My Prayer For Him...

Hello, ladies and gents!

I am totally blown away!  Usually my posts get, on average, about 50-80 views.  Sometimes as low as 30.  You know that last post about the Nice Guys?  276...  You heard me.

TWO HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-SIX.

Guys, that's insane!  Not only that, but my blog has had consistent views every single day, which has never happened before.  Thank you all so much for actually taking an interest in the random ramblings that go through my mind!  I never actually thought that people would read my stuff, but I guess that's how I know God's the one giving me words.  He's so good!

And, since that post obviously hit home with quite a few people, it actually gave me some inspiration. On that note, I'll get to the point of this post so I can explain :)

So, lately I've been writing song lyrics.  I've always liked music, and I have songs going through my head on the daily.  But I've never really written songs before.  Suddenly, over the past few months, I have new songs pop into my head constantly.

It's never a full song.  More like bits and pieces of different lyrics that could possibly fit together.  But still.  I usually jot them down in my journal and, if I have time, sing the tune into the audio recorder on my iPod.

Well, as fate would have it, around a few weeks ago I came to a realization.  I wanted a better way to remember to pray for my future husband, because I had been feeling like I wasn't praying for him enough and didn't know how to change that.  Every time I sat down to pray the words just wouldn't come.  There was so much to cover, and so many other things on my mind.  Usually when this happens I try to find a song with similar lyrics to what I'm trying to pray for, and then I sing.  Adding music helps me concentrate, and I feel more in the moment with God.  That's when my search began, to find a song that I could sing to pray for my hubby.

The only problem was, as many Christian songs as there are about waiting for marriage and "what she wants in a Godly man", I couldn't find a single one that specifically prayed for the guy.  I was surprised to say the least.

So...in the course of two days, I wrote one for myself.

It's the first song I've ever finished all the way through, and I sing it almost every day now.  It constantly directs my heart to pray for that man that God is saving for me.  I'm not sure if I'll ever post a video of me singing this song, because I'm an introvert with anxiety and singing in front of a camera doesn't mix well with those things.  But for now I wanted to at least post the lyrics that God so clearly placed on my heart, just in case other girls needed a simple way to pray as well.  Ok, well, no more stalling...  This is "My Prayer For Him."

There's a name written on my heart

I'm not sure how many letters

Or even where it starts

But, God, there's something that I have to say

Whether I meet him next week

Or I know him today

You see, forever is a long time

And only You can make it right

That's why I wanted to pray

(Chorus)

I pray he stands up in the face of the lions

Trusting you won't let him 

Stand there alone

When the weight of the world's on his shoulders

I pray he rests in your strength

Instead of bearing it all on his own

I pray he never gives up

Gives in to love

And believe even when hope is dim

This is my prayer for him

He won't be perfect, I  know

We've all got heavy burdens

And pasts to let go

So, Lord, give me patience and grace

To love him like you

On the good and bad days

I just need to trust you

Set my heart on what's true

Even when life starts to rain

- Chorus -

This is my prayer for...

(Bridge)

His trials and his heartaches

When life is more than he can take

And when he's facing a closed door

Even when he's close to you

In joyfulness and solitude

Just let him know he's prayed for

- Chorus -

There's a name written on his heart

It's spelled just like mine

Though he has no clue where it starts

Loving me isn't quite so easy

That's why I've come to you

And I'm down on my knees

I'll just keep on serving you

Like I always strive to do

Until two become one out of three

And meanwhile, meanwhile

Maybe he's praying for me

Father, this is my prayer.  Keep his heart and mind filled with your presence.  Help him to fight for purity, live for truth, and stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves.  I pray that his eyes see the good, and that when he finds darkness his first response would be to get on his knees and talk to you.  I pray for a warrior straight out of Ephesians, clothed in your armor, that he would not hesitate before charging into battle by my side.  Give him courage to face the demons, and the determination to overcome them.  Most of all, I pray that you would grow me and mold me into a woman that kind of man would want to pursue.  Help us to see you in each other, and to take every opportunity to give you glory in our triumphs and shortcomings.  All I desire is to love you more every day.  Teach me to love like you.

