me with perfect, unconditional love that no one else can offer.  A love that my sinful heart can never truly comprehend or repay.

A gift greater than anyone could possibly surpass.

The real trouble is I've spent so much of my life trying to find myself.  What does that even mean, "finding myself?"  I've already been found.  The creator of the stars knows me better than even I do, and yet I'm worried about finding myself?

All this time I've wasted, and I've only just realized that my time would have been better spent losing myself.  Losing myself in you.

I keep wandering aimlessly, feeling sorry for myself as though I'm such a lost cause.  If only I would open my soul and start listening to you before reaching sorry desperation, I would hear a very different message than the one I usually give myself.  I shouldn't be finding myself...  Because only by losing myself do I find more of you.

My only function, the one thing I was created for, is to live life solely to bring you glory.  I'm meant to breathe, sing, dance, laugh, cry, speak, and love in such a way that anyone could look at me and see you instead.

No matter what the world says.  No matter how many times I lose direction and focus, and attempt to find my way back on my own.  No matter how hard I am on myself, and how many times I question the way you created me.  To you I am always enough.

All my flaws, all my gifts, everything that makes me who I am, just as I am... It's enough for you.

I can just be.

This New Year I had some trouble.  I couldn't figure out a good resolution.  Not because I couldn't think of anything to improve.  Not at all.  Quite the opposite, actually.  I have way too much to improve.  So, how do you pick just one thing to work on about yourself?  The last two years I've chosen more general life goals.  It started in 2015 with the resolution to "live bravely."  In 2016 it was to "be joyful" in every circumstance, which was surprisingly more difficult than the live bravely challenge. 

And now I think I just found my newest resolution.

In 2017 I'm going to strive to "lose myself" in God's love.  I've spent too much time looking for love in other places.  Created too many failures attempting to find myself without my Savior.

It's a lot like driving. 

You know when you pull up to a stop light, and you're anticipating the moment when that light turns green?  What do you look at in the moments before you get the go signal?  Are you the person who looks at the red light and waits patiently for it to turn green?  Or do you look at the light that's currently green to see when it turns red?  I caught myself doing the second thing one day, and God called me on it in a big way.  In fact, I haven't been able to get that lesson out of my head ever since. 

"What are you doing looking at someone else's greenlight, when you should be patiently watching me to give you a greenlight of your own?"

Ouch.

My loving Father, I don't want to do that anymore.  It's time to get lost in the beauty of all you are.  I want my breath to be stolen away by the glory of your presence.  I don't want to push you away anymore.  You've chased after me my entire life.  Even after I gave my life to you, you still didn't stop pursuing me.  You are pure, untainted love, and I fall more in love with you everyday. 

Truthfully, I'm a mess.  I'm envious, judgmental, insecure, broken, selfish, controlling, and constantly aware of my every fault.  I'm a disaster.  I'm trying.  I'm constantly failing.  But somehow, that's not what you see.  I will never live up to all the expectations I have for myself.  But somehow that doesn't matter.

Because, despite all of that, you love me anyway.  And I will never thank you enough.

The Weight of the World

(Warning, there's a lot of reality below)

I'm not sure why I'm blogging today, or what I'll even write about...

Lately I can't help feeling like my home is falling apart.  I'm falling apart with it.  I keep reading quote after quote about trusting God, and I desperately want to.  But with each passing day I find that my faith isn't as strong as I wanted it to be.  Reading my Bible gets harder and harder.  I'm journaling more and more.  I'm annoyed with sunshine, and only seem to find comfort when it's raining, like today.  On the upside, my prayer life has never been so active.  Although most of it is just me asking why things aren't changing.

Songs like "Silhouette" by Owl City have become my go-to music of choice.  I know everything I'm going through is happening for a reason, but that reason is clouded in many shadows.  I know the more depressed and upset I allow myself to get, the more satan gets the upper hand.  But I don't know how to change it.  I'm in the center of a tornado.  I myself am doing alright, but everything around me is chaos.  And all I can think to do is write, sleep, and whisper to God for comfort, not necessarily in that order.

I know that this is all happening because my family is heavily involved in ministry.  As soon as we started this new project, I knew we were all in for (to replace a more accurate word that I would rather not use) one heck of a trip.  I just had no clue how bad it would actually get.  All around me walls are falling to the ground; walls that have taken lifetimes to build.  It's shattering me.

What's worse is everyone else involved in this project is experiencing the same thing.  Everyday I find out about another life that's falling to pieces.  Another world that shifting on it's axis, causing earthquakes all around.  Another change that's just too much to take.

We're worn.  We're damaged.  We're barely walking.

And yet God is relying on us to bear the weight of this story?  This stream of events and problems that are way beyond our understanding?  Or... at least they used to be.

Wow...

Maybe that's it.  In this film, this movie we're destroying ourselves to create, we cover a multitude of teenage problems.  Anxiety, depression, divorcing parents, self-harm, suicide, bullying, death and loss, addiction, pornography, and more.

