My Year In Review: 18 Quotes For 2018

In 2017 my resolution was to "Lose Myself In God's Love." God came through on that theme in ways I never would have expected. I experienced ministry burnout, which left me with nothing to cling to but God. I started this year, 2018, with nothing left to give and not a clue who I was meant to be. My new resolution was to "Abide In Him," because that's basically all I had the energy to do. God's been working on me with that one all year and, most of the time, just being honest, I've failed miserably.

If there's one ongoing lesson God's been teaching me this year, it's how very badly I need to work on two very important words...

Be Still.

But that's another blog post for another day.

2018 has been filled with new people, new experiences, and the beautiful process of rediscovering who God created me to be. I spent the first half of the year allowing God to remind me who I am. Then, once I had spent several months rebuilding, the second half of the year included growth through several new, terrifying, challenging, joyful, blessed experiences. At the end of it all, I feel more myself than I ever have. I'm confident that I'm exactly where God wants me, and it's the first time in a long time I've been able to say that. 

I know who I am. 

But I'm still in the process of learning, growing, and seeing where my path leads. I've been praying about what my resolution should be for next year, and I think I've finally landed on the right one. In 2019, I hope to "Rediscover My Purpose."

Before I move forward with that theme, though, I wanted to summarize where I've been, where I am, and where I'm hoping to be in the future. So, without any further rambling and in no particular order, here are 18 quotes that describe my 2018.

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Jesus, Flip My Tables

Over the past week since posting my previously deep and hopeless thoughts, there's been a whirlwind of colored-lens-removal and fresh perspective.  I'm not even sure how to describe it, which is one of the reasons it took over a week to update you again on the transformation.  Today, I've decided to abandon all efforts of perfect explaining, and just go for it.  So, here I am.

Am I still tired and exhausted?  Yes.

Are my daily struggles with self doubt still present?  Yep.

Are fears and anxious visions of failure still looming in the back of my mind?  Oh yeah.

Do I care?

Not one bit.

That's the difference, I guess.  Some of the very important lessons I've learned over the past few months have showed me that I need not be afraid of the feelings of weakness and incapability that I face each day.  Those feelings keep me relying on my Savior.  They allow me to do what I love, and be used by a Creator who sees more in me than I see in myself.  My pride - my desperation to do everything on my own - was the very reason I felt so useless.

I am capable of nothing without God.

So, what did I learn that flipped that for me?

First of all...

I learned it takes grace to forgive others, but it takes bravery to forgive yourself.

I can't even tell you the amount of times I struggle to show myself mercy.  I beg God's forgiveness, which he's always willing to give.  And then I think nonstop about my mistakes for ages after they occur.  I give myself no room for error.  I falter constantly, and then I internalize and destroy myself for it. 

I learned that I need to offer myself the same grace that I offer others.

"But if I'm not harsh on myself I'll make the same mistakes over again!"  My heart argues.

God says differently.

If the only thoughts I dwell on are my mistakes, the only thing I'll be capable of is more mistakes.

On the other hand, if the only thing I dwell on is grace, I'll be constantly capable of more grace.

It works kind of like dreams do.  If I spend all evening telling myself not to dream about snakes, chances are pretty good that when I close my eyes I'm going to dream about snakes (ugh...please, no.  I DO NOT want to dream about snakes. *shivers*).  I believe the same principle stands here. 

I learned that I am responsible for my actions, but I am not responsible for other's reactions.

This took a lot longer to figure out, because the idea is a bit complicated.  I'll try and simplify it the best I know how.

What it comes down to is this...

If a teen messages me or calls me on the phone and tells me they're having a horrible day, obviously I'm going to do the best I possibly can to help them feel better.  However, their final emotional state after our conversation isn't completely reliant on me.  It's all up to how God decides to shift their emotions based on his plan.  How they react to my words of encouragement is completely up to them.  God can use my words in whatever way he sees fit.