Amen.

 

Here's To The Nice Guys

 

You've heard it said in various circles...  "Nice guys finish last."  They've told you in order to get the girl you need to have an edge.  Take a walk on the wild side and keep the ladies guessing.  "Face it, girls only like the bad boys," they say.  And at this point you gentlemen are wondering why you even clicked on this blog.

Hang in there.  I'm here to prove those people wrong.

By the way, I should probably mention that, yes, I am a female.  Hi there...hello.  I tend to write a lot of posts geared toward my fellow gal pals, so if you're a dude and it's your first time on my blog, welcome!  This one's especially for you.  And if you've ever related to the "nice guy" label, keep reading.  I have something to say.  But, first, I have some apologies to make on behalf of our generation.

First of all, nice guys, I'm sorry you're so underappreciated.  You treat girls with respect, opening doors and pulling out chairs.  You're the listening ear, and the shoulder to cry on.  You endure the ups and downs of our emotional minds for the sake of friendship.  And instead of getting a thank you note, you get a speech about female empowerment and how we're so independent.  I beg you, be a gentleman anyway.  Listen, some girls just don't get it.  As young women, we've grown up in a society that shoves feminism down our throats.  We're told that we need to be only our own in order to make it in this world.  But, the truth is, we like your kindness.  If a woman doesn't appreciate a gesture of gentlemanly behavior, they aren't the type of woman you want to hang around anyway.  In a culture that tears down every ounce of old fashioned charm and class, please, bring chivalry back!

Second, I'm sorry that the world is so opinionated.  Lies like "boys are only after one thing," and "chivalry is dead" seem to be universally accepted at this point, and it paints a horrible portrait for those men who are actually trying to do what's right.  Because of this, girls approach the opposite sex with unbidden whispers of caution humming through the back of our minds.  Generalizations surround you before you even get the chance to speak.  You're told that having no control over your mind and body is natural, and that you shouldn't even try to change it.  This is the part I'm the most saddened by.  No one should be told that they can't better themselves.  No one should be told they can't find pure, innocent, God-given love.

Third and lastly, I'm sorry you feel like you have to hide who you are.  Guys who show emotion are bullied, and either told they should man up, or they should question their gender identity.  Girls can cry through a book or at a movie theater, even during commercials sometimes, and not be questioned.  If a guy sheds a tear in any situation, they're automatically made to feel like there's something wrong with them.  I'm sorry we've reached a point in our culture that looks at men who express themselves through music, theatre, or dancing, and automatically wonders if they're gay.  I know this is true, because some of the students I've met have been bullied about this in school.  Some of them even started believing it, and it's totally changed their lives.  I'm sorry you're made to feel like depression, anxiety, self-harm, eating disorders, and suicidal thoughts are only things that girls deal with.  It's just not true.  You're not alone.  I promise you, there are plenty of guys who deal with these issues.  I've counseled them before.  The only reason these problems seem more uncommon in the male realm is because all of you are made to feel like you can't talk about it.  It's not right.  Problems are not gender exclusive.

Ok, good.  Glad to get that off of my chest.  Now that the apologies are out in the open, I have some things to tell you.  You ready?


These.  Lies.  Don't.  Define.  You.


There, I said it!  The words that everyone is afraid for you to hear, because they know you'll change the world if you did.

You want the honest truth?  Guys are being used and abused right now like never before.  Do you want an example?  Growing up, the world feeds you exactly what is "normal" for a man to be.  They tell you that you can't control yourself, so why try?  Those lies are why prostitution is one of the top moneymakers in the world, why pornography can be seen pretty much everywhere (even store windows at the mall).  Think about this...

Have you ever considered how strange it is that everyone is told those urges and cravings are normal, and yet the very people defining what's normal happen to be making billions of dollars to satisfy those cravings?  And that's just one example!

So I repeat...

THESE LIES DON'T DEFINE YOU.

