Dear Men of God... 5 Things You Should Know

Now, before you feel the need to defend yourselves, I promise the purpose of this post is NOT to condemn and/or judge you. In fact, it's quite the opposite. The purpose of this post is appreciation and encouragement. So, if that sounds like something you've been needing, stick around! I'm going to dive right into it, in the blogger-typical numbered fashion. Here we go...


1. You're You For A Reason

The era we live in has made it harder than ever for men to just be themselves. Specifically men interested in the arts. More times than not, a passion for music, dance, theatre, or other creative endeavors will get you a one way ticket to a multitude of questions, usually about your gender identity. This can even lead to bullying. I'm a theatre director, so I've operated in the arts long enough to see it take place first hand. I think this trend goes all the way back to a very unfortunate lie that states men can't be emotional.

Who started that anyway? Since when does sentiment and having feelings make you less of a man? As a female, I'm here to tell you something very important: Emotions are not gender exclusive. Let me repeat that... EMOTIONS ARE NOT GENDER EXCLUSIVE. Think of King David in the Bible. God made him a musician and an incredible poet, but he was also a military leader and a mighty warrior. He felt things deeply, and it only aided him as a king and commander, because it gave him empathy towards his people. Being an artist, or being in touch with your emotional side, does not make you weak. The opposite is true. So if God has given you a spirit of deep sensitivity and passion, revel in it. He made you that way for a purpose, and he's going to use that part of you for amazing things.

(Also, guys with an emotional side are typically the ones we ladies find very attractive. Just sayin'.)


2. Women Who Desire The Biblical Model Of Marriage Do Exist

This point goes out to the single pringles. I know, I know, I'm "so old school" and I need to "get with the times." That's what most women would say to me anyway, and here's why...

I am one of those rare females who still believes that men are supposed to be the leaders of their household. Yep, did you hear that? That was the sound of a thousand feminists fainting at the very thought. But it's true! Just like the trinity is three in one, and each part has it's own purpose, so goes with marriage. I believe that it's possible for husband and wife to be a team, working together, while still having their own individual parts to play as outlined in scripture.

In our current generation, I know it seems like finding other men and women who want to follow this model is impossible. But we're out there. We exist, I promise. And, just like you, we're praying for a beautiful, God-honoring love story like that of Ruth and Boaz (Ruth 2:1-4:17), Moses and Zipporah (Exodus 2:15-22), Mary and Joseph (Luke 1:26-56, 2:1-7, Matthew 1:18-2:23), and Isaac and Rebekah (Genesis 24:1-67). Be patient and don't give up hope.


3. Masculinity Is Not Toxic. Humanity Is.

Again, this is probably the opposite of what you're used to hearing. Our generation has done men a great disservice, and I'm not afraid to say so. I've seen the resulting frustration in my own household, as it leaves my brothers, who are the sweetest men alive, feeling downtrodden and stepped on. Women have presently decided to blame the entire male gender for the crimes of the few, and it sickens me for both sides. I ache for the women who were hurt so badly that they felt the need to take it out on everyone around them. And I ache for the men who are now harassed and yelled at for being chivalrous. Everything is backwards.

Call me crazy, but I am a woman who is overjoyed when a man opens the door for me, helps me put on my coat, and pays for dinner. Show me some of that classic gentlemanly charm, and I'm sold! I'm also a lady who greatly appreciates men leading the relationship. I will fall head over heals for a man who pursues my heart with prayer and planning. The majority of my female friends agree! Boys who confuse and play games might be alright for some. But the right woman will appreciate your intentionality.

We live in a fallen world, which means those who seek God's direction are going to be constantly tried and tested. But take heart. You're not alone.


4. Mental Illness Isn't A "Female Problem"

This is a societal belief that hides in the shadows and goes unspoken. It goes hand in hand with the assumption that men can't or shouldn't be emotional, and this point aggravates me more than all the others.

I work in youth ministry, and if I had a dime for every teenage boy who shared their mental health struggles with our leadership team - expressing that they've never been able to share this information with their friends or family members before - I would have a lot of dimes. What's even worse is when they DO share these struggles with their friends and family members, but are told to "push through it," "man up," "don't give in to weakness," and "stop being dramatic." I'm sorry, but neglecting another person's emotions, especially with dangerous struggles like self-harm and suicidal thoughts, is unacceptable. If someone in your life has treated you this way, I want to offer my sincerest, deepest apologies on their behalf. Mental illnesses, just like emotions, are not gender exclusive.