Sometimes there are people who react badly to the ideas and messages of the theatre productions and stories I write.  They're God breathed and deeply prayed over, so I know I'm being responsible for my actions.  However, I have no control over their reactions.  It doesn't mean what I wrote suddenly becomes "anti-God."  It just means they reacted badly to the message God gave me to tell, and that's ok.

I do the best I can.  I'm constantly striving to learn and grow.  I resolve problems in the best way I know how.  That's my responsibility.  But if someone decides they don't like what I do and they want to chew me out for it, that's not on me.  As long as I'm acting in God's will, I'm doing what I should be.  The negative comments others decide to give no longer have to tear me apart. 

It's my job to take carefully prayed-over steps to follow God's plan.  It's NOT my job to change myself and internalize a self-destructive attitude every single time someone decides they want to blame me for their own problems.

Pleasing God and pleasing people are often totally different things, and you can't serve both at the same time.

I learned that God is perfect, so I don't have to be.

I recently had my eyes opened wide when someone pointed out to me that, if I truly want to believe in the power of God, I should believe that he's big enough to carry out his plan no matter how many times I mess up along the way.  I heard this during a speaking event with a missionary.  Earlier in the evening they had told some comical stories about accidentally misusing different words while learning the language of the culture they had moved into. 

Now, this point shouldn't be taken the wrong way.  There's a difference between making an honest mistake while in God's will, and just doing whatever you want because you think God will fix it for you.  You can't set out to be a pastor on Sundays, be worldly the rest of the week, and then expect God to bless your ministry.  That's not how the relationship works.

I'm talking about simple learning experiences.  Times when there are misunderstandings, when something isn't fully communicated, when you honestly thought something was one way but it turned out being another way entirely.  We're not perfect (SURPRISE!), so when we expect ourselves to be we're actually trying to be more than even God expects of us.  He's loving.  He's forgiving.  He's gracious and merciful.  He can use us, no matter what.  He didn't die on the cross just so we could be stopped in our tracks by simple mistakes, or even big mistakes for that matter. 

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, can separate us from God's love!

THAT needs to be our mentality.

Now to the point.  What on earth does the title of this post mean?

I recently discussed this concept with my TAG actors during an unprepared devotional session.  The other day I asked them if they wanted me to do devotions from our usual book, or to just wing it.  They all asked me to wing it, so I figured it was the perfect time to tell them about this idea that has been running through my mind recently.

I started out by reading Mark 11:15-18

15 They came to Jerusalem, and he went into the temple

complex and began to throw out those buying and selling

in the temple.  He overturned the money changers'

tables and the chairs of those selling doves,

16 and would not permit anyone to carry goods through

the temple complex.

17 Then he began to teach them: "Is it not written,

My house will be called a house of prayer for all

nations?  But you have made it into a den thieves!"

18 Then the chief priests and the scribes heard it and started

looking for a way to destroy Him.  For they were afraid of

Him, because the whole crowd was astonished by His teaching.

(From the HCSB)

After reading this, I began sharing my thoughts.  I started by asking for another term the Bible uses for the human body.  One of the middle school boys answered immediately. 

"The temple."  He stated.

Yes!  They were on the right track!

I was super excited, because I was going on this trip right along with them.  God was revealing this chain of new thoughts to me moment by moment, even as I was revealing it to them. 

I continued to talk as God spoke to my heart, and I'll try my best to type out here what he was showing me that evening, as I was surrounded by my awesome teens.

***

In this passage of scripture, Jesus showed a surprising amount of intensity in comparison to the rest of his encounters with the public throughout scripture.  But it was for good reason.  The people were using the temple as a market place, which was not the purpose it was designed for.  A dramatic misuse that required an equally dramatic wake-up call.