Every single one of these topics has been experienced by our cast and crew over the past two months.  These are the very topics that are tearing us to shreds.  The tools and temptations that the devil has been using to turn our souls.  And here we are.

Talk about accurate portrayal.

We relate to these characters more than we realize, I think.  In this process, these characters have been our traveling companions.  And these characters will end up discovering what we have just been learning ourselves...

We cannot rely on ourselves to heal.

We can't even rely on each other.

The only One we can rely on to remove our tinted goggles, and reveal the true view of grace and love beyond, is the only One who's capable of doing it in the first place.

God.

In the past we've had other awful roads in order to reach positive results.  Some of the greatest points of impact this group has ever made were the projects that we "just wanted to get through."  Why would God allow this movie to be any different?  If the journey didn't carry so much pain, would we come out as close as our cast and crew have become?  Isn't it worth it when God is a god who can give our struggles purpose?

And maybe, just maybe, when people leave the theater after seeing this film, they'll come up to us and say we made a difference.  And if that happens maybe we'll be able to say, with tears of joy and humble hearts, that nothing in that film was of our own ability.  We'll listen to their stories of pain and brokenness, and actually be able to relate.  We'll introduce them to the real director of this film, and weep together as they get to know who Jesus is.  And maybe, for those who open up to us, they'll find that their night at the movies turned out to feel a lot more like church.  And maybe they'll walk to their cars with a weightlessness they've never experienced before.

And maybe, because of our struggles, they'll leave the theater that day bound for Heaven.

Isn't that why we're in this world in the first place?

Or have I forgotten that life isn't about me...

Maybe those walls that have been falling all around me are coming to ruin so that God can plant a garden in its place...


Father, I'm sorry.  I'm so, so sorry.  When will I ever learn that Your plan is so much bigger than me?  When will I stop pretending that my very small knowledge, my three feet of spiritually nearsighted vision, is all that there is?  If You're an ocean, I'm a single drop of rain.  If You're the sky and the stars, I'm a feeble paper kite, trying my best to reach you but failing all the time.  If You're soaked into the depths of the earth, I am a blade of grass growing in your love, here today and gone tomorrow.  If You make up everything, I'm nothing at all.

But that's why you sent your Son to die on the cross.  I don't have to be nothing anymore.  You gave up Your everything so I could have a chance to be a little bit of something.

Knowing that, how could I possibly look at life with anything but wonder and awe?

You see my brokenness.  You see me when I'm invisible.  You always have.  You tell me it's ok to feel the way I do, but that I shouldn't worry.  You will never leave me or forsake me.

And the same goes for everyone else.

Omnipresent, eternally loving, unconditionally forgiving, Giver of life and light, Abba, Friend, Lover of my soul.  I have no reason to be afraid when you walk beside me.  So why do I tremble?

This film has been personally commissioned by the Creator of the universe.  Lord, You hold each scene, each crew and cast member, each individual moment in the palm of Your hand.  You have seen the end result.

You have already won.

I'm so done with being kicked while I'm down.  We're already bruised, bloodied, and struggling to get our lungs to inflate.  Then the devil hits us with another wave.  But it will not last.  The floodwaters will subside as soon as we've been strengthened enough to stand.  This is the cocoon; the refining fire that will brush away the ashes and leave us new creation.

You have a plan.  At the end of this we will be one step closer to who You are, and all the struggles will make sense.  All I ask is that, until then, you hold my hand.  Lead me in the way you want me to go.  I need a map, Lord.  Right now I'm turning every which way, but nothing looks familiar.  Show me where to walk, and I will.

Better yet, show all of us so that we can walk together.  Unified.  One team with one purpose, glorifying the One who gives us breath and revives us every morning.  That is our cause.

The prince of evil has no power.  His demons will not prevail.  YOU alone, Jesus, have victory!  And this time will be no different.  There's an entire book of stories proving it's true.  Every word of the Bible shows us the miraculous power of your mercy.

Keep opening our eyes to the truth.

100 Things I'm Thankful For...

This list was much harder to write than I thought it would be, and I'm not going to explain why I did it until the end.  You're just going to have to bear with me.  So, without further ado...