You're not broken. You're not "less Christian" because you struggle with anxiety, depression, anorexia (because boys can have eating disorders too), etc... You're not weak. In fact, you're stronger than most because you have more to fight through everyday. You're not less of a man for dealing with this. It's okay to need space to breathe. It's okay to feel hurt. It's okay to get frustrated. Just don't stay there. If I've learned anything from my years in ministry it's that, first, everyone has problems, and second, people are going to find a way to judge and demean you no matter what that problem is. Don't let them. Work towards seeking help. Talk to a therapist or your pastor or both (both is good). Surround yourself with healthy people who will aid the problem instead of make it worse. Accept that the issue exists, and then don't let it win.

My favorite quote recently is by Eleanor Roosevelt, and it says, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." You don't have to let them hurt you. That's up to you. You're a man of God either way, and you have a choice, so choose wisely.


5. You Are Loved Abundantly

The most crucial point of all... You are loved abundantly by the perfect Creator who made you. When he put you on this earth, he designed you exactly as intended, not a hair or cell misplaced. It doesn't feel like it all the time, I know. You look in the mirror or lay awake at night, and you hate yourself sometimes. You might even wish you were someone else.

Don't.

Because while your time is devoted to self-loathing, there's a very big God who's thoughts for you outnumber the grains of sand (Psalm 139). He will never leave you or forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6), he will strengthen you and help you (Isaiah 41:10), and if God is for you, who can be against you (Romans 8:31)?

There is more power, grace, and compassion on your side than you realize. Dwell in it and soak it in. Allow it to fill you up.


There's probably a lot more I could write, but these are the main points I wanted to send your way. I hope you found them encouraging! Don't let the world define who you are. That's God's job, and he does it perfectly! God bless!

Your sister in Christ,

- Aly

20 Songs For My Journey So Far (Or, The "It's Not Actually About Me" Playlist)

We all know that music speaks in ways that normal words most of the time just can't.  That definitely holds true in my life.  And even though I don't write or play music, I do relate to it.  These are 20 songs that have helped me feel understood; helped me feel that I'm not alone in my life.  Listen to them if you want.  And who knows, maybe you'll find they help you feel the same way.  So, in no particular order...

1. Second Guess Girl by Sara Groves

This song needs no explanation.  It's just so perfect at describing what it feels like when you're forced to make a hard decision, and when you're still figuring out who you are.  It's a transition position that I've been in quite often lately, so I really appreciate her transparent honesty here.

2. Breathe by Jonny Diaz

The first time I heard this, I was in a heap of chaos and insanity on my way to a meeting after a day of feeling like a crazy person.  My mind was on everything but God, and I had no intention of sitting to just "Breathe"...  Then Jonny Diaz came on the radio, and I cried.  Now it's my theme song.

3. Choose To Love by Francesca Battistelli

Oh, how Francesca Battistelli always manages to pin point exactly what I'm going through.  Choosing to love is one of my greatest daily struggles.  Opening up to love requires trust, and my trust has been broken enough times for this to be extremely difficult for me.  I've been choosing to love more and more often lately, and this song is a large part of the reason.

4. How I Ended Up Here by Jason Gray

Once again, wow... I have never heard a song with more honesty and accuracy to my life situation than this one right here.  As an introvert, it is so tempting to just hide away and never share life with anyone.  After listening to this 8 or 9 times the first time I heard it, though, I realized exactly how destructive pushing people away can be.

5. Revolutionaries by Bethany Dillon

Straying from what's considered "the norm" is the center of all the hardest things I've had to do in my life so far.  Jumping on the bandwagon and taking the easy road is always a temptation, but it's SO much more worth it to take the harder path!  Life has taught me this time and again already, ever since I decided to be a Revolutionary.

6. Whole by Jessa Anderson

The line that caught my attention here is "If death was beginning instead of end, than who I am now was determined then."  The fact that my life was determined and guaranteed because of the death of Christ is just crazy!  Because of his sacrifice, I don't ever have to worry about feeling "Whole".  Because, with Jesus, I already am.

7. Brave by Moriah Peters

I'm not exactly the bravest person.  In fact, I'm quite the opposite in most situations.  Because of this I decided to make my New Years resolution for 2015 a challenge to "Live Bravely" and, holy cow, a challenge it has been.  This song came out pretty close to the same time that promise was made, and it instantly became my battle cry for the year, encouraging me to take leaps that I've never taken before.

8. Can't Live Without You by Owl City

I love that Adam Young takes a style of music that is mostly popular in secular circles, and transforms it by creating Christian lyrics and stories to go along with it.  Because he goes through a lot of anxiety just like I do, I relate to his music a ton.  It always reminds me that I'm never alone.