How often do we use our "temples" for things they weren't designed for?  We talk about people negatively behind their backs, thinking, "it's ok because they'll never know."  We give ourselves over to fear and doubt, even though the Bible tells us constantly that we need not be afraid.  We act like we're too far gone to be used by God, even though we were designed with a specific plan in mind. 

Right now we're probably all thinking similar things.  I'm guessing we're all probably judging those who were selling their wares in the temple, scoffing at them and wondering why they ever thought that was a good idea.  But don't we do the same exact thing every day?  Aren't our temples just as corrupted? 

Every single day our souls are surrounded by table after table of so-called "goods" that the world tries to convince us are needed to survive. 

It's because of this that a certain prayer has taken over my world recently.  It's a simple prayer.  It's short, and to the point.  But it's been changing everything for me since I started using it.

"Jesus, flip my tables."

(Cue laughter from the actors at my odd statement)

I know, I know.  It sounds really funny.  But it's true, isn't it?!  We're constantly distracted by things that have nothing to do with the purpose God has for us!

(Nods all around)

Lately I've been praying this statement over and over, especially when I'm feeling stolen away by the market place I've allowed to grow in my temple.

(At this point in the discussion, after others had added to the topic with their own thoughts, I asked everyone to share a table in their life that needed to be flipped.  As usual, they took it more seriously than I had expected.) 

FEAR. 

BUSYNESS.

HOPELESSNESS.

DOUBT.

ANGER.

WORRY.

ANXIETY.

SOCIAL MEDIA.

REPUTATION.

PRIDE.

DEPRESSION.

LONELINESS.

ENVY.

And so many more. 

These are the tables in our marketplace.  The distractions from our design.  The wares we buy and sell to convince the world we're ok.  These are the emotions that keep us from the purpose our temples were designed for.

I told the TAGers that one of my teachers in high school used to always do a "table flip" motion with his hands whenever he was jokingly frustrated.  He would place his hands out in front of him, and then "flip" them upward as if he were turning a table upside down.  The TAGers and I laughed about this at first, and then we talked through the idea of making that motion a physical reminder to ourselves whenever we felt our "marketplace" taking over.

Then we prayed. 

We prayed for freedom from our distractions.  We prayed for God to move.  We prayed for flipped tables. 

I still do.

Every single day new tables try to create a marketplace in my temple, and every single day I'm learning to turn them away before they can take over.  It's extremely difficult.  It's a constant battle.  But it's a battle worth fighting.

My temple needs to be cleared of all that distracts from the purpose it was designed for.  The purpose of worship.  Of chasing after my God with holy abandon.  Of trusting in my Savior, and resting in his gentle presence.  The purpose of simply being who he created me to be.

"Jesus, flip my tables."

The simplest prayer, with such important meaning.

"Jesus, flip my tables."

What are some tables in your marketplace?  What has God done in your life to "flip" them?  What was your temple designed for, and what are some ways you can prevent a growing market?

The Real Rebels

Rebel - noun

A person who rises in opposition or armed resistance against an established government or ruler.

Rebellion - noun

The act or process of resisting authority, control, or convention.

Out of all the words in the English language, this one has really been bothering me lately.  I've heard it spoken through different circles...

"It's just the teenage rebellion talking."

"They're in a rebel phase."

"I know they're only doing it for the sake of rebellion."

And it's NEVER in a positive context.  To the people of this world, the word "rebel" almost always belongs next to words like criminal, delinquent, trouble-maker, and more.  We might think of druggies, partiers, thieves...anyone who chooses to live life on the wild and crazy (and sometimes less than legal) side.  They rise up in bold opposition against the status quo.  Whether that's simply through unique hair colors, multitudes of piercings in strange places, tattoos of every shape and kind, or through the more extreme channels, they will find a way to get the word out that they are their own, and they will not be ignored.  Did I hit enough stereotypes?  I tried to nail as many as I could, so how'd I do?  I hope I did well, because I'm about to flip those stereotypes on their heads.

How many times, when you hear the word "rebel," have you thought of the word "Christian?"