1. Quiet nights

2. The color blue

3. Possibilities

4. The ability to simply be

5. Relient K

6. The moment of calm after taking a deep breath

7. Rainy days

8. Sunday morning worship

9.  Fuzzy beanies

10. Every single thing about books

11. Tea

12. Peaceful mornings

13. Growing closer while laughing with my family

14. Growing closer after arguing with my family

15. Concerts that feel like church

16. Chocolate

17. Windy afternoons

18. Wading through a cold stream on a hot day

19. Seeing the glory of God everywhere

20. Random acts of kindness

21. The way someone's eyes look like 4th of July when talking about their passions

22. Sweaters

23. Being able to start over

24. Photographs (the printed kind)

25. Dreams for the future

26. Personal expression

27. Finding a word that perfectly describes how I feel

28. Old fashioned diners

29. Classic movie musicals

30. Creativity

31. Theatre nicknames, and the memories behind them

32. Social ballroom dances with friends

33. My imagination

34. God's unconditional love

35. Quaint shops

36. Finding something new to love

37. Being instantly swept into the pages of a new novel

38. Kindred spirits

39. Prayer

40. Pens and paper

41. The first step back on stage during tech week of a play

42. Bethany Dillon

43. Interesting characters that come to life in my head

44. Reaching the end of a hard road

45. Worship and prayer sessions in my car

46. Sleep

47. Opportunities to serve others

48. God's provision

49. Spontaneous day trips

50. Being half way through this list

51. Pinterest

52. Hugs

53. My Bible

54. Penny wishes in public fountains

55. Breathtaking watercolor skies

56. Exceeded expectations

57. Music

58. Playing a character on stage that is totally different than me

59. Steve Rodgers

60. The clarity that comes after a long journaling session

61. Hot showers

62. The moment when I know something was God, and can't stop smiling

63. Learning something new about myself

64. Photobooths

65. Long, handwritten letters

66. Bookstores

67. Happening upon a Bible verse that speaks right to my current situation

68. The feeling of finally dominating a new dance trick

69. Pain that makes me stronger

70. Beautiful hilltop views

71. Seeing new places

72. God staying with me through every situation

73. Getting new glasses and being able to see

74. Food

75. Living in a part of the world where Culver's exists

76. My dog

77. Long walks

78. The first time I feel my heart beginning to heal

79. Falling in love with who God made me to be all over again

80. Dancing and worshiping the Lord in the pouring rain on my driveway

81. Late night ice cream after a long day

82. Not having to have everything figured out

83. Loving someone despite their flaws

84. Being loved despite my flaws

85. Loving a God who has no flaws

86. New experiences

87. Glass-bottled sodas

88. Heartfelt conversations

89. Reaching the end of a big project

90. Reaching the beginning of a new project

91. Days at home by myself

92. Days surrounded by friends

93. Inspiring ministries that spread the Light

94. Christian radio stations

95. Meeting new people who are passionate about the same things

96. Dances with an equal guy to girl ratio (very rare, but they do exist)

97. The smell of old books

98. Knowing that God has a plan

99. People who call everything an adventure

And finally...

100. I'm thankful for still being able to write a list of things I'm thankful for, even on a really horrible day (just like my day was today).

You see, it's not our circumstances that should dictate whether or not we give thanks to God for all that we're blessed with.  Thankfulness is a trait we should emit even on our worst days.  In fact, in hard times it's even more important, because this is when satan will fight to make us feel low and unloved.  Don't let him.  Show him that God is good, and that you know what side you're on.  And show him by defiantly listing off all the ways your thankful, despite how badly you just want to complain.

All day I've been asking why... Why is my life where it is right now?  Why are these certain things happening to me?  Why can't I seem to do anything right?  But then I realized the only way to turn my day around was to ask a different question...

What can I do to give God praise when my circumstances are less than ideal?

Trust.  Be still.  And know that He is God.

Thankfulness.

Not easy, but worth it.  Yes, very worth it.

My Loving List Of Little Things To Live For

Some days the hardest thing to do is "just keep swimming".  This life is insane, and crazy, and maddening, and it's easy to feel like you're drowning.  But, you know what, in the midst of all this madness...

Life can also be so beautiful.

The other day I was just sitting, thinking about all the little ways that life is lovely, and it lit up my day so much that I decided to share these small beauties with you.  Without further ado, here are the things that make my world shine a little brighter.

The temporary high that comes from honest, belly-aching, tear-jerking laughter.

Finally curling up in bed after a long day.

The sound of boiling water in a kettle, which means you're one step closer to that hot beverage.

Warm sweaters on cold days.

Soup.  Just soup.

Finding someone who loves that one obscure thing as much as you do, when you thought you were alone, and you both burst with the joy of finally being able to talk about it.

Discovering something you're good at, no matter how small that thing is.

Making up after an argument, and realizing how much you love that person all over again.

Every single thing about rainy days.

Dancing.  By yourself, with friends, on stage, in the grocery store.  

Hearing a song for the first time that just meets you exactly where you are.

Your whole family being at home at the same time.

Sparkling misty mornings and cool starry nights.

Roasting marshmallows on a chilly evening, and then falling asleep smelling like a campfire.

The first snow after fall.

The first warm day after winter.

Apple orchards.

Small towns with quaint little shops.

Old movies.

Hearing married couples talk about their love story together.

Colorfully painted skies.

Conquering a fear, no matter how big or small.

Staying up late because you and a family member got talking about life and lost track of the time.

When you notice something that was hard for you is finally getting easier.

Going for a prayer walk on a windy day, and feeling God whisper to you through the tree branches.

