Dear Men of God... 5 Things You Should Know

Now, before you feel the need to defend yourselves, I promise the purpose of this post is NOT to condemn and/or judge you. In fact, it's quite the opposite. The purpose of this post is appreciation and encouragement. So, if that sounds like something you've been needing, stick around! I'm going to dive right into it, in the blogger-typical numbered fashion. Here we go...


1. You're You For A Reason

The era we live in has made it harder than ever for men to just be themselves. Specifically men interested in the arts. More times than not, a passion for music, dance, theatre, or other creative endeavors will get you a one way ticket to a multitude of questions, usually about your gender identity. This can even lead to bullying. I'm a theatre director, so I've operated in the arts long enough to see it take place first hand. I think this trend goes all the way back to a very unfortunate lie that states men can't be emotional.

Who started that anyway? Since when does sentiment and having feelings make you less of a man? As a female, I'm here to tell you something very important: Emotions are not gender exclusive. Let me repeat that... EMOTIONS ARE NOT GENDER EXCLUSIVE. Think of King David in the Bible. God made him a musician and an incredible poet, but he was also a military leader and a mighty warrior. He felt things deeply, and it only aided him as a king and commander, because it gave him empathy towards his people. Being an artist, or being in touch with your emotional side, does not make you weak. The opposite is true. So if God has given you a spirit of deep sensitivity and passion, revel in it. He made you that way for a purpose, and he's going to use that part of you for amazing things.

(Also, guys with an emotional side are typically the ones we ladies find very attractive. Just sayin'.)


2. Women Who Desire The Biblical Model Of Marriage Do Exist

This point goes out to the single pringles. I know, I know, I'm "so old school" and I need to "get with the times." That's what most women would say to me anyway, and here's why...

I am one of those rare females who still believes that men are supposed to be the leaders of their household. Yep, did you hear that? That was the sound of a thousand feminists fainting at the very thought. But it's true! Just like the trinity is three in one, and each part has it's own purpose, so goes with marriage. I believe that it's possible for husband and wife to be a team, working together, while still having their own individual parts to play as outlined in scripture.

In our current generation, I know it seems like finding other men and women who want to follow this model is impossible. But we're out there. We exist, I promise. And, just like you, we're praying for a beautiful, God-honoring love story like that of Ruth and Boaz (Ruth 2:1-4:17), Moses and Zipporah (Exodus 2:15-22), Mary and Joseph (Luke 1:26-56, 2:1-7, Matthew 1:18-2:23), and Isaac and Rebekah (Genesis 24:1-67). Be patient and don't give up hope.


3. Masculinity Is Not Toxic. Humanity Is.

Again, this is probably the opposite of what you're used to hearing. Our generation has done men a great disservice, and I'm not afraid to say so. I've seen the resulting frustration in my own household, as it leaves my brothers, who are the sweetest men alive, feeling downtrodden and stepped on. Women have presently decided to blame the entire male gender for the crimes of the few, and it sickens me for both sides. I ache for the women who were hurt so badly that they felt the need to take it out on everyone around them. And I ache for the men who are now harassed and yelled at for being chivalrous. Everything is backwards.

Call me crazy, but I am a woman who is overjoyed when a man opens the door for me, helps me put on my coat, and pays for dinner. Show me some of that classic gentlemanly charm, and I'm sold! I'm also a lady who greatly appreciates men leading the relationship. I will fall head over heals for a man who pursues my heart with prayer and planning. The majority of my female friends agree! Boys who confuse and play games might be alright for some. But the right woman will appreciate your intentionality.

We live in a fallen world, which means those who seek God's direction are going to be constantly tried and tested. But take heart. You're not alone.


4. Mental Illness Isn't A "Female Problem"

This is a societal belief that hides in the shadows and goes unspoken. It goes hand in hand with the assumption that men can't or shouldn't be emotional, and this point aggravates me more than all the others.

I work in youth ministry, and if I had a dime for every teenage boy who shared their mental health struggles with our leadership team - expressing that they've never been able to share this information with their friends or family members before - I would have a lot of dimes. What's even worse is when they DO share these struggles with their friends and family members, but are told to "push through it," "man up," "don't give in to weakness," and "stop being dramatic." I'm sorry, but neglecting another person's emotions, especially with dangerous struggles like self-harm and suicidal thoughts, is unacceptable. If someone in your life has treated you this way, I want to offer my sincerest, deepest apologies on their behalf. Mental illnesses, just like emotions, are not gender exclusive.