Just think about it though.  Of all the above things I mentioned, how many of them have become normalized in our society?  Drugs are being legalized in certain areas of the world.  Alcohol is becoming an adulthood right of passage in families, and underage drinking is just something you do, even supported by some parents.  Stealing happens every single day.  Doing the "wild" thing just means your enjoying your "freedom."  Piercings, tattoos, and crazy hair colors used to be the rebel trademark, but now they're not even that weird.  It's just a style choice.  We've even come to the point where pre-marital physicality is a "necessary step" in finding out if a relationship works (which is a total and utter lie, by the way).

All of these things that people, young or not, are doing just to prove that they don't fit the mold.  That they're different, and aren't held down by the rules and expectations of how things should be.  To all of these people, I have a very important question.

If it's normal, and everyone is doing it, than how is it rebellious?

I'm not, by any means, saying that I support these situations.  In fact, the exact opposite is true.  But honestly, if everyone is taking part in a sinful act, it shouldn't be something you do to boost your "rebel pride".

News flash: By living in the dark and opposing the rules, we are actually doing exactly what society expects of us.  We're not rebels, we're just 2nd rate followers caving to peer pressure.

Breaking the rules is not a new idea.  In fact, people have been breaking the rules for a very long time.  This shouldn't be surprising to any of us.  So then why do we act as though breaking the rules is such a new, genius idea that we just came up with?  

And then we get hit with consequences and we get mad.  Why?  History repeats itself, why weren't we expecting this?

Back on topic though...

If you consider all that I've just said, who are the real rebels?  Most of the rebels that society has labeled are clearly fakes, so who does the title truly belong to?

The real rebels think outside of the box that our culture has laid out for them.  They can't be tamed.  They are unstoppable.  Their authority doesn't come from the government, or the leaders of the world.  They're mold breakers, big dreamers, and the keepers of the only true freedom that exists.  They don't care what the world thinks, nor do they listen to what is said about them.  They walk the narrow path, where very few have gone before them.  Their sort of rebellion often leads to standing alone, but even just one of these rebels on their own is more dangerous than a million of the other, and they have been considered dangerous since the beginning of time.  They're the most unique people you will ever meet, and they often go to great lengths to fight for their cause.  Some have been tortured and killed for their crimes.  Yet they have more joy than most people could ever comprehend.  In fact, these criminals are often the nicest people you'll meet.  They come armed and ready to defend, but not with a gun or a blade.  The armor of these rebels looks very different.

'For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens.'  Ephesians 6:12

'But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;'  Matthew 5:44

'Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.'  Colossians 3:23

Kindness is unique.  Working with heart is rare.  Genuine compassion is dying out.  Choosing life and faith is different.  Responding to hate with love is radical.  Living with joy is becoming unheard of.  And following Jesus with complete abandon?

That's what identifies the Real Rebels...

And that's why I'm striving to be one of them.

Our rebellion is not against man, but against the spiritual forces that tempt and convince man to make dark decisions.  And, even more so, the spiritual forces that spread unending lies, convincing man that dark decisions are actually leading them to the light.  Even though these forces are everywhere, they walk unknown to all but a few.  They are dangerous, and yet are easily accepted on a widespread, global level because of the false freedom they present.

Only those who have rebelled, who have turned from the societal norm of darkness and personally tasted the light, know that these forces exist.  Only these rebels have experienced true freedom, and all the life it brings to each day.  These rebels bow down, not to the world and it's many masters, but to the only true royalty that exists.

One man.  Fully human, fully God.  The original rebel of our kind.  He was hated by authorities.  Despised by religious leaders.  Unlike other "criminals", he was peaceful.  Yet the government leaders arrested him, beat him, and put him to death.  Jesus, killed for his cause.  But even after his heart stopped beating, he continued to resist what was considered normal...

Because, after three days, our leader even rebelled against death.