When you really enjoy being with someone, and you realize for the first time that they really enjoy being with you too.

Watching your favorite movie and knowing every line.

Introducing a friend to something you love, and they end up loving it too.

Any answer to prayer, even if it's not the answer you expected.

Being amazed at God's love for you for the first time all over again.

When someone asks how you are and truly wants to know.

Experiencing the sights of a brand new place for the first time.

The warm familiarity of the first step back inside your house after going on vacation.

When a book gets so good that your imagination replaces the words with images.

Being able to provide someone with something they needed.

When a spontaneous project actually turns out well.

Making someone smile.

Meeting someone that inspires you.

Making peace with yourself again.

When the words come out just right.

Feeling like you need to cry, but can't.  And then someone hugs you and let's you vent, like they read your mind.

When you wait patiently (or sometimes not so patiently) for something, and God provides.

The smell of your favorite food.

When they accidentally make your coffee one size bigger than you asked for.

A kept promise.

Using the human ability to sing whenever and wherever you possibly can.  Especially in the car with the radio blasting.  Especially when you know your voice is off pitch, but don't care.

The first day you start getting over a cold, and learn to appreciate the ability to breathe, smell, and taste all over again.

Creating art, no matter how badly done, simply because the passion was bursting inside you.

Finding a verse in the Bible that relates perfectly to your situation.

Looking back to finally see the good that came from the bad, and how God placed everything perfectly.



Realizing just how fortunate you really are...

Letting Off Steam

This post is very impromptu.  I wasn't planning on blogging at all today.  But, you know what, sometimes a girl just has to write in order to get her thoughts in order.

I could lie, and say that I'm OK today.  But, like I said, that would be a lie.  So no, I'm not going to say that.  I am everything but OK.  My head hurts.  My heart aches.  Everything inside me wants to break down in tears because of all the fears overwhelming my thoughts.  I'm doubting my purpose, doubting my choices, doubting myself...

Why?

That question isn't my usual lead-in to the answer.  That's an actual question.  Why?  Why am I so fickle?  Why do I stray from my purpose?  Why do I take things so hard?  The problem is that I don't have an answer to any of those questions either.  Every time I try to find one I end up just like I feel today...

Worn, exhausted, and so very small.

"How could this possibly be what God wants for me?"  I ask myself.  "Surely, he must want me to go back and turn left instead of right this time."

Over a year ago I went through one of the hardest choices I've ever made.  Everyone else was pressuring me to go to college.  They all thought it was the best option.  Of course, they thought that about everyone.  I, however, disagreed.  I wanted to go to college, to make friends, have the "college experience", and maybe meet and date someone special along the way.  But when it came to what God wanted, I knew that wasn't the right choice.  I disagreed because I felt God was calling me to something more important than what I wanted.

He wanted me to stay.  He told me to stay.

I still remember the very moment.  I was sitting in church, overwhelmed, with question after question about my future running through my head.  At the end of every service they would always ask "what is your next step?"  Usually I would nod and listen to what they said the possible next steps were, but this time I was struck.  I had been praying and struggling over the decision of whether or not to go to college so harshly, and here it was.

"Stay."

The single word came like a sudden whisper that echoed over and over in my soul.  At first I just brushed it off as my mind playing tricks on me, and I continued listening to the service as the worship team entered the stage.  Then they asked once again, "what is your next step?"

"Stay."

Louder this time, I knew that it was not my own inner voice I had heard.  God had given me my answer.  And it was an answer I was afraid of hearing.  I cried all the way through the worship time that ended the service that day.  "Stay" was not the answer I had wanted to hear.  I wanted to go.  I wanted to see new things, go new places, meet new people.  Why didn't God want that for me too?

Yet another question that I still don't have the answer to.

After that it was a battle.  Everyone, even those in my own family, thought that not going to college was a foolish decision.  They were mostly just worried about me.  Everywhere I looked my friends were going to school and getting ready for their exciting first semester in the fall, and there I sat.  A girl with a scholarship to the school of her dreams, and nothing to do with it.  It was misery at its finest.  This was a test, and I was determined not to sway.  God must have had something huge planned, and I wanted to find out what it was.

I will admit, there are a ton of amazing experiences that have happened because I stayed.  I got to direct my very first musical production this year, which was a major blessing.  I've gained some amazing friends, who also stayed home from college, and they fill my life with joy.  I've grown closer to my family, and gotten to spend valuable time with them that I wouldn't have otherwise.  The skit group that I'm involved in has grown by leaps and bounds.  I got a new job that I absolutely love.  It's been a great year!

So then why is it that sometimes I still feel like I made the wrong choice?

I tell you what, Satan definitely knows how to do a number on my soul.  And the worst part is that he doesn't even have to touch it.  All he has to do is convince me that the best way to protect my heart is by destroying it myself.  Gosh, I give in to that far too easily.