You're not broken. You're not "less Christian" because you struggle with anxiety, depression, anorexia (because boys can have eating disorders too), etc... You're not weak. In fact, you're stronger than most because you have more to fight through everyday. You're not less of a man for dealing with this. It's okay to need space to breathe. It's okay to feel hurt. It's okay to get frustrated. Just don't stay there. If I've learned anything from my years in ministry it's that, first, everyone has problems, and second, people are going to find a way to judge and demean you no matter what that problem is. Don't let them. Work towards seeking help. Talk to a therapist or your pastor or both (both is good). Surround yourself with healthy people who will aid the problem instead of make it worse. Accept that the issue exists, and then don't let it win.

My favorite quote recently is by Eleanor Roosevelt, and it says, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." You don't have to let them hurt you. That's up to you. You're a man of God either way, and you have a choice, so choose wisely.


5. You Are Loved Abundantly

The most crucial point of all... You are loved abundantly by the perfect Creator who made you. When he put you on this earth, he designed you exactly as intended, not a hair or cell misplaced. It doesn't feel like it all the time, I know. You look in the mirror or lay awake at night, and you hate yourself sometimes. You might even wish you were someone else.

Don't.

Because while your time is devoted to self-loathing, there's a very big God who's thoughts for you outnumber the grains of sand (Psalm 139). He will never leave you or forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6), he will strengthen you and help you (Isaiah 41:10), and if God is for you, who can be against you (Romans 8:31)?

There is more power, grace, and compassion on your side than you realize. Dwell in it and soak it in. Allow it to fill you up.


There's probably a lot more I could write, but these are the main points I wanted to send your way. I hope you found them encouraging! Don't let the world define who you are. That's God's job, and he does it perfectly! God bless!

Your sister in Christ,

- Aly

The Me That I Am

I met someone new;
An intriguing acquaintance, now mine.
A voice that rang bells. Eyes like ghosts.
And a door opened.

-

Lips as red as the bleeding heart on her sleeve.
It didn't take long to notice,
She was a cocktail of emotion.
She moved through life like a bullet.

-

A name settled on the tip of my tongue,
Unbeknownst to my mind.
Recognition, but no placement.
She remained a mystery.

-

We struck up conversation
Like one strikes a match.
Words passed.
Time didn't.

-

I knew her face so well,
Yet identity still escaped me.

-

Something happened.
Movement caught my eye.
She adjusted her glasses, and there it was.
The quirk gave it away.

-

Me.

-

How could that be?
This reflection wore my face,
But not my flaws.
She was...more.

-

There was passion in her presence.
I looked at her shoulders.
The usual weariness was gone.
I was breathless.

-

I barely recognized her
Without the boulder on her chest.
Where was the inhibition
that lived behind her teeth?

-

She loved like the first breath
And gave like the last.
She looked at hurdles with narrowed eyes
And jumped.

-

She glided past rejection.
She broke.
She let go.
And then shared her heart anyway.

-

She was green tea and ginger;
Adding warmth and spice to life.
She was a novel from 1945;
Old fashioned, with scribbled thoughts on every page.

-

She was the desk in her room,
As shamelessly messy as her mind.
She was unshaken, creative,
Knowing, undefeated.

-

She learned from the past,
Laughed in the present,
and faced the future with anticipation.
All three were friends to her.

-

My soul wept at the sight of her.
Father, will I ever get there?
I asked.
I want to be who she is.

-

I wanted the restfulness in her eyes.
I wanted the contagious joy in her posture.
I wanted to trust no matter what.
I wanted to step out on the sea and believe I could stand.

-

Lord, when will I be her?

-

The answer came,
Whispered.
Waves of tenderness
Crashed on the shore of my soul.

-

You are.

-

Just two words,
And all I could do was breathe.
My lips fell open.
My eyes fell closed.

-

That answer was impossible,
Yet, somehow, believable.
The Creator said it.
It must be so.

-

My heart and brain sped.
The previously new acquaintance vanished.
It was just me.
But not really.

-

There was also Him. The voice's keeper.
Unshaken, creative,
Knowing, undefeated.
Him.

-

And He was the reason
I found those two words so believable.
In His death I gained life.
In His brokenness I was made whole.

-

The rest was history.
My existence defined in two words.
Made with a purpose, unstoppable,
Even by my own shortcomings.

-

The inheritance of royalty
Given to a beggar on the street.
How great the Father's love for us!
How vast beyond all measure!

-

That was the first day God introduced me
To myself.
And ever since I've been discovering
The me that I am.