After this, his followers could not be stopped.  Threatened, they stood even taller.  Tortured, their faith grew bolder.  In prison they still could not be silenced.  And over 2,000 years later, this rebellion still grows.

Most consider freedom the right to indulge, to gain, to go forth without consequence.

We consider freedom the right to abstain, to serve, to remain in the beauty of an ever-growing soul of conviction and kindness.

Most of us do not look like rebels.  We are the quiet observers.  The gentle listeners.  The sacrificial servants.  But inside we are lions.  We are hurricanes, and wildfires that cannot be tamed.  All of us have been broken before, and it's the glory of pure, untainted grace that pushes us forward.  Love is our battle cry, and faith is the ground on which we stand.

We know what it feels like to run, and we will not run any longer, for our God has granted us the strength to stand.  We each have a calling; something that breaks our hearts.  This call guides our steps.  Often we don't even know where we're being lead, but we walk just the same because we know that the only true freedom comes when we deny the world and follow the sound of our leaders voice.  Even when he is silent, we follow still.

We follow because we've seen miracles.  Mountains have moved before our eyes.  Oceans have parted just to give us a path.  Eyes have been opened, and so have hearts.  Battles in which we were outnumbered, and the odds were stacked against us, suddenly come to an end with our enemies fleeing the field.  And all of it can only be explained by one word.  One name.

Jesus.

This isn't to say that we don't still have fears.  Actually, we still have many fears.  But with all of that to live for, and all of the glory we've witnessed, why would we serve any other master?  Especially when our own master is familiar with every part of us, including the very darkest depths of our hearts, and still loves us enough to joyfully claim us as sons and daughters.  Yes, we have fears, but why should we let that keep us from following the only master who gives us the strength and opportunity to conquer them? 

We are the Real Rebels.  The Revolutionaries that aspire to be more than what this fallen world has offered us.  And though we might seem weak, we are stronger than our own ability because our God allows it to be so.  Our ability is not determined by our limitations, but by the very hands that placed each individual star in the sky.  We are considered dangerous because we have seen the truth.  Though we walk in peace, and go forth with only the intention of sharing the love, compassion, and grace that has provided our salvation, we are still considered a poison.  We are despised because we cannot be stopped.  The only one who determines our steps is our God.  We can't be controlled.

And we will not be silenced.

The Creative Soul's Guide To Getting In The Word

If I had to name one of the biggest struggles I've had in my faith journey so far, it would be this one.  The Bible is a beautiful piece of living artwork that God gave us as a connection to him, and in this troubled world, it's one mighty large breath of fresh air.  However, if we're honest, how often do we actually WANT to take advantage of that free oxygen?  I'm a creative-minded being with some ADD and anxiety, which makes it extremely difficult to sit down and focus on the Living Word of God sometimes.  Ok...most of the time.

This year, I wanted that to finally change, but I still didn't know how.

How could I get more interested, and even excited, about something that I've always struggled with?  The answer came to me in the most unexpected of places:

Pinterest.

Apparently there are other creatives out there who have also been looking for a new approach.  And they found it.  A way to see the Bible with new eyes, and fall in love with it in a deep and personal way.  It's called Bible Art, and it's one of the most beautiful forms of worship I've ever experienced.  I've been doing Bible Art for a few months now, and now taking the time to do devotions in the morning is not only an easy choice, it's insanely enjoyable!  God has taught me so much through this brand new approach, and so that's what I'm going to show you today.

Keep in mind, none of these are my actual artwork.  I might post some of my own in a later post, but not today.


- Bible Journaling -

Bible Journaling is the wide-spread title for this style of worship.  It involves creating imagery on a page that helps you better pick apart the portion of scripture that you're studying.  If you're a visual learner like I am, this can be so helpful.  Especially when some scripture is harder to understand.  Once you research that section and grasp some of the meaning, you can create an image to help you remember what you've learned.  The actual act of making the artwork is also extremely therapeutic, and it's a great opportunity to encourage spending more time on devotions than we usually do.