I could lie, and say that I'm OK today.  But I'm not going to.  The truth is my family is stressed.  I'm stressed.  Life is messy, and it's eating at us on a daily basis.  We're all low on sleep, which makes things worse.  We've had colds, allergies, and exhaustion galore over the past month.  And it's been absolutely miserable.  But that's not even the whole of it.

My entire internal store of energy is almost completely spent on ministry, and pouring my heart into the lives of the teenagers around me.  But lately that's been getting harder and harder for me to do.  Over this year a few of these teens that I really care about have now been giving a false impression to others about me and my family.  Now, every time I walk into a room filled with all the young people that hold pieces of my heart, I can only hope that they don't see me as the fraud that those others have concocted.  I pray every day that my integrity and love for them would shine through the lies, and that God would help them all to know that I really am who I appear to be, and that I care about them just as much as I say I do.  It hurts even more than I can put into words, to think that those I feel so deeply for every day could now be convinced that my adoration for them is anything less than what it is.

My heart even still longs to show affection to the ones who have been speaking these things.  But because they believe the lies that they have even been telling themselves, I know it will be of no use.  And that breaks my heart most of all.  That someone could be so loved, and so adored, and yet not accept it.

It's because of this that I found myself on my computer today, bringing up the website for the college that I used to have a scholarship to, and wondering if I really did make the right choice.  Maybe I'm not the right person for this.  Maybe God does want me to go, and wants someone more capable to take this skit group over.  If they truly believe I'm a fraud, then maybe...maybe I am one...  Maybe I would be better off helping with someone else's ministry than leading my own.

I mean, I do have a lot of faults when it comes to leadership.  I'm constantly stumbling over my words.  I'm kind of a control freak, and tend to get stressed when I have no clue what God's plan is.  What people say often impacts me way more deeply than it should, even though I never act like it does.  I'm THE WORST at communicating, which is mostly due to the fact that phones and miscommunication are two of my biggest fears, so I usually try to avoid both by just not doing anything at all.  I always mean well, but sometimes act on a whim without really thinking things all the way through.

Now that I think of it, how on earth did I end up leading this group in the first place?

Oh yeah... I guess I didn't.  God did.

And that's what I was reminded of just now.  God placed a verse in my head that I read in devotions this morning (the first time I actually do devotions in a long time, and it's already useful.  Go God!), and this is what it says:

Do not let your mouth bring guilt on you, and do not say in the presence of the messenger that it was a mistake.  Why should God be angry with your words and destroy the work of your hands?

Ecclesiastes 5:6

Now, I'm aware that this verse means something entirely different in actuality, but when I read it today, God placed a new meaning on my heart.  In his words for me, it meant...

"Don't let your own insecure feelings about yourself make you believe what the world tells you, and do not push off the instructions the Holy Spirit gave you as a mistake.  When you are doing your Father's work, why would he be angry with you?"

*Sigh*

He always seems to know exactly what to say.  Gosh, I'm so in love with how he can do that!  *Smiles*  And, you know, if one good thing comes from all this turmoil, it's that I've been finding myself more in love with the Lover of my soul than ever before.  Yes, it's always hard to put away my worries and just focus on God.  Most days I can't even find it within me to open up my Bible.  But no matter what, whenever I stop long enough to breathe, I feel his arms around me, and that makes every stressful moment worth it.

I will always have some form of doubt in my life.  That is true.  But God will always be bigger than that doubt.  That is also true.  I may not have any clue what I should do next, but I will always have Jesus.  And as long as he loves me, I have all I need, right?

Right.

So, what's next?  Will I go to school?  Probably not.  I've declared that threat to myself over and over again whenever I'm in trouble, and not once have I acted on it.  This time will probably be just like all the rest, I'm sure.  If I do go to school, it will be an online school, so that I can learn what I need to and continue my ministry at the same time.  I really don't know what's next though.  I guess I just need to keep taking steps.  One day at a time.  Keep working, keep loving, keep giving, but most importantly, keep resting in Christ.  That's what life is for, right?

Alright... I should probably get on with my day.  Thank you for allowing me to vent for a little while.  I really do feel better.  I guess that's how I know I'm a writer.  Whenever I'm overtaken with emotion, my first response is to write about it.  I have a feeling that won't change anytime soon.

Until next time...

Pray for me.

In the mean time, I'm just going to continue listening to "Breathe" by Jonny Diaz on repeat.

Take it in.  Fill your lungs.
It's the peace of God that overcomes
Just breathe.

Let your weary spirit rest.
Lay down what's good and find what's best.  
Just breathe.

Breathe.  Just breathe.  
Come and rest at my feet.
And be.  Just be.
Chaos calls, but all you really need
Is to just breathe.

A Letter To Myself...