(Photo Credit: Natalya Bartelt)

My Year In Review: 18 Quotes For 2018

In 2017 my resolution was to "Lose Myself In God's Love." God came through on that theme in ways I never would have expected. I experienced ministry burnout, which left me with nothing to cling to but God. I started this year, 2018, with nothing left to give and not a clue who I was meant to be. My new resolution was to "Abide In Him," because that's basically all I had the energy to do. God's been working on me with that one all year and, most of the time, just being honest, I've failed miserably.

If there's one ongoing lesson God's been teaching me this year, it's how very badly I need to work on two very important words...

Be Still.

But that's another blog post for another day.

2018 has been filled with new people, new experiences, and the beautiful process of rediscovering who God created me to be. I spent the first half of the year allowing God to remind me who I am. Then, once I had spent several months rebuilding, the second half of the year included growth through several new, terrifying, challenging, joyful, blessed experiences. At the end of it all, I feel more myself than I ever have. I'm confident that I'm exactly where God wants me, and it's the first time in a long time I've been able to say that. 

I know who I am. 

But I'm still in the process of learning, growing, and seeing where my path leads. I've been praying about what my resolution should be for next year, and I think I've finally landed on the right one. In 2019, I hope to "Rediscover My Purpose."

Before I move forward with that theme, though, I wanted to summarize where I've been, where I am, and where I'm hoping to be in the future. So, without any further rambling and in no particular order, here are 18 quotes that describe my 2018.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

It Gets Better

Hello friends.

Honestly, I'm not even sure how to start this post. This year has been a whirlwind. But the overwhelming truth that I keep coming back to is this...

Our good, wonderful, glorious God is so magnificently, unconditionally FAITHFUL.

If you've been reading my previous posts, you know that I've been in the depths of ministry burnout for about two years now, which came to a climax in the Fall/Winter of 2017. Feel free to go back and read those heart cries if you need to catch up on that whole situation. I didn't want to accept it then, but I can say with honesty now that I had been experiencing depression along with the burnout at that time as well. It was a series of dark days for me. I seriously thought I would never feel that beautiful passion burning inside me ever again. For theatre, for writing, for ministry. But, praise the Lord, that darkness is not where I remained.

Now, almost a year later, I am rejoicing!

God walked every step of this year right along side me, and proved to me time and again how vast his goodness and mercy really are. I'm more myself than I've ever been, and I couldn't have gotten here without the wake up call of hitting rock bottom, and having no choice but to look up. God truly turned my entire world upside down, and I've never been so thankful to have my plans pried from my fingers.

Last year my resolution was to "Lose Myself in God's Love." He brought that to fruition in a more beautiful way than I could have ever imagined. I didn't think it was beautiful at the time, though. I'd been stripped of every mask I used to wear, the comfort I used to cling to, hiding behind identities that weren't my own. Writer, Director, Ministry Leader, the list went on. And God tore those masks away from me one at a time, until all that was left at the end of last year was... me.

That isn't what I wanted. "Me" isn't what I wanted. Without those masks I became the girl who hadn't dealt with the pain that friends and past relationships had left behind, shoving it away to keep the feelings of worthlessness at bay. I became the girl who developed social anxiety from being bullied. The girl who smiled all day and said she was good just to avoid talking about how she had cried herself to sleep the night before, the weight of her stress being far too much for her to bear. Without those masks all I had was my pain.

And that pain is what God was trying to get to all along.

Over New Years, feeling at the very end of me and not capable of really "doing" anything, my resolution for 2018 was to simply "Abide In Him."

Honestly, abiding was all I could do. I was so exhausted, and I had no ways to please anyone that wouldn't totally drain my energy in an hour or less. All I could do was sit at the feet of Jesus and let him love me.

And that's exactly what he wanted all along.

In church they always tell you that "God's love isn't something we can ever earn." And we all smile and nod and say we agree. But do we really believe that statement? I thought I did. And then I learned, after 7 years of ministry, that I had believed one thing while simultaneously living in the opposite.

I believed that I could earn God's love. I could deserve it. "All those other people in my past hadn't thought me worthy of long-term love, but surely I could make God see that I was deserving of the sacrifice he had made for me!"

Flummadiddle!

I couldn't teach God how to love me anymore than I could teach a potato how to be a potato. A potato already IS a potato! And God already loves me as much as he ever could, with every ounce of unconditional love that he has!

And so, as I've spent this year abiding in his gracious love for me, I've found so much healing in taking the time to just simply be in awe. Do you ever do that? Just sit and allow yourself to be amazed by God?