9. Press On by Building 429 (Feat. Blanca Callahan)

The truth in this song speaks volumes.  Just the fact that I am a mess, and yet God calls me his own and created my every flaw with a meaning.  It's more than I could ever ask for, and it allows me to "Press On" in a way that I could never accomplish without Him.  Life goes on, but He's all I need.

10. Losing by Tenth Avenue North

Being different has been my way of life since I was very, very young.  Most Christians can relate to that fact.  Because of this, I definitely know what pain feels like.  Rejection and brokenness are a common theme in my story, but God has always been there to pick up the pieces.  Forgiveness is definitely a struggle, but it's a struggle worth having.

11. Awake My Love by I Am They

Even in the times when I'm hurting, and wonder what God is up to, He always finds a way to send me something to smile about.  God is the noble treasurer of my heart, the intimate lover of my soul, and he "Awakes My Love" in new and wonderful ways every single day.  I love Him with everything in me.

12. 3:42 A.M. (Writer's Block) by MercyMe

Being a writer, it's always challenging on those nights when the words just won't come like I want them to.  What I've discovered, though, is that those nights are usually a sign that I need to lay my novel and my characters at the feet of God, and allow him to make up what I lack.  The stories He writes are 100% better than the ones I come up with on my own.  If the idea is mine, it's a waste of time!  This song greatly helps to remind me of that.

13. The Waiting by Jamie Grace

Patience... Waiting... Oh, my greatest enemy.  I struggle with this so much.  But each time I choose to wait instead of going forward on my own, I learn something new, and it ends up being worth the wait.  If I rush into things, disaster strikes.  So why is it I continue to make the same hasty mistakes?

14. Beyond Me by tobyMac

I've had the opportunity to do so many amazing and unique things in my life, and it's incredible to even think about!  But whenever people ask how I do what I do, I can only tell them that I don't.  God is the source of every accomplishment.  All of the greatest things I've ever done were not my doing, and they were all definitely WAY "Beyond Me."

15. Want To Be Real by Chris August

Some days I get so unbelievably frustrated with the false nature of the world.  I remember back when I was going through some of my particularly difficult days, I would listen to this song over and over and pray that I didn't become fake; that I would grow into a genuine and authentic lover of Christ.  I wanted to simply be real, and that's still my prayer.

16. Ready Or Not by Britt Nicole (Feat. Lecrae)

Sometimes it is so much easier to simply take the background spot and leave the leadership position to someone else.  However, that's not God's plan for us.  As soon as we devote our lives to him, we make a promise to stand out for his name.  We may be ridiculed for living out loud in that way, but it suddenly becomes a part of our nature to shine.  We can't hide it! 

17. I Refuse by Josh Wilson

This song is wonderful in so many ways.  I relate to it so much.  There was a time in my life where I had no clue what I was supposed to do in this life, and I was tempted to just sit back and not do anything.  Then I discovered what my purpose was, and suddenly I couldn't stand still!  It's like a flame took me over, and that flame still burns to this day!

18. Keep Making Me by Sidewalk Prophets

Even in the hardest times of my life, God was at work.  Winning or losing, love and hate, joy or pain, no matter what the circumstance God is always working.  He's been making me since before I was even born, and He'll be making me until the day I breathe my last.  That's just how good He is.

19. I'm Not Who I Was by Brandon Heath

This song pulled me through every single one of those broken friendships and rejection situations.  When a best friend betrays your trust, it's hard to bounce back.  When multiple friends betray your trust at separate times, it seems nearly impossible.  Listening to Brandon's words here reminded me that forgiveness was more important than anything, and that God would bring positive change through the pain.  I am truly "Not Who I Was", and this song is my letter of grace to those friends.

20. My Story by Big Daddy Weave

This song is self explanatory, and completely truthful!  I hope you enjoyed this journey through my history, and the music that guided me through it.  God uses people and art to impact us in amazing ways, and it happens everyday.  May your day be blessed with music and the glorious love of Christ!

To listen to this playlist on Spotify, click here.

Maturity: A Tinted Lens

One of my earliest memories that I can grasp from my childhood is from the preschool I went to as a kid.  I was around three or four years old, I had long hair that was so blonde it turned white in the summertime, and my favorite part of school was when we got to learn about the letter of the day and the animals that accompanied that letter.  The rest of it is pretty blurry, unfortunately.  But there's one specific image from my preschool career that seems to resurface every once in awhile.