Guys, no matter what you do, how you live, the world will always have something to say.  This goes for girls too.  Our lies might sound different, but we're fed just as many lies as you are.  Listen, I believe that the "Nice Guys" are the leaders that God is going to use to set an example for men and women alike.  That means he's going to use you.  That's right, YOU.  The guy who's in the background, who does what's right (often without being noticed), who puts others first and wears his heart on his sleeve.  I don't care what others say.  You are appreciated, you are seen, and you are loved just as you are!  Please, don't sell yourself short and give up on your quest for kindness just because the world tells you kindness is weak.

In the Bible, it is very clear that everyone is created just as they are for a purpose, flaws and all.  Read it through.  You'll find that strength is found in weakness, and selflessness is a source of overflowing joy.  You'll find that some of the most prominent followers of Christ were extremely emotional.  David, a man after God's own heart, was a poet and a musician!  He poured his heart out in beautiful verse.  Moses was a shy guy who didn't even trust himself to speak.  Take a look, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised to find that the lines the world has been feeding you are far from the truth.

So this is my encouragement to you...

Show compassion.  Express yourself.  Be messy, and genuine, and honest.  Live bravely in kindness and purity.  Stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves.  Lead by serving.  Know that it's ok to be weak sometimes.  Follow in God's footsteps, no matter what judgments the world might send your way.  Allow yourself to make mistakes, but be willing to learn from them.  Laugh too hard when you're filled with joy, weep when you feel broken, and pray either way.  Know that it's stronger to lean on God than to stand on your own.

And when it comes to us, the good girls who feel totally outnumbered and alone, know that we exist.  We've been waiting our whole lives for a guy like you to knock on our door, and we'll continue waiting right here until you do.  We don't want you to be anything but absolutely yourself.  We've been praying for you since we first learned to speak, and in those prayers we've asked God to spare you from the lies of our broken culture.

Please, don't give up.  Don't give in.

So, here's to the Nice Guys.  Other people in your life will call you that as an insult, hoping to bring you down to their level and get you to join the bandwagon they all joined long ago.  But, to the right people, especially the right girl, that label will turn into a complement of the highest order.  Wait for her. And while you're waiting, trust in God, love life, and be yourself. Find your purpose and chase after it with every ounce of energy and talent you have. Get creative! And when she's supposed to enter your life, she will love that purpose just as much as you do.

You're loved by God, and there truly are young ladies who are extremely thankful men like you exist. So... Thank you.

Sincerely,

A "Good Girl"

The Real Rebels

Rebel - noun

A person who rises in opposition or armed resistance against an established government or ruler.

Rebellion - noun

The act or process of resisting authority, control, or convention.

Out of all the words in the English language, this one has really been bothering me lately.  I've heard it spoken through different circles...

"It's just the teenage rebellion talking."

"They're in a rebel phase."

"I know they're only doing it for the sake of rebellion."

And it's NEVER in a positive context.  To the people of this world, the word "rebel" almost always belongs next to words like criminal, delinquent, trouble-maker, and more.  We might think of druggies, partiers, thieves...anyone who chooses to live life on the wild and crazy (and sometimes less than legal) side.  They rise up in bold opposition against the status quo.  Whether that's simply through unique hair colors, multitudes of piercings in strange places, tattoos of every shape and kind, or through the more extreme channels, they will find a way to get the word out that they are their own, and they will not be ignored.  Did I hit enough stereotypes?  I tried to nail as many as I could, so how'd I do?  I hope I did well, because I'm about to flip those stereotypes on their heads.

How many times, when you hear the word "rebel," have you thought of the word "Christian?"

Just think about it though.  Of all the above things I mentioned, how many of them have become normalized in our society?  Drugs are being legalized in certain areas of the world.  Alcohol is becoming an adulthood right of passage in families, and underage drinking is just something you do, even supported by some parents.  Stealing happens every single day.  Doing the "wild" thing just means your enjoying your "freedom."  Piercings, tattoos, and crazy hair colors used to be the rebel trademark, but now they're not even that weird.  It's just a style choice.  We've even come to the point where pre-marital physicality is a "necessary step" in finding out if a relationship works (which is a total and utter lie, by the way).