Yesterday I went for a walk, and the air was a settling kind of warm, and the breeze was just strong enough to blow my hair back and kiss my skin, and the sky had just enough stars and clouds to look like pure artistry. I took off my shoes and stood in still, quiet water. My lungs filled with the blessed scent of dewy greenery. I could taste a coming rainstorm brewing in the breeze. I felt rocks under my toes.

That's something you truly miss when you go through burnout... Feeling. In the midst of that season, everything is numb. Food you used to enjoy has no taste. Joy and anger are just words. Everything is indifference and dull sorrow, and not knowing why.

Last night was one of the many times over the past several months where I quieted my heart and just allowed myself to feel. And I did. And what I found was pure, unhindered joy welling in my soul. In that moment, it was impossible for me not to marvel at God's majesty.

Remember that trail I was telling you about in a previous post? The one that God wanted me to pave? I think I found it. That trail he wants me to pave and explore is my relationship with him. What I'll find along the way, I have no idea.

But that's the exciting part, isn't it? We get to ADVENTURE, and GROW, and DISCOVER until the day we pass away. And then we'll stand in amazement as we look at the full tapestry that God used our lives to create. And it will be the most beautiful thing!

If you're someone experiencing depression, burnout, or some other struggle right now, don't stop fighting. God can use it, and he WILL use it. Not only that, but he'll bring a whole new season of light to you on the other side. You'll feel again. You'll hope again. You'll breathe again. Allow yourself the time to ache, and rest, and mourn over the broken pieces of the life you've lost. But then open your arms, sit in God's presence, and let him love on you!

Don't ever stop fighting for your purpose, your joy, your soul.

Even after you heal, you're still going to have days now and then when that exhaustion comes back. Listen to it! Rest when it comes, and take the time to really hear what your heart is telling you. But I promise it will improve with time, and those burnout days will get less and less frequent.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to those of you who have kept me in your prayers, and have been so good about checking in to make sure I'm okay. God has used you to heal my heart in more ways than you will ever know.

Now... I'm ready.

I'm ready to grow again. I'm ready to feel again. I'm ready to continue the adventure that God called me to so many years ago, applying all the new things I've learned along the way.

I'm ready.

Onward and Upward!

The Wilderness

I haven't posted on this blog in a very long time. I should have written more over the past several months. Writing on here usually helps me sort through my thoughts like nothing else can. But my headspace has been a not-so-positive place recently, and I didn't want to bring down someone else's day just because mine haven't been the greatest.

Christians have described this feeling in several ways. Burnout, Dry Season, Dessert Soul. In a devotional by Tenth Avenue North that I read a week ago, Mike described it as "The Wilderness." That description always connects with the word "lost" in my mind.

I've been lost in the wilderness before.

A friend and I were walking trails we had walked tons of times before. The only problem was there had been flooding in the area this time, and some things looked very different. We were engaged in conversation, and soon we discovered that we had no clue where we were. We were planning on our walk being short, so we didn't have our phones. It was an unfortunate situation from the start.

We wandered and walked, walked and wandered, looking desperately for the trail we had come from. It took us three hours to finally find our way back. By then we were hungry, thirsty, exhausted, terrified. To this day when I see deep forests out my window as we're driving down the road, I get nervous.

That's how my life feels right now.

I'm wandering, looking for the clear path that used to lay before me. I thought God's plan was constant. I thought I knew, without a doubt, what he wanted for me. I thought I was headed in the right direction. So why is it I'm losing myself?

Why can't I find my way back to that trail?

God, why have you led me here, into the wilderness, when the narrow path was hard enough?

As I ask myself these questions every day, the only answer I can seem to come up with is that He wants me to start making a new trail.

What this new trail may be, I haven't the slightest idea. I don't know where it will lead. I don't know what direction to pave it in. I don't know if, three feet down the way, I'll need to turn left, right, or backwards. I just need to keep going and hope for the best.

Outside of this metaphor, I've made a trail before. It wasn't exactly a typical trail, or a typical way to make it, but it worked for the purpose we needed it for at that time.

I worked on a film set this summer as a Production Assistant. It was amazing! I loved every single second of it. If I could spend every single day doing that job, I would.

One day we were on location in a giant field, with grass as high as my shoulders. In the middle of the field was a tree that we were intending to film by, but we couldn't figure out how to get the actors out to it when we didn't have anything to mow down the tall grass. The costumes for that day, just like every other day in this particular film, were very elegant and couldn't get dirty. So, having the actors wade through the field in costume was out of the question.

