The Weight of the World

(Warning, there's a lot of reality below)

I'm not sure why I'm blogging today, or what I'll even write about...

Lately I can't help feeling like my home is falling apart.  I'm falling apart with it.  I keep reading quote after quote about trusting God, and I desperately want to.  But with each passing day I find that my faith isn't as strong as I wanted it to be.  Reading my Bible gets harder and harder.  I'm journaling more and more.  I'm annoyed with sunshine, and only seem to find comfort when it's raining, like today.  On the upside, my prayer life has never been so active.  Although most of it is just me asking why things aren't changing.

Songs like "Silhouette" by Owl City have become my go-to music of choice.  I know everything I'm going through is happening for a reason, but that reason is clouded in many shadows.  I know the more depressed and upset I allow myself to get, the more satan gets the upper hand.  But I don't know how to change it.  I'm in the center of a tornado.  I myself am doing alright, but everything around me is chaos.  And all I can think to do is write, sleep, and whisper to God for comfort, not necessarily in that order.

I know that this is all happening because my family is heavily involved in ministry.  As soon as we started this new project, I knew we were all in for (to replace a more accurate word that I would rather not use) one heck of a trip.  I just had no clue how bad it would actually get.  All around me walls are falling to the ground; walls that have taken lifetimes to build.  It's shattering me.

What's worse is everyone else involved in this project is experiencing the same thing.  Everyday I find out about another life that's falling to pieces.  Another world that shifting on it's axis, causing earthquakes all around.  Another change that's just too much to take.

We're worn.  We're damaged.  We're barely walking.

And yet God is relying on us to bear the weight of this story?  This stream of events and problems that are way beyond our understanding?  Or... at least they used to be.

Wow...

Maybe that's it.  In this film, this movie we're destroying ourselves to create, we cover a multitude of teenage problems.  Anxiety, depression, divorcing parents, self-harm, suicide, bullying, death and loss, addiction, pornography, and more.

Every single one of these topics has been experienced by our cast and crew over the past two months.  These are the very topics that are tearing us to shreds.  The tools and temptations that the devil has been using to turn our souls.  And here we are.

Talk about accurate portrayal.

We relate to these characters more than we realize, I think.  In this process, these characters have been our traveling companions.  And these characters will end up discovering what we have just been learning ourselves...

We cannot rely on ourselves to heal.

We can't even rely on each other.

The only One we can rely on to remove our tinted goggles, and reveal the true view of grace and love beyond, is the only One who's capable of doing it in the first place.

God.

In the past we've had other awful roads in order to reach positive results.  Some of the greatest points of impact this group has ever made were the projects that we "just wanted to get through."  Why would God allow this movie to be any different?  If the journey didn't carry so much pain, would we come out as close as our cast and crew have become?  Isn't it worth it when God is a god who can give our struggles purpose?

And maybe, just maybe, when people leave the theater after seeing this film, they'll come up to us and say we made a difference.  And if that happens maybe we'll be able to say, with tears of joy and humble hearts, that nothing in that film was of our own ability.  We'll listen to their stories of pain and brokenness, and actually be able to relate.  We'll introduce them to the real director of this film, and weep together as they get to know who Jesus is.  And maybe, for those who open up to us, they'll find that their night at the movies turned out to feel a lot more like church.  And maybe they'll walk to their cars with a weightlessness they've never experienced before.

And maybe, because of our struggles, they'll leave the theater that day bound for Heaven.

Isn't that why we're in this world in the first place?

Or have I forgotten that life isn't about me...

Maybe those walls that have been falling all around me are coming to ruin so that God can plant a garden in its place...


Father, I'm sorry.  I'm so, so sorry.  When will I ever learn that Your plan is so much bigger than me?  When will I stop pretending that my very small knowledge, my three feet of spiritually nearsighted vision, is all that there is?  If You're an ocean, I'm a single drop of rain.  If You're the sky and the stars, I'm a feeble paper kite, trying my best to reach you but failing all the time.  If You're soaked into the depths of the earth, I am a blade of grass growing in your love, here today and gone tomorrow.  If You make up everything, I'm nothing at all.