I don't know if I did this everyday, or just once a week.  But I remember looking out of our classroom door during snack time, where we had a perfect view of the gym from our table, and waiting.  I waited, and waited, and watched, and then it would happen.  Everyday, a different kid from one of the older grades (I never learned which, but I assume 5th or 6th grade) would come marching through the gym with confidence and would drop a slip off at the cafeteria.  I'm sure this was totally normal to the student, dropping off a slip of paper, but to me it appeared a great honor.  I remember thinking they looked so grown up and confident.  I was especially in awe at the fact that they were allowed to walk down the hall all the way to the gym by themselves.  How scary that seemed to me at the time.  They must have had such bravery, especially considering how large and ominously boring the older age classrooms had been compared to the welcoming brightness of my little classroom.  As a child, I often wondered if I would ever be that big.

I didn't know the word for it at the time, but that was my very first experience with the concept of maturity.

Later on, when I actually got to middle school, the tables had definitely turned.  From belch competitions between the guys, to totally unimportant "life or death" friendship drama amongst the girls, to parent related defiance that was most definitely uncalled for.  I remember thinking about little elementary school me and feeling silly about the fact that I had ever even looked up to this age group.  With each day I thought more like what's the big whoop?  Middle schoolers aren't that mature at all.  But HIGH SCHOOL... Now they're the real big whigs.  High schoolers knew so much more about themselves.  They had more friends, more opportunities, their own cars, and were so close to adulthood they could probably feel the importance surging just by entering freshman year!

Wrong again.

High school was definitely a time to grow and learn more about myself, but it was still everything but my idea of mature.  At every turn there were teenagers telling inappropriate jokes, guys challenging each other to eat things that would probably end in injury (hot peppers are a no-no, in case you were wondering), and the insecurity that comes with being exposed to extreme amounts of pressure from adults and teens alike.  My days admiring those kids who walked to the cafeteria were long gone at this point, but I was still at a dead-end road on my search for maturity.  Maybe college kids have the secret.  They seem to know a lot of what's going on, right?

But unfortunately, even after graduation I wasn't any closer to finding someone with maturity worthy of my undying admiration.  Only recently have I really understood why my trail ran cold, without a trace of treasure to be found.  What I did find can be summarized in this simple sentence...

Maturity is in the eye of the beholder.

In a couple of my earlier posts I've talked a lot about my insecurity, and how most of it sprouted from me putting myself down.  Most girls compare their hair, bodies, or fashion choices, and base their own personal worth off of that.  I was doing the same thing with maturity and intelligence.  What I didn't know was that this could be just as devastating.

Imagine with me for a minute...

Do you remember on National Treasure, the first one when they steal the Declaration of Independence, the scene where they find those cool glasses that were supposedly invented by Benjamin Franklin?  I've always been jealous of those glasses, the way they could switch colors, decode, and make things appear that weren't visible to the human eye.  That would be super cool, wouldn't it?  Unfortunately, it's a movie, so those cool Ben Franklin glasses don't actually exist.  Sad right?

Not so fast.

We may not have a physical pair of glasses, but we do have the mental pair.  They're even tinted, clear, red, blue, green, and switch back and forth just like the real deal.  But instead of hidden secret messages, these mental glasses determine our perspective.  They help us get our view and decide how we feel about the people, places, and situations around us.  Some of these lenses are helpful, like the Optimistic lens, or the lens of Forgiveness.  Others hinder us, like the lenses of Jealousy and Fear.  The most common, however, is the lens that has an impact on all the others...

The lens of Insecurity.

Our lenses are important to remember because they determine how we view maturity, and who we allow ourselves to admire.  Unfortunately, since insecurity is so common, most of us see maturity through a tinted lens.  We mistake security for maturity, even though they can be two completely different things.  Here's a look at my personal perspective...

Someone who's insecure will try to be someone they're not in order to gain security.

Someone who's mature doesn't need security, because they're already comfortable in their own skin.

See what I'm getting at?  We keep looking for that all incredible age range, job title, or status to look up to for a feeling of maturity, and are constantly let down.  That's because the only place to find true maturity is in a person who is totally content with who God made them to be.  And more importantly, in God himself.

If someone respects you above themselves, and God above all else, you can bet that they have found comfort in their own skin.

Still wondering where you can find maturity?  Get rid of the tinted lenses.  Decide once and for all to be yourself, to honor God above all else, and to see everyone through the same eyes.  Find others who respect who they were created to be and respect you on the same level.  Believe me, they're out there, and once you're comfortable in your own skin you'll begin seeing them all over the place.

This is a lesson I took a long time to learn, and I've wasted a lot of time looking for maturity that wasn't there.  I hope that you choose to turn your eyes elsewhere, and allow God to show you what real, true maturity looks like.  After all, he's the only one who knows.

Have something to share?  Have you experienced a maturity transition like this?  Let me know in the comment section!