Dear Younger Me,

Life is really hard, you know it?  I'm going to be honest with you, sometimes God does things that don't make any sense, and it's confusing, and complicated, and messy, and you just don't get it.  Mistakes are made almost daily, and sometimes it causes you to wonder if you can do anything right.  Here's the deal, all of this will always be present in your life.  But I have a secret to tell you.  A message from your future that only you can know...

It will get better.

Right now, at this time in your life, you are struggling with friendships.  The first guy you ever liked is starting to grow distant.  Your heart is experiencing aches and pains that you've never felt before, and there are a whole lot of changes yet to be discovered.  Sucky, I know.

Recently, you experienced the pain that came with your grandparents dying five months apart.  There were arguments, and auctions, and loss.  Your family struggled in ways it never has before, and yet somehow came out in one piece.  In the near future you'll lose friends, and gain new ones, only to lose them again.  Boys will come and go, leaving shards behind each time.  Some of these broken relationships are your fault, and some days you'll think that these are the ones that hurt most of all.  You'll become far too good at moving on.

You'll grow up with the assumption that feelings can only lead to negative results, and spend so many days denying your feelings that you'll end up becoming numb to them altogether.  There are moments that are about to happen in your life that will still hurt for a long time, and every time you think you've gotten things figured out, a new loop will come and make you question everything all over again.  Trust will become an issue, as well as confidence, and sometimes even joy.  But through all that, there's something you should know...

You will never be alone.

You're going to feel alone.  Some nights you will fall asleep with tears on your cheeks and an ache in your heart just because of desperation for companionship.  Some nights I still do.  But please, if you remember anything, remember this:

Feeling alone and actually being alone are two different things, and you will never be alone as long as you walk with God.

I've seen everything that you've gone through so far.  I know each and every individual scar on your heart, and each name that put it there.  I know how hard you fought to forgive, and how long it took to forget.  Insecurity is a struggle that everyone faces, but in time you'll learn that the lowest individuals are the ones God calls out first, and the weakest of people can become the strongest of soldiers.

Don't.  Give.  Up.

There's a reason you went through all of those things.  There is a purpose for your pain.

God allowed friends to leave so that you could have empathy and understanding for those who need a shoulder to lean on.  He allowed people to put you down so that you would trust in him to define you, and know how to properly encourage those in the same low position.  God is going to use your darkness for light, and your lost moments will become a map to guide others to his grace.  You are going to experience first hand how God always keeps his promises, and that he truly does 'work all things for the good of those who love him'.

You'll find theatre, and discover that it's the very air you breathe.  You'll find out that God placed that talent in your life so that you could use it for his glory, and it will be the greatest adventure you've ever experienced.

Have faith.

You'll start writing everyday, and just as theatre is your breath, words will become your heartbeat.  Everything you do will be accompanied by characters that are just now finding a voice in your thoughts.

Let yourself create.

Right now you feel so small.  You've made some bad decisions, and some good ones.  Let me tell you, no matter how much you accomplish, that feeling will never go away.  In fact, the more you try to feel big, the smaller life will make you.  So I have some advice...

Stop trying so hard.

You see, I have the advantage of knowing exactly how you operate.  You are the type of person who is never swayed by what's currently "popular", but is always shaken by the disappointment you feel in yourself.  Don't.  The world is broken enough without you tearing yourself apart.  I know, it is so tempting to be your own worst critic.  But the only way you're going be content in anything is to simply make the decision to do so.

Just be.

Right now it may feel like you are doomed to never have a true friend in the world, but don't lose hope.  Eventually, friends will find you.  But it will happen when you stop being desperate and just accept who you are.  They'll come around you from unexpected places, and they'll be worth the wait, I promise.

Trust God.

And, one final piece of advice.  Do you remember that numbness I told you about?  It's going to seep into you until feeling and loving is a near impossibility.  Satan will use it to mess with your head and bind you in chains of fear and sorrow.  I don't care how much pain you go through, please, don't allow yourself to get to that point.  Even negative feelings are better than no feelings at all.  Trust me.  After years upon years of refusing to give in to emotion or show that I care about anything, I'm finally learning how to let that fear go and just live.  Don't let it take you that long.

Breathe deeply.  Stretch your arms out with closed eyes on windy days.  Dance around in your driveway when it rains.  Take walks in the autumn woods.  Laugh until your stomach aches and your throat makes those weird gasping noises.  Let your hair down.  Brew more tea.  Read yourself to sleep during thunderstorms.  Enjoy the rare closeness you have with your family.  Love without condition, and trust like you've never been hurt.

Most of all, wake up each day with the determination to find a bit of beauty in everything.

You have so much innocent joy to offer this sad world, and so much love to give away.  Your life has so much passion and purpose in store, and I haven't even seen most of it yet.  If you follow my advice and learn from my mistakes, I can't even imagine how much more good you could do.  And God will be with you every step of the way, so don't be afraid to fall.  He'll catch you every time, I promise.

Sincerely,

- You

To Be Honest: Marriage or Ministry?