That was when another odd job got added to my constantly growing list of "random things PA's are asked to do on a film set." Several of us started stomping the grass down sideways to make a small trail leading out to the tree. It was insanely slow-going, but I actually found it kind of fun. I was outside with friends, I was working on a film, I was going to have leg muscles of steel at the end of the day. Life was grand!

Here's the thing about making a trail this way, though. It does not happen quickly.

One step forward, stomp-stomp-stomp, shuffle-shuffle-shuffle, smooth to the side.

One step forward, stomp-stomp-stomp, shuffle-shuffle-shuffle, smooth to the side.

Little bit by little bit, all the way to the center of the field.

Tedious, exhausting, requiring patience, no indication how long it would take, adjusting direction one step at a time.

The Wilderness.

When we finished the trail, the actors were able to walk to the tree without difficulty, and the scene we filmed turned out beautifully. In fact, it holds some of my favorite shots of the entire movie.

Who knows, maybe that's why God has me where I am right now. Maybe, by inching my way forward in this tedious way, others will be able to use this path to walk toward Christ. Maybe someone will go this way who never thought to before, and it'll change them. Maybe the road less traveled isn't a road at all, but a direction without a map.
Maybe that's why it's called faith.

All I can do is keep going, bit by tiny bit, with the hope that God will lead me to a new path. But for now it's step by step, little by little, until I can finally discover the woman God is creating in me. It's long, and exhausting, and I'm falling short every single day it seems. Some days I make it three steps forward on my trail-making journey. Some days I only make one. Some days I have to walk backwards to smooth out what I did yesterday.

Through all of this, my thoughts are brought back to two years ago when I was directing Pilgrim: A Musical Based On Pilgrim's Progress. I don't think I've ever related to Christian more. Just more proof that God's timing is always perfect.

I'm not really sure where this post was supposed to lead, just like I'm not sure where my life is leading. But God is in control. He has a plan. His plans are good.

No matter what happens, at the end of the day, I am a daughter of the King of Kings. I don't need to know anything else, do I?

Hopefully you don't either.

Jesus, Flip My Tables

Over the past week since posting my previously deep and hopeless thoughts, there's been a whirlwind of colored-lens-removal and fresh perspective.  I'm not even sure how to describe it, which is one of the reasons it took over a week to update you again on the transformation.  Today, I've decided to abandon all efforts of perfect explaining, and just go for it.  So, here I am.

Am I still tired and exhausted?  Yes.

Are my daily struggles with self doubt still present?  Yep.

Are fears and anxious visions of failure still looming in the back of my mind?  Oh yeah.

Do I care?

Not one bit.

That's the difference, I guess.  Some of the very important lessons I've learned over the past few months have showed me that I need not be afraid of the feelings of weakness and incapability that I face each day.  Those feelings keep me relying on my Savior.  They allow me to do what I love, and be used by a Creator who sees more in me than I see in myself.  My pride - my desperation to do everything on my own - was the very reason I felt so useless.

I am capable of nothing without God.

So, what did I learn that flipped that for me?

First of all...

I learned it takes grace to forgive others, but it takes bravery to forgive yourself.

I can't even tell you the amount of times I struggle to show myself mercy.  I beg God's forgiveness, which he's always willing to give.  And then I think nonstop about my mistakes for ages after they occur.  I give myself no room for error.  I falter constantly, and then I internalize and destroy myself for it. 

I learned that I need to offer myself the same grace that I offer others.

"But if I'm not harsh on myself I'll make the same mistakes over again!"  My heart argues.

God says differently.

If the only thoughts I dwell on are my mistakes, the only thing I'll be capable of is more mistakes.

On the other hand, if the only thing I dwell on is grace, I'll be constantly capable of more grace.

It works kind of like dreams do.  If I spend all evening telling myself not to dream about snakes, chances are pretty good that when I close my eyes I'm going to dream about snakes (ugh...please, no.  I DO NOT want to dream about snakes. *shivers*).  I believe the same principle stands here. 

I learned that I am responsible for my actions, but I am not responsible for other's reactions.

This took a lot longer to figure out, because the idea is a bit complicated.  I'll try and simplify it the best I know how.

What it comes down to is this...

If a teen messages me or calls me on the phone and tells me they're having a horrible day, obviously I'm going to do the best I possibly can to help them feel better.  However, their final emotional state after our conversation isn't completely reliant on me.  It's all up to how God decides to shift their emotions based on his plan.  How they react to my words of encouragement is completely up to them.  God can use my words in whatever way he sees fit.