But that's why you sent your Son to die on the cross.  I don't have to be nothing anymore.  You gave up Your everything so I could have a chance to be a little bit of something.

Knowing that, how could I possibly look at life with anything but wonder and awe?

You see my brokenness.  You see me when I'm invisible.  You always have.  You tell me it's ok to feel the way I do, but that I shouldn't worry.  You will never leave me or forsake me.

And the same goes for everyone else.

Omnipresent, eternally loving, unconditionally forgiving, Giver of life and light, Abba, Friend, Lover of my soul.  I have no reason to be afraid when you walk beside me.  So why do I tremble?

This film has been personally commissioned by the Creator of the universe.  Lord, You hold each scene, each crew and cast member, each individual moment in the palm of Your hand.  You have seen the end result.

You have already won.

I'm so done with being kicked while I'm down.  We're already bruised, bloodied, and struggling to get our lungs to inflate.  Then the devil hits us with another wave.  But it will not last.  The floodwaters will subside as soon as we've been strengthened enough to stand.  This is the cocoon; the refining fire that will brush away the ashes and leave us new creation.

You have a plan.  At the end of this we will be one step closer to who You are, and all the struggles will make sense.  All I ask is that, until then, you hold my hand.  Lead me in the way you want me to go.  I need a map, Lord.  Right now I'm turning every which way, but nothing looks familiar.  Show me where to walk, and I will.

Better yet, show all of us so that we can walk together.  Unified.  One team with one purpose, glorifying the One who gives us breath and revives us every morning.  That is our cause.

The prince of evil has no power.  His demons will not prevail.  YOU alone, Jesus, have victory!  And this time will be no different.  There's an entire book of stories proving it's true.  Every word of the Bible shows us the miraculous power of your mercy.

Keep opening our eyes to the truth.

100 Things I'm Thankful For...

This list was much harder to write than I thought it would be, and I'm not going to explain why I did it until the end.  You're just going to have to bear with me.  So, without further ado...