All of these things that people, young or not, are doing just to prove that they don't fit the mold.  That they're different, and aren't held down by the rules and expectations of how things should be.  To all of these people, I have a very important question.

If it's normal, and everyone is doing it, than how is it rebellious?

I'm not, by any means, saying that I support these situations.  In fact, the exact opposite is true.  But honestly, if everyone is taking part in a sinful act, it shouldn't be something you do to boost your "rebel pride".

News flash: By living in the dark and opposing the rules, we are actually doing exactly what society expects of us.  We're not rebels, we're just 2nd rate followers caving to peer pressure.

Breaking the rules is not a new idea.  In fact, people have been breaking the rules for a very long time.  This shouldn't be surprising to any of us.  So then why do we act as though breaking the rules is such a new, genius idea that we just came up with?  

And then we get hit with consequences and we get mad.  Why?  History repeats itself, why weren't we expecting this?

Back on topic though...

If you consider all that I've just said, who are the real rebels?  Most of the rebels that society has labeled are clearly fakes, so who does the title truly belong to?

The real rebels think outside of the box that our culture has laid out for them.  They can't be tamed.  They are unstoppable.  Their authority doesn't come from the government, or the leaders of the world.  They're mold breakers, big dreamers, and the keepers of the only true freedom that exists.  They don't care what the world thinks, nor do they listen to what is said about them.  They walk the narrow path, where very few have gone before them.  Their sort of rebellion often leads to standing alone, but even just one of these rebels on their own is more dangerous than a million of the other, and they have been considered dangerous since the beginning of time.  They're the most unique people you will ever meet, and they often go to great lengths to fight for their cause.  Some have been tortured and killed for their crimes.  Yet they have more joy than most people could ever comprehend.  In fact, these criminals are often the nicest people you'll meet.  They come armed and ready to defend, but not with a gun or a blade.  The armor of these rebels looks very different.

'For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens.'  Ephesians 6:12

'But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;'  Matthew 5:44

'Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.'  Colossians 3:23

Kindness is unique.  Working with heart is rare.  Genuine compassion is dying out.  Choosing life and faith is different.  Responding to hate with love is radical.  Living with joy is becoming unheard of.  And following Jesus with complete abandon?

That's what identifies the Real Rebels...

And that's why I'm striving to be one of them.

Our rebellion is not against man, but against the spiritual forces that tempt and convince man to make dark decisions.  And, even more so, the spiritual forces that spread unending lies, convincing man that dark decisions are actually leading them to the light.  Even though these forces are everywhere, they walk unknown to all but a few.  They are dangerous, and yet are easily accepted on a widespread, global level because of the false freedom they present.

Only those who have rebelled, who have turned from the societal norm of darkness and personally tasted the light, know that these forces exist.  Only these rebels have experienced true freedom, and all the life it brings to each day.  These rebels bow down, not to the world and it's many masters, but to the only true royalty that exists.

One man.  Fully human, fully God.  The original rebel of our kind.  He was hated by authorities.  Despised by religious leaders.  Unlike other "criminals", he was peaceful.  Yet the government leaders arrested him, beat him, and put him to death.  Jesus, killed for his cause.  But even after his heart stopped beating, he continued to resist what was considered normal...

Because, after three days, our leader even rebelled against death.

After this, his followers could not be stopped.  Threatened, they stood even taller.  Tortured, their faith grew bolder.  In prison they still could not be silenced.  And over 2,000 years later, this rebellion still grows.

Most consider freedom the right to indulge, to gain, to go forth without consequence.

We consider freedom the right to abstain, to serve, to remain in the beauty of an ever-growing soul of conviction and kindness.

Most of us do not look like rebels.  We are the quiet observers.  The gentle listeners.  The sacrificial servants.  But inside we are lions.  We are hurricanes, and wildfires that cannot be tamed.  All of us have been broken before, and it's the glory of pure, untainted grace that pushes us forward.  Love is our battle cry, and faith is the ground on which we stand.