Sometimes there are people who react badly to the ideas and messages of the theatre productions and stories I write.  They're God breathed and deeply prayed over, so I know I'm being responsible for my actions.  However, I have no control over their reactions.  It doesn't mean what I wrote suddenly becomes "anti-God."  It just means they reacted badly to the message God gave me to tell, and that's ok.

I do the best I can.  I'm constantly striving to learn and grow.  I resolve problems in the best way I know how.  That's my responsibility.  But if someone decides they don't like what I do and they want to chew me out for it, that's not on me.  As long as I'm acting in God's will, I'm doing what I should be.  The negative comments others decide to give no longer have to tear me apart. 

It's my job to take carefully prayed-over steps to follow God's plan.  It's NOT my job to change myself and internalize a self-destructive attitude every single time someone decides they want to blame me for their own problems.

Pleasing God and pleasing people are often totally different things, and you can't serve both at the same time.

I learned that God is perfect, so I don't have to be.

I recently had my eyes opened wide when someone pointed out to me that, if I truly want to believe in the power of God, I should believe that he's big enough to carry out his plan no matter how many times I mess up along the way.  I heard this during a speaking event with a missionary.  Earlier in the evening they had told some comical stories about accidentally misusing different words while learning the language of the culture they had moved into. 

Now, this point shouldn't be taken the wrong way.  There's a difference between making an honest mistake while in God's will, and just doing whatever you want because you think God will fix it for you.  You can't set out to be a pastor on Sundays, be worldly the rest of the week, and then expect God to bless your ministry.  That's not how the relationship works.

I'm talking about simple learning experiences.  Times when there are misunderstandings, when something isn't fully communicated, when you honestly thought something was one way but it turned out being another way entirely.  We're not perfect (SURPRISE!), so when we expect ourselves to be we're actually trying to be more than even God expects of us.  He's loving.  He's forgiving.  He's gracious and merciful.  He can use us, no matter what.  He didn't die on the cross just so we could be stopped in our tracks by simple mistakes, or even big mistakes for that matter. 

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, can separate us from God's love!

THAT needs to be our mentality.

Now to the point.  What on earth does the title of this post mean?

I recently discussed this concept with my TAG actors during an unprepared devotional session.  The other day I asked them if they wanted me to do devotions from our usual book, or to just wing it.  They all asked me to wing it, so I figured it was the perfect time to tell them about this idea that has been running through my mind recently.

I started out by reading Mark 11:15-18

15 They came to Jerusalem, and he went into the temple

complex and began to throw out those buying and selling

in the temple.  He overturned the money changers'

tables and the chairs of those selling doves,

16 and would not permit anyone to carry goods through

the temple complex.

17 Then he began to teach them: "Is it not written,

My house will be called a house of prayer for all

nations?  But you have made it into a den thieves!"

18 Then the chief priests and the scribes heard it and started

looking for a way to destroy Him.  For they were afraid of

Him, because the whole crowd was astonished by His teaching.

(From the HCSB)

After reading this, I began sharing my thoughts.  I started by asking for another term the Bible uses for the human body.  One of the middle school boys answered immediately. 

"The temple."  He stated.

Yes!  They were on the right track!

I was super excited, because I was going on this trip right along with them.  God was revealing this chain of new thoughts to me moment by moment, even as I was revealing it to them. 

I continued to talk as God spoke to my heart, and I'll try my best to type out here what he was showing me that evening, as I was surrounded by my awesome teens.

***

In this passage of scripture, Jesus showed a surprising amount of intensity in comparison to the rest of his encounters with the public throughout scripture.  But it was for good reason.  The people were using the temple as a market place, which was not the purpose it was designed for.  A dramatic misuse that required an equally dramatic wake-up call.

How often do we use our "temples" for things they weren't designed for?  We talk about people negatively behind their backs, thinking, "it's ok because they'll never know."  We give ourselves over to fear and doubt, even though the Bible tells us constantly that we need not be afraid.  We act like we're too far gone to be used by God, even though we were designed with a specific plan in mind. 

Right now we're probably all thinking similar things.  I'm guessing we're all probably judging those who were selling their wares in the temple, scoffing at them and wondering why they ever thought that was a good idea.  But don't we do the same exact thing every day?  Aren't our temples just as corrupted? 

Every single day our souls are surrounded by table after table of so-called "goods" that the world tries to convince us are needed to survive. 