1. Quiet nights

2. The color blue

3. Possibilities

4. The ability to simply be

5. Relient K

6. The moment of calm after taking a deep breath

7. Rainy days

8. Sunday morning worship

9.  Fuzzy beanies

10. Every single thing about books

11. Tea

12. Peaceful mornings

13. Growing closer while laughing with my family

14. Growing closer after arguing with my family

15. Concerts that feel like church

16. Chocolate

17. Windy afternoons

18. Wading through a cold stream on a hot day

19. Seeing the glory of God everywhere

20. Random acts of kindness

21. The way someone's eyes look like 4th of July when talking about their passions

22. Sweaters

23. Being able to start over

24. Photographs (the printed kind)

25. Dreams for the future

26. Personal expression

27. Finding a word that perfectly describes how I feel

28. Old fashioned diners

29. Classic movie musicals

30. Creativity

31. Theatre nicknames, and the memories behind them

32. Social ballroom dances with friends

33. My imagination

34. God's unconditional love

35. Quaint shops

36. Finding something new to love

37. Being instantly swept into the pages of a new novel

38. Kindred spirits

39. Prayer

40. Pens and paper

41. The first step back on stage during tech week of a play

42. Bethany Dillon

43. Interesting characters that come to life in my head

44. Reaching the end of a hard road

45. Worship and prayer sessions in my car

46. Sleep

47. Opportunities to serve others

48. God's provision

49. Spontaneous day trips

50. Being half way through this list

51. Pinterest

52. Hugs

53. My Bible

54. Penny wishes in public fountains

55. Breathtaking watercolor skies

56. Exceeded expectations

57. Music

58. Playing a character on stage that is totally different than me

59. Steve Rodgers

60. The clarity that comes after a long journaling session

61. Hot showers

62. The moment when I know something was God, and can't stop smiling

63. Learning something new about myself

64. Photobooths

65. Long, handwritten letters

66. Bookstores

67. Happening upon a Bible verse that speaks right to my current situation

68. The feeling of finally dominating a new dance trick

69. Pain that makes me stronger

70. Beautiful hilltop views

71. Seeing new places

72. God staying with me through every situation

73. Getting new glasses and being able to see

74. Food

75. Living in a part of the world where Culver's exists

76. My dog

77. Long walks

78. The first time I feel my heart beginning to heal

79. Falling in love with who God made me to be all over again

80. Dancing and worshiping the Lord in the pouring rain on my driveway

81. Late night ice cream after a long day

82. Not having to have everything figured out

83. Loving someone despite their flaws

84. Being loved despite my flaws

85. Loving a God who has no flaws

86. New experiences

87. Glass-bottled sodas

88. Heartfelt conversations

89. Reaching the end of a big project

90. Reaching the beginning of a new project

91. Days at home by myself

92. Days surrounded by friends

93. Inspiring ministries that spread the Light

94. Christian radio stations

95. Meeting new people who are passionate about the same things

96. Dances with an equal guy to girl ratio (very rare, but they do exist)

97. The smell of old books

98. Knowing that God has a plan

99. People who call everything an adventure

And finally...

100. I'm thankful for still being able to write a list of things I'm thankful for, even on a really horrible day (just like my day was today).

You see, it's not our circumstances that should dictate whether or not we give thanks to God for all that we're blessed with.  Thankfulness is a trait we should emit even on our worst days.  In fact, in hard times it's even more important, because this is when satan will fight to make us feel low and unloved.  Don't let him.  Show him that God is good, and that you know what side you're on.  And show him by defiantly listing off all the ways your thankful, despite how badly you just want to complain.

All day I've been asking why... Why is my life where it is right now?  Why are these certain things happening to me?  Why can't I seem to do anything right?  But then I realized the only way to turn my day around was to ask a different question...

What can I do to give God praise when my circumstances are less than ideal?

Trust.  Be still.  And know that He is God.

Thankfulness.

Not easy, but worth it.  Yes, very worth it.

Bits and Pieces: The Cave

Over the weekend I had a brand new story idea just burst into my head.  I have no idea where it's headed, but I'm having so much fun with these characters that I can't wait to find out!  I hope you like it...

I had never been sent to murder someone in a cave before.  A shopping mall, an alleyway, a garden even, but never a cave.  I was pressed up against a thick tree near the entrance.  My team was with me, shielded by the other trees in front of me.

Our supervisor hadn't told us who we were being sent to kill, or why, but in our line of business those just weren't the types of questions a person asked.  Especially when one was getting paid such a pretty penny as we were about to.

Minute after minute passed as my breath hung like smoke in the winter air.  Scout should have been back by now.  We'd sent him in to take a look ages ago, or at least the cold air made it seem like ages.  Where was he?  I untucked some of the hair that was up in my beanie so it covered a bit more of my ears.  The others had to have been getting restless by now.

"What should we do?"  A quiet voice came through my earpiece.  It was Faun.  "Scout doesn't usually take this long."

"I know."  I whispered back through my walkie.  "We'll wait a minute or two more.  If he's not back, then we approach the scene on my signal.  Copy?"

"Copy."  Faun replied.

"Iris."  A new voice came through, deeper than the first.  "Is there anything I should prepare before we move forward?"  Fletcher sounded anxious.  I could tell he was just looking for a distraction from the cold.

"All we can do now is be patient.  If you really want something to do, though, you can help Cheats get ready to go."

"No need for that just yet."  Yet another voice said, out loud this time, from the direction of the cave.

"Scout!"  Faun called out, trying her best to contain her voice.  "What took you so long?  I was worried sick!"  She wrapped him into her arms, black clothes blending with black clothes.  She must have gotten cold too, because her long, dark hair had been released from its ponytail and was now cascading down her back.  Her tan, coconut cream skin and almond hazel eyes offered quite a contrast to scout, who was pretty much an albino.