We know what it feels like to run, and we will not run any longer, for our God has granted us the strength to stand.  We each have a calling; something that breaks our hearts.  This call guides our steps.  Often we don't even know where we're being lead, but we walk just the same because we know that the only true freedom comes when we deny the world and follow the sound of our leaders voice.  Even when he is silent, we follow still.

We follow because we've seen miracles.  Mountains have moved before our eyes.  Oceans have parted just to give us a path.  Eyes have been opened, and so have hearts.  Battles in which we were outnumbered, and the odds were stacked against us, suddenly come to an end with our enemies fleeing the field.  And all of it can only be explained by one word.  One name.

Jesus.

This isn't to say that we don't still have fears.  Actually, we still have many fears.  But with all of that to live for, and all of the glory we've witnessed, why would we serve any other master?  Especially when our own master is familiar with every part of us, including the very darkest depths of our hearts, and still loves us enough to joyfully claim us as sons and daughters.  Yes, we have fears, but why should we let that keep us from following the only master who gives us the strength and opportunity to conquer them? 

We are the Real Rebels.  The Revolutionaries that aspire to be more than what this fallen world has offered us.  And though we might seem weak, we are stronger than our own ability because our God allows it to be so.  Our ability is not determined by our limitations, but by the very hands that placed each individual star in the sky.  We are considered dangerous because we have seen the truth.  Though we walk in peace, and go forth with only the intention of sharing the love, compassion, and grace that has provided our salvation, we are still considered a poison.  We are despised because we cannot be stopped.  The only one who determines our steps is our God.  We can't be controlled.

And we will not be silenced.

A Single Declaration: My Purity Ring Hiatus

It's time to get real, ladies.  Time to get real on a subject that I'm not really sure I want to talk about, mostly because I'm afraid to.  It's a feeling that we all get now and then, but we let it breeze slowly by unacknowledged.  This is a subject, a feeling, that I didn't even realize I belonged to until this last week.  It's dangerous.  It's a change.  It's a conversation that goes against the status quo of my own life...

It's the spiritual battle going on behind Purity rings.

I have one.  I love that ring.  In fact, it's the second purity ring I've gone through, because I found one for myself when I was younger in a box of old jewelry, and then my parents bought me a new one later on.  I really value that ring, wearing it on my left ring finger like a crown, never taking it off for anything. 

On my right hand, I've almost always worn a Claddagh ring.  For those of you who don't know, this is a traditional Irish ring that has a lot of deep, positive meaning to it.  It symbolizes love, friendship, and loyalty.  And it also reveals your relationship status depending on how you wear it. 

These rings stand for something meaningful, beautiful, and near and dear to my heart.  They always will.  They both hold memories of life, love of my family, love of Christ.  I would never dream of letting them go.

But lately, just like with anything in life, my mind has been corrupting the symbolism of these two rings.

You know, Satan has a funny way of twisting just about everything.  He can take the most pure and beautiful things, and cause them to fade and rust.  He even tried (and failed) to tempt Jesus by using his crafty spinning thread that weaves lies together in the blink of an eye (Matthew 4:1-11).  One moment you're on top of the world.  In the next, once he gets ahold of you, you could be in the depths of despair.  It's all a matter of perspective.

And lately, my perspective has been way off.

The final, eye opening, 180 turn around happened a week ago on one particular morning.  But that was just the end of an ongoing climax, beginning with the stroke of midnight the night before...

Because that night, at midnight, I turned 20 years old.

Most people would have been celebrating at that point.  It's a whole new decade of life!  It means you've left the awkward teenage years behind for good!  You can finally be counted as an actual, non-youth affiliated adult! 

Or, at least, that's what my friends have told me.

I, on the other hand, was up way too late suffering from a ton of anxiety.  I stared at the rings on my hands, how they had been there for so long without much reason or purpose, and I began to wonder... "What's wrong with me?"  There were 20 years of life behind me.  20 years filled with laughter, and light, and being used to do so many crazy fun and exciting things in the name of Christ!  So why was it that I still felt so...empty?