It's because of this that a certain prayer has taken over my world recently.  It's a simple prayer.  It's short, and to the point.  But it's been changing everything for me since I started using it.

"Jesus, flip my tables."

(Cue laughter from the actors at my odd statement)

I know, I know.  It sounds really funny.  But it's true, isn't it?!  We're constantly distracted by things that have nothing to do with the purpose God has for us!

(Nods all around)

Lately I've been praying this statement over and over, especially when I'm feeling stolen away by the market place I've allowed to grow in my temple.

(At this point in the discussion, after others had added to the topic with their own thoughts, I asked everyone to share a table in their life that needed to be flipped.  As usual, they took it more seriously than I had expected.) 

FEAR. 

BUSYNESS.

HOPELESSNESS.

DOUBT.

ANGER.

WORRY.

ANXIETY.

SOCIAL MEDIA.

REPUTATION.

PRIDE.

DEPRESSION.

LONELINESS.

ENVY.

And so many more. 

These are the tables in our marketplace.  The distractions from our design.  The wares we buy and sell to convince the world we're ok.  These are the emotions that keep us from the purpose our temples were designed for.

I told the TAGers that one of my teachers in high school used to always do a "table flip" motion with his hands whenever he was jokingly frustrated.  He would place his hands out in front of him, and then "flip" them upward as if he were turning a table upside down.  The TAGers and I laughed about this at first, and then we talked through the idea of making that motion a physical reminder to ourselves whenever we felt our "marketplace" taking over.

Then we prayed. 

We prayed for freedom from our distractions.  We prayed for God to move.  We prayed for flipped tables. 

I still do.

Every single day new tables try to create a marketplace in my temple, and every single day I'm learning to turn them away before they can take over.  It's extremely difficult.  It's a constant battle.  But it's a battle worth fighting.

My temple needs to be cleared of all that distracts from the purpose it was designed for.  The purpose of worship.  Of chasing after my God with holy abandon.  Of trusting in my Savior, and resting in his gentle presence.  The purpose of simply being who he created me to be.

"Jesus, flip my tables."

The simplest prayer, with such important meaning.

"Jesus, flip my tables."

What are some tables in your marketplace?  What has God done in your life to "flip" them?  What was your temple designed for, and what are some ways you can prevent a growing market?

My Top 16 Most Listened To Artists Of 2016

As a writer, it often helps my concentration to have music playing through my mind while I write.  Different scenes require different moods, so I listen to a lot of varying types of music.  Even when I'm not writing, I have headphones in my ears and I'm dancing around to something.  It's a usual sight in my house.  Or maybe it's playing through a speaker.  Or I'm listening to my record player.  (As a matter of fact, I have music on while I'm writing this post right now.)  Without furthering your inevitable anticipation, in no particular order, here are my most listened to artists of 2016...


1. Carrollton



Tell Me / Let Love Win / Meant To Be / Open Wide

2. Colony House

Lonely / You and I / Waiting For My Time To Come / Silhouettes / Moving Forward

3. Adam Young Scores

These are my favorite albums to put on shuffle when I'm writing 😁

4. Lauren Daigle

How Can It Be / Trust In You / Come Alive / First


5. Ben Rector

Brand New / Follow You / More Like Love / Forever Like That / Note To Self / Almost Home
(Who am I kidding, all of his songs are amazing)


6. Relient K

There are too many to list, but I'm in love with their newest album.  Air For Free is my jam ❤


7. I Am They



From The Day / Awake My Love / We Are Yours / King Of Love


8. Anthem Lights



Unknown / Like The Movies / Be With You / Dear Hollywood
(Ah, the average Christian girl's favorite band of total weirdos.)

9. Jessa Anderson

Fireflies / Giving Your Heart Away / Worship The Lamb / Not Myself Anymore / Whole

10. Rend Collective

My Lighthouse / Every Giant Will Fall / You Will Never Run / Boldly I Approach

11. NEEDTOBREATHE



Multiplied / Brother / Happiness / Testify


12. Owl City



Vanilla Twilight / Back Home / My Everything / Silhouette / Tidal Wave / Up All Night / Wolf Bite
(Just... all of it.  It's Adam Young, king of the awkward introverts!  Come on, I can't just pick a few.)


13. Jamie Grace



Just A Friend / White Boots / Little Ol' Me / Show Jesus


14. TobyMac



Til The Day I Die / Move / Feel It / Me Without You / Made For Me


15. Tenth Avenue North



Worn / What You Want / We Won't Numb The Pain / Losing / Oh My Dear / Control / Afraid
(Yesss, more beloved Christian weirdos.)