Note: As a general rule, please read this whole story, otherwise you might end up confused.  Me thanks you :)

One of my greatest struggles that I've been dealing with over the past few months might surprise you.  Until recently, I didn't actually think that I would ever ask this question.  But, sure enough, God did the unexpected and had me thinking through this question anyway.  What question?

Should I continue doing ministry, or should I get married?

I know, that sounds super weird, especially because I am very single right now, but that's why I'm writing about it.  Let me explain...

Ever since starting the teenage drama group, TAG, four years ago my life has been a roller coaster.  Aly's world is basically surrounded on all sides by ministry and the various jobs that are included in that, and let me tell you, it's a beautiful place to be.  I'm a counselor, drama teacher, writer, actor, director, sister, friend, and so much more.  And each of those jobs has a different set of responsibilities.

But the best part is: I love what I do, and I can see God's hand in everything.

I'm a very independent minded individual, which is extremely helpful considering my job description.  I rely on God and myself for everything, only going to others when I absolutely have to (which isn't necessarily always a good thing).  I love my life in ministry, and I've never seen anything wrong with it.

Until recently, when I read an article that penetrated my thoughts like an arrow to the brain.

The article was about how to know if you're being called to a life of singleness.  I don't know what it was that resulted in me clicking on that article, but I was curious, so I clicked on it.

I didn't think it would change anything... But it did.

One section of the article talked about considering being single if you're deeply involved in ministry.  The writer said that this situation is often a difficult one to raise a family in, and makes marriage even harder sometimes (depending on the level of ministry involvement).  As soon as I stopped to think about it, with all that's been going on in my life lately, it didn't take very long for me to confirm that this might not be the best environment to bring a family, or even a husband, into.

I'm a female, so I think about stuff a lot.  And since I've grown so much in the past year, my mind has just naturally started traveling to what my life would look like with a spouse and kids.  As soon as I finished that article and began really thinking about it, though, I kind of freaked out.  It took awhile to admit it to myself, but my current career goals could be really, really hard in a classic family situation.

Every week I act as a counselor for around 20 teenagers, which is an incredible blessing in my life, but can also be a little taxing.  It takes time, prayer, and a lot of energy to lead a large group of actors every week.  Because of this, any relationship I enter would not only have my ups and downs, but the ups and downs of these teenagers too.  Based on where I feel God is leading me, it's very possible that I could be traveling quite often in the future as well.  This is great for a single pringle, but not so great for a married couple with separate jobs.

This probably sounds ridiculously worrisome, but if I have a family, I want to get it right.

Don't get me wrong, I want a family more than anything.  I've been pinning homeschooling, marriage, and kid stuff on Pinterest for over a year now in anticipation for the day that I'll finally get to share adventures with a little family of my own.  But this year I've been having to ask myself, "Is my lifestyle one that could be healthy for a mom and wife to have?"  I've witnessed ministry families that barely see each other, and their kids end up being terribly neglected.  I don't want to end up being that parent.  I also don't want my family to end up having "those kids".  They deserve better.

It's not all bad though.  I've also witnessed married couples who do ministry work together, and are stronger for it.  There are husband and wife public speakers, filmmakers, musicians, actors, etc...  And they're better off because they work together.  In fact, some of the strongest marriages I've seen are those of couples who work together in their ministry to build on each other's skill sets.  It's like the ultimate dream team, and it's incredible to watch!  Most of these couples have kids as well, and bring their children to do ministry work with them.  In these situations, marriage, family, and ministry mesh together in such a beautiful way.  It's like a harmonizing trio of singers when they hit their notes just right.

So the only thing left for me to decide was which one does God want for me?

I guess I've always assumed that when you grow up, getting married and having kids is just part of the deal.  Until recently, I had never even stopped to consider that God could have a different plan for my life, or that God could possibly lead me to a place where having a family of my own would be a toxic situation.  These ideas and thoughts shook me in a way that I haven't experienced in awhile.  But I realize now why this long thought process definitely needed to happen.

I prayed.  I prayed a whole lot...  And God answered.  

For the first time, I was forced to consider whether or not I really desire marriage and a family, instead of just accepting it as the normal thing that happens to everyone.  Did I want to continue following my dream of being an author and a theatre director, or did I want to give that up to become a wife and a mom?  Was this a choice that even needed to be made?

I felt that it was, and I felt that this was something that God really wanted me to consider.

Then, a few days ago, God finally told me what I've been needing to hear.  As I was journaling about this problem, and the choice I felt I needed to make, God opened my eyes.  I realized that my desire for ministry and my desire for family held equal sway over my heart, and both are things that I feel strongly called to.  I didn't know how I could do both, but in that moment I didn't need to know.  God reminded me of all the couples I've seen who do ministry together, and at once I felt that ministry and family were meant to go hand in hand in my life.