As I looked at my rings, my purity ring began to look more like a ticking clock.  "You better find love fast, before you're left all alone" it said.  My Claddagh ring laughed in agreement, "I've been worn backwards on her finger in the 'single' position ever since she bought me."  Without even knowing it, I automatically felt that those voices were right.  I knew that Satan had planted them there.  I knew that without a doubt.  But the circumstances causing my pain managed to get me listening anyway. 

In a conversation with a friend this week she mentioned how looking at a purity ring was sometimes depressing because all we were really wishing was that there was an engagement ring on our finger instead.  Even though I had never really been bold enough to say so, I had definitely thought that before.  I just hadn't known that other girls could relate to that feeling, so I'd kept my mouth shut.

Now, several of my friends have started dating amazing people, and it's not so bad.  In fact, it's been fun and exciting to see them grow in these relationships!  I love talking to them about it and watching their faces get that "look".  It's my favorite look in the whole world.  That involuntary smile that ladies and gents get in their eyes when they talk about the one they love.  It's like they can't even stop themselves from grinning like crazy.  It's the best, and it makes my heart so joyful!  Plus, I get the chance to learn about the right (and sometimes wrong) ways to handle relationships just by talking to them, which is nice.

The hard part, however, is when a friend of the opposite gender that you really like, or used to like, begins dating someone without even giving you a second thought.  Yep, that has happened to me.  It's happened a few different times, actually. 

Ouch.

And at that moment, at midnight on my 20th birthday, I managed to convince myself that I was absolutely worthless.

I ended up staying awake until 1am just thinking about things I could change about myself.  Not physical things, but things of the heart.  Am I loving enough?  Am I giving enough?  Am I strong enough?  Am I doing enough?

Will I ever just be enough?

I know this whole thing sounds like one huge heap of melodrama, but I'm serious, these thoughts had me close to tears.  It took me forever just to get my mind back on track so I could sleep.  I prayed, I wrote, I listened to songs of love from my Savior, and after all of that I was finally pieced back together enough to fall asleep.  But not until God snapped me out of it by saying...

"Hey, you!  Yes, you with the worry lines in your forehead.  The one trying to convince yourself that you aren't good enough.  Do you really want to throw away and completely trash how I lovingly designed you in my image, when you could actually spend your life based on the freedom to just be instead?"

I know, right?  It's like he read my previous blog post or something.  I guess I must struggle with being a hypocrite too, then, huh?

Even with that reassurance, though, I was still shaken.

It wasn't until the incredible message at church the next morning that my ridiculous behavior was truly pointed out to me.  The message was on giving thanks in every circumstance, but, good gosh, it spoke so much more than that.  I was totally moved when, as all my insecurities about being single, and forgotten, and unnoticed seemed to be drowning me, I heard this statement...

"We don't know love unless we first know that He loves us."

That alone made me want to burst into tears.  But then it was followed up by an even deeper statement of conviction...

"Every circumstance in your life has been so designed as to bring you to the full appreciation of his love for you."

Every circumstance?  Every broken heart?  Every sleepless night wondering if I measure up?  Every messed up friendship, all my shattered confidence, every guy I've loved who never looked my way...all for the sole purpose of realizing that...

...I am loved?

I've heard several times throughout my life that the One True God is a jealous god.  He doesn't just want to be one lover of my soul.  He wants to be THE ONLY lover of my soul.  Anyone in this world can love my heart.  Anyone can love my appearance.  But only God, the one who paid the ultimate price in order to protect what He held sacred, has what it takes to be the truly unconditional lover of my soul.

Knowing that, how could I have possibly been feeling unwanted?  It was insane.  Was I really that big-headed that I thought I could earn what he gave to me for free?  He knows everything I have done, and ever will do, and he still deemed me a daughter of the King.  Not begrudgingly either.  Oh no!  He didn't say "eh, this one's alright, I might as well just accept that she is who she is."  When God invited me into his cherished family, he said "Aly, my dear creation, you are my joy and my delight!  I have so much love for you, my dear child, and I desire for you to walk with me, even as I walk with you."

And that, my friends, is why I've decided that I will no longer be wearing my rings.  Not any time in the near future, anyway.  Are you having some trouble seeing where that connects?  Yeah, it's understandable.  I'll lay it out for you.