You can also use various techniques to make notes on your page.  There are a lot of different choice artist tools you can use for Bible Art.  My favorite way to Bible Journal is by using a pack of stamp ink pads that I got at a craft store.  Nothing fancy, just the cheap brand.  I spray some water onto a paint brush or a sponge brush with a squirt bottle, dry it off a little bit, and then dab it on the stamp pad.  It creates almost a watercolor type of look on the page, without bleeding through the thin paper like paint does.




- Get Creatively Portable -

I don't have this personally yet, but I found this idea today and I'm seriously thinking about making one.  If there's one thing that makes devotions hard for me, it's that I'm so busy, and sometimes I don't have all the writing utensils I need to bring my Bible with me on the go.  This pouch could be easily made with a regular pencil pouch and a flat headband.  It would make doing devotions in other places so much easier, especially on trips or on vacation.  Not to mention just going to church.  So cool!




- Bible Journaling Notebook -

Worried about not being able to fit all of your notes or artwork in your Bible?  No problem!  Designate a special notebook just for that purpose.  Keep it by your Bible and use it to mark down all your thoughts while you read.  Even better, if you have a special chair or other spot that you usually like to read in, keep a cup of fun markers and colored pens there so that they're ready to go next time you do devotions.

- Washi Tape -

If you decide to start doing Bible Art, Washi Tape will be your best friend (second to Jesus, of course).  It's very adhesive, but easily removable when lifted with care, which is perfect for thin Bible pages!  Plus, it comes in a plethora of different colors and patterns, so finding a tape to fit the personality that God has given you will not be hard, I promise!  It's especially nice for taping memoirs, notes, or separate artwork into your Bible.

Use different patterns and colors to mark the books of the Bible, or other sections that you want to find easily!  In my Bible I used a strip of Washi Tape to mark the separating page between the Old and New Testament, and it worked super well.  

Deck it out!  Washi Tape makes a great background for sticker art, or a boarder if you just want to outline a specific verse.

There are so many different ways Washi Tape can be used for Bible Journaling, so get creative!  It's even a great way to put tabs in your Bible so that you can personalize what they say and where they're placed.  The possibilities are endless!

- For The Less Artistically Inclined  -

If you aren't too comfortable with your free-hand artwork (like myself), there are still lots of ways to spend some time with God through the beauty of creativity.  Firstly, stamps, stencils, and stickers are going to be the way to go for you.  Whether you print off stencils and cut them out, make your own stamps out of household objects, or purchase specific designs for the section of scripture you're on, you'll find plenty of ways to express your artistic side in the pages of your Bible.  If you're still lacking confidence, purchase a second Bible from a thrift store and make it your "test Bible" to make sure what you have planned will turn out well.

You can also spew your art on a separate piece of paper and use some Washi Tape to place it in your Bible.  This is a fantastic option for those of you who are a little freaked out by the idea of only having one chance to get a good look from the design you want to put on the page.

- Just Make It Personal -

The most important thing to remember is the reason you're making this artwork in the first place.  It's not to make your Bible "pretty".  Doing this is to help your creative mind see the Living Word as more peaceful and approachable.  It's to take the stress out of devotions and make it a time to focus on the individuality that God created you with.  I guarantee that if you make that your focus, your Bible will turn out to be pretty anyway, no matter how good (or bad) of an artist you are.  Use it as a chance to really dive deep into discovering who God really is, and the purpose he has for you.  Learn, grow, breathe, and create in the presence of the original creative mind.  He invented the first works of art, so let him use art to teach you all about the good work he's doing in you!

                             

Do you participate in the beauty of Bible Journaling and Bible Art?  I would love to see it!  Send me what you've been working on and what it's been teaching you.  

You can find more ideas for Bible Art by looking it up on Pinterest and Youtube!