I saw the flowers in all their many colors in my mom's garden, and the birds that flew around our yard, and how both were beautifully designed and created by God.  It reminded me that I'm beautifully designed and created too.  God has a glorious purpose for me, and in that moment I saw that I shouldn't be measuring my own strength against that purpose.  My desires for both a ministry and a family are there by design, not by chance, and I know that if I follow God's plan he will give me the strength to do both.

And if God created me to be an author, director, wife, and mother all at the same time, he will also give me the strength and wisdom to do so.

This realization had me feeling lighter than I have in a long time.  The best part about it is that I had the blessing of sharing these thoughts with a few of my girlfriends a day later, and found out that I'm not the only one who's been dealing with this issue.  Apparently a lot of girls feel the need to choose between a career and a family.  We all shared our own personal experiences with this idea, and delighted in the fact that we worship and serve a God who can help us do both!

So on the way home, I prayed again.  But this time, instead of praying for guidance, I prayed for my future husband and family.  I prayed that God would send me a man who's heart is like mine: 100% passionate about ministry, and 100% passionate about family.  I prayed that this man would be just as in love with the purpose and teenagers of TAG as I am, and prayed that, God willing, he would maybe even want to make this team of teenagers a part of his purpose as well.  I prayed that our family would be close, and that our kids would grow to love the Lord.  Most of all, I simply prayed that God would take control, and keep my feet pointed in the right direction.

And as I pulled in my driveway that night, the peace I felt was instant, and I couldn't help but smile.

Have you ever experienced worry over a choice like this one?  How did you decide what to do?  Is this a decision that you still struggle with today?  Let me know!

So This Is Love...

I have a problem...

Over the past few weeks I've been trying to make time to sit down, open my Bible, and make it something I look forward to on a daily basis, but it just doesn't seem to be going as well as I'd hoped.  For awhile it was working.  I was reading about Joshua and his mighty men, and it was thrilling!  As long as God was with them and they with God, their swashbuckling army could not fail!  They conquered mass amounts of kingdoms, and overcame some truly amazing battles, and reading about it definitely got my attention!

The next chapters, however, were not so tantalizing.  I can only read about genealogy and what pieces of land went to which Israelite tribes for so long before my interest takes a nose dive.  Not that it isn't interesting...  But that kind of reading just isn't as breathtaking as the stories are.

Needless to say, I ended up skipping past it.

Yesterday I started reading about Ruth and Naomi.  And, like opening a brand new romance novel, I was swept off my feet.  A young widow chooses to accompany her mother in-law (who is also a widow) to a strange new place away from her hometown, and ends up being noticed by an amazing man of God, Boaz, who becomes the love of her life.  Now, I've read this story before, but for some reason it had a whole new aroma about it this time.  It got me thinking a lot about love.  Not just the relationship kind, but all kinds of love.  It brought me back to the famous passage in 1 Corinthians 13, and I was truly captured by it this time.  A question was brought to my mind once again...

What does God say about love, and how can I remember it in a way that I can go back to daily?

Usually when I picture love, my mind gets swept along by all the Disney movies I grew up with as a kid.  Yup, I was that child.  The child who came home for the first time to a full on Mickey and Minnie nursery, and I've been hooked ever since.

If you are anything like me, it is always easier to sit down and pop in a Disney movie than it is to truly get into God's Word.  I know, that makes me sound like a terrible person, but it's just the truth.  Staring at a screen, watching a magical story unfold, is just much more tempting.  But what do all Disney movies have in common with the Bible?

Love.

That's why I decided to pair each of the characteristics of love from 1 Corinthians 13 together with the Disney characters that I believe truly display each quality.  I'm doing this not only to get a chance to really think about this passage, and have fun doing it, but also to have a way to plug each phrase into my memory.  I hope you enjoy reading through this as much as I did putting it together!

Love is patient...

Jane teaching Tarzan is my favorite part of the movie.

Love is kind...

The perfect example of showing grace to those who hurt you.

It does not envy...

She grew up in the woods, very poor, and yet totally content.

It does not boast...

"Pull back!  Pull back!  Make it close!  Go for second!"

It is not proud...

The only ones on both sides to give each other a chance.

It is not rude...

No matter what Carl had to say, Russel was always polite.

It is not self-seeking...

This scene stuck out in my mind right away.

It is not easily angered...

(The T-Swift reference was too perfect, I couldn't help it...)

It keeps no record of wrongs...

To this day, I love how they welcomed Kuzco into the family.

Love does not delight in evil...

"I don't wanna be the bad guy anymore."

But rejoices with the truth...

Yeah, I would have hugged him too.

It always protects...

His methods were a little questionable, but still quite a protector.

Always trusts...

"Wow, that was like some crazy trust exorcise or something."

Always hopes...

 
  

Basically self explanatory.

Always perseveres...


The title of the movie says it all. Bravery perseveres.

Love never fails.

Fun, right?  Now, whenever I watch these movies, I can think about this passage of scripture.  Hopefully I can memorize it too!  Thanks for the read!