I was using those rings incorrectly in two major ways. 

First of all, my purity ring was a huge source of pride.  I was taking something that was supposed to be humbling, and making it into something that set me apart and made me "better" somehow.  I was beginning to look down on people who didn't wear a purity ring.  I might not have known I was doing it, but I was.  It was destructive, and I didn't realize just how destructive until that day.

Second, these rings were becoming a symbol of my own control over my life, and not God's.  That might not make sense to some of you, but I promise it does.  Both of those rings were supposed to be a sign that I was fully devoted to a beautiful love story with my Heavenly Father.  Instead, I was using them to say that "I'm not in a relationship or married yet, but I know I will be.  And when I do, I want to do it right."  The "doing it right" part isn't so bad.  But, seriously, where in the Bible has it ever said that every single girl will get married?  Where does it say that every guy will find a wife? 

Yeah, I couldn't find that anywhere either.  Check out this post from Tovares Grey:

So why am I wearing rings every day of my life as a symbol for something that maybe won't even happen at all?

Honestly, when did I start caring more about finding a spouse than I did about following God's plan for my life?  It's like I've been blindsided to a ball and chain inside myself that I hadn't even known was there.  And now I'm free. 

I removed my rings, and with that physical sign of surrender, God removed my burden.

Now, I'm NOT saying that you shouldn't wear your own purity ring.  Those rings are an amazing symbol of a promise that God made to us, and us to him.  It's a promise of love between us and our Savior, and it's good, and holy.  There's no reason to feel bad about wearing one. 

The only reason I removed my rings is because my own idea of them was beginning to negatively impact my personal relationship with God.  And by depriving myself of those rings, I'm hoping I'll be able to deprive myself of the toxic pride and control that I began.

Also, PLEASE don't think I'm going to just throw my purity away.  Marriage, dating, a pure and beautiful relationship, are all still a desire in my life.  Part of that 'keeping God first' promise is to remain sexually pure until that time when and if I get married someday.  I'm 20 years old, still first-kiss free, and I'm planning on remaining first-kiss free unless and until God sends me some husband material.  None of that has changed.

What's changed is how I'm going to live my life from here.  I'm going to chase after God with everything in me.  I wasn't able to do that before, and I didn't know why.  What I've realized now is that I had been holding myself back, planning for a future that might not even be mine.  Now I see my mistake.

The only future that is truly guaranteed is the future I have in Christ, and even though I haven't seen it yet, I already know it's better than any other future I could ask for.

What's holding you back from following God's true purpose for you? 

A Penny For Your Heart (Is Worth More Than You Think)

Last week my family discovered a brand new hobby.  We sat down in the living room, all of us holding some sort of internet device, and gathered whatever spare change we could find in our house.  There were pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters EVERYWHERE.  All six of us were surrounded by the hundreds of coins that were scattered around the floor, and we spent at least three hours examining them and looking up their rarity on our various devices.  It was a blast!  And we learned something really amazing too!

Did you know that everyday some of the coins that pass through our fingers might be worth tens, hundreds, or even thousands of dollars, and we don't even realize it?

For example, the 1969-S Double Die Penny, a penny where some of the coins made in that year were misprinted and have double lettering, is one of the rarest pennies in existence.  One of these special pennies can be sold to collectors for around $20,000 or more!

Who knew that something so small, so old, and with such a tiny daily value could be so important and rare?  And to think, all of that worth is simply because this penny was different and imperfect.  I don't know about you, but I would sure like to be seen as valuable despite all of my imperfections.  And the cool thing is, with each year the 1969-S Double Die Penny grows a little bit older, a little more rare, and therefore, gets even more valuable on the market.  Crazy, right?

Anyway, these are the things I was mulling over yesterday, when God made an odd connection in my head.

I suddenly thought, "What if the value of a heart was measured in the same way as the value of a rare coin?"