16. 513Free



 Weight Of It All / Different / Slide / Beautiful Mystery / Made For More / Letters To God
(This group is fantastic, and they are so much more than a band.  Their new album, Real Thing, is incredible!  Check it out along with their various prison ministries to #BreakTheCycle!)

What are some of your favorite artists and songs from this year?  Let me know in the comments!

My Prayer For Him...

Hello, ladies and gents!

I am totally blown away!  Usually my posts get, on average, about 50-80 views.  Sometimes as low as 30.  You know that last post about the Nice Guys?  276...  You heard me.

TWO HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-SIX.

Guys, that's insane!  Not only that, but my blog has had consistent views every single day, which has never happened before.  Thank you all so much for actually taking an interest in the random ramblings that go through my mind!  I never actually thought that people would read my stuff, but I guess that's how I know God's the one giving me words.  He's so good!

And, since that post obviously hit home with quite a few people, it actually gave me some inspiration. On that note, I'll get to the point of this post so I can explain :)

So, lately I've been writing song lyrics.  I've always liked music, and I have songs going through my head on the daily.  But I've never really written songs before.  Suddenly, over the past few months, I have new songs pop into my head constantly.

It's never a full song.  More like bits and pieces of different lyrics that could possibly fit together.  But still.  I usually jot them down in my journal and, if I have time, sing the tune into the audio recorder on my iPod.

Well, as fate would have it, around a few weeks ago I came to a realization.  I wanted a better way to remember to pray for my future husband, because I had been feeling like I wasn't praying for him enough and didn't know how to change that.  Every time I sat down to pray the words just wouldn't come.  There was so much to cover, and so many other things on my mind.  Usually when this happens I try to find a song with similar lyrics to what I'm trying to pray for, and then I sing.  Adding music helps me concentrate, and I feel more in the moment with God.  That's when my search began, to find a song that I could sing to pray for my hubby.

The only problem was, as many Christian songs as there are about waiting for marriage and "what she wants in a Godly man", I couldn't find a single one that specifically prayed for the guy.  I was surprised to say the least.

So...in the course of two days, I wrote one for myself.

It's the first song I've ever finished all the way through, and I sing it almost every day now.  It constantly directs my heart to pray for that man that God is saving for me.  I'm not sure if I'll ever post a video of me singing this song, because I'm an introvert with anxiety and singing in front of a camera doesn't mix well with those things.  But for now I wanted to at least post the lyrics that God so clearly placed on my heart, just in case other girls needed a simple way to pray as well.  Ok, well, no more stalling...  This is "My Prayer For Him."

There's a name written on my heart

I'm not sure how many letters

Or even where it starts

But, God, there's something that I have to say

Whether I meet him next week

Or I know him today

You see, forever is a long time

And only You can make it right

That's why I wanted to pray

(Chorus)

I pray he stands up in the face of the lions

Trusting you won't let him 

Stand there alone

When the weight of the world's on his shoulders

I pray he rests in your strength

Instead of bearing it all on his own

I pray he never gives up

Gives in to love

And believe even when hope is dim

This is my prayer for him

He won't be perfect, I  know

We've all got heavy burdens

And pasts to let go

So, Lord, give me patience and grace

To love him like you

On the good and bad days

I just need to trust you

Set my heart on what's true

Even when life starts to rain

- Chorus -

This is my prayer for...

(Bridge)

His trials and his heartaches

When life is more than he can take

And when he's facing a closed door

Even when he's close to you

In joyfulness and solitude

Just let him know he's prayed for

- Chorus -

There's a name written on his heart

It's spelled just like mine

Though he has no clue where it starts

Loving me isn't quite so easy

That's why I've come to you

And I'm down on my knees

I'll just keep on serving you

Like I always strive to do

Until two become one out of three

And meanwhile, meanwhile

Maybe he's praying for me

Father, this is my prayer.  Keep his heart and mind filled with your presence.  Help him to fight for purity, live for truth, and stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves.  I pray that his eyes see the good, and that when he finds darkness his first response would be to get on his knees and talk to you.  I pray for a warrior straight out of Ephesians, clothed in your armor, that he would not hesitate before charging into battle by my side.  Give him courage to face the demons, and the determination to overcome them.  Most of all, I pray that you would grow me and mold me into a woman that kind of man would want to pursue.  Help us to see you in each other, and to take every opportunity to give you glory in our triumphs and shortcomings.  All I desire is to love you more every day.  Teach me to love like you.

Amen.