Honestly, think about it.  Imagine if the human heart was one of these pennies.  When we enter this world we are totally unique.  Unused, unbroken, full of life.  Our brand new hearts, totally enveloped in Christ, start out pretty valuable on their own.  We haven't known heartbreak, haven't given ourselves to anyone but God, and carry a beautiful innocence.  Then we hit the teenage years, and life throws us for a new loop: Hormones.  This is when things get particularly complicated.  But if our heart's value was decided like a penny, that complicated nature might not be the case anymore...

What if there were several factors attached to the heart that could increase or decrease its rarity?  For a penny, its good condition and appearance will raise or lower its worth depending on the year.  What's inside matters too, since some pennies have a purer metal content than others.

What if that was the same for us?  What if we started out with several gifts that God has given us to save and take care of?  Gifts of physical and emotional affection?  These are gifts such as thinking nonstop about a person we love, holding hands, a kiss, and any sort of sexual activity.  But, of course, there would be a catch...

What if each of these gifts had a value of their own, and each time we used them they became less rare, and therefore, less valuable to the person who's eventually going to receive them?

If this was true, would I still be so eager to give in to the butterflies caused by romantic hand holding?  Would refraining from a kiss still be a struggle?  Would sex and physicality still be normal in our culture, or would it be a treasured gift to be reserved for someone who knows its true value?

This idea caught me totally by surprise, and to be honest, it made me sad.  If doing these things really did bring down our value, then where would I stand on the market?  I've never kissed or beyond, but I have broken boundaries of affection that I knew I shouldn't have.  Boundaries that I set in the first place!  I've struggled with thinking about a guy more often than I think about God.  I've emotionally invested into a few different relationships that I knew weren't good for me.

So, if my heart's value was based on it's rarity, would it be the 1969-S Double Die, or just an average everyday penny?

To be totally honest, I didn't like my results.

Even if you haven't done anything more than just thinking impurely, everyone has made mistakes in this department.  So does that mean everyone has decreased value?  And what did this mean for those who have given everything away, or who have been enslaved to the sex trade and don't have a choice?  Surely, that couldn't mean that their value is totally spent, and that they aren't rare beauties anymore.  Why would God show me all of this if that were true?

As usual, God had a purpose for this thought process, and he wasn't finished with the penny analogy either.

Because, just like a rare penny, each year we commit to honoring God with our whole hearts, our value increases.  

You know what that means, right?

It means that, no matter how much you've given of yourself in the past, it's never too late to bounce back.  As soon as you give that past to God and begin a new journey of purity, your heart will instantly have its original value.  Then you can start rebuilding your reputation for rarity (and increase the value of your heart)!  It's as if none of the past lust, regret, and heartbreak had ever existed!  How fantastic is that?  My heart soared at the thought, and I was so gloriously blessed by the undying grace of the King.  I've tried my best not to make mistakes, but they still happen.

The difference this idea made for me is that I don't have to view myself, or anyone else for that matter, as a poor broken heart anymore.  Instead we are beloved!  Forgiven!  We are children of the King, and we've been washed clean!

But be warned... To some people you'll still be seen as nothing more than an old, used heart.  When that happens, just remember:

Even the rarest penny appears average to those who don't know what to look for.

The right person will value the change in you (no pun intended), will notice the signs of your rare heart, and will treasure you because of it.  And someday, when you say "I do" with that one you've saved your heart for, the rare nature of your relationship will be evident to everyone that witnesses it, and they'll wonder what's different.  You'll be able to celebrate pure, white as snow passion, and you'll celebrate it together.  What a beautiful depiction of mercy!

I don't know about you, but starting now I want to work toward my heart becoming as rare as it can be.  I'm talkin 1969-S Double Die rare!  It's going to take acceptance of my past, repentance in the present, and some work and resistance in the future.  But in the long run I believe it'll be worth it, especially if God introduces a fellow rare heart into my life that desires that same purity.

Well, I hope this random little thought process was helpful to someone today.  I'm a creative person by default, so having an illustration like this one really helped me understand things a little better.  I know it definitely gave me some proper perspective.  Have a blessed week!

P.S. My first book signing is this Saturday (August 8th, 2015) at the Hastings Way Caribou Coffee in Eau Claire!  Come by and see me from 1-3pm!  Thanks!