All I could do was smile.  If opposites really did attract, Scout and Faun were the prime example, and they made it look so good.

"I'm fine, darlin."  Scout's southern drawl quaked a bit through his chattering teeth.  "The cave is just really deep, that's all."

I finally stepped out from my hiding place.  Fletcher followed my lead, pushing Cheat's in front of him.  Normally Cheats could get himself around without any help at all, but the wet snow had created a bit of a roadblock for his high-tech wheelchair.  Or "The Vehicle", as he liked to call it.

"Where do you want us this time, Iris?"  Fletcher asked, swooshing some snow from the top of his head (even though his close-cropped black hair didn't allow for much swooshing).

"Yeah."  Cheats interjected, adjusting his ski cap.  "This weather is not being kind to my lady."  He stroked his armrests.

I turned to Scout.  "That depends.  What did you find out?"

"Well, from what I could tell this cave is empty.  I'm not sure why HQ would send us here without a target, though, so I'm assuming they must be in one of the side tunnels.  It was hard to be sure without our tracker."  Scout's eyes trailed off to the side as Faun smiled softly.

"I'll do my best."  She said.

"How do you want us to move forward, Iris?"  Asked Fletcher.

I looked to the cave, curiosity still my biggest motivator.  "Together."  I said.  "We move forward together."  Turning back to my team, I pointed at each one in turn.  "I'll take my position at the helm.  Scout, Faun, you will walk on either side of me and direct us.  Cheats, you will take your usual defense position in the center, and Fletcher will take up the rear.

Fletcher looked down to Cheats.  "Do you think The Vehicle will be able to hold up on its own once we're inside?"

"Aw, yeah."  Cheats confirmed.  "She'll be smooth as a melty popsicle."

"Perfect."  I checked my fingerless gloves and made sure they were secure.  "Alright, gang, time to move. Take your positions."

They followed the order, getting into place and doing their personal gear checks like a hundred times before.  Cheats prepped his wheelchair.  Faun took out her hearing aids and handed them to Scout for safekeeping.  It wasn't every day we received a kill mission, but when we did it was kind of a relief.  On other missions we were required to retrieve items, return items, interrogate for information.  These missions were always so much more complicated, and took a lot more planning, not to mention more paperwork.  Kill missions allowed for more improvisation.

I lifted two fingers and signaled to move forward.  It was time to work for a living, and the fun had just begun.  All five of us stepping in sync, we entered the cave.

Tracking was a slow process, but Faun was one of the best in the business.  She could hear pretty normally with her hearing aids in, but she was basically deaf without them.  Because of this, her other senses were heightened.  She had the best sight and smell of all of us, and she could even feel vibrations in the earth like a type of sonar.  That's why she always took out her aids on missions.  It was how she turned on her super power.

We crept forward, and I worked to match Faun's footsteps.  About twenty or thirty feet into the cave Faun stopped suddenly.  We all stopped with her.  Instinctively, our heads turned to Scout.

He lifted his hands and signed "What do you see?"  It was a sign we were all used to.  The rest of the signing after that, though, would be rough to translate for all of us except Scout.  Being the mental map and sense of direction in our group, it had been majorly important for him to be able to communicate with our tracker.  That's why I requested that Faun give him lessons in sign language whenever we weren't on missions.  Scout had gone into it a little begrudgingly at first, but he and Faun had started dating just a few months later, so it turned out well.  His quick learning and ability to sign with her fluently during missions had saved our butts many times.

After a brief conversation between Scout and Faun, Scout whispered into his walkie.  "Scuff marks on the ground.  Slight tremors coming from a distance.  She's going to follow the tremors." 

I nodded to him, and as a group we began moving forward again.

Alright, that's all I've written so far.  Please let me know what you think of the idea, as well as what you think should happen next (because I have no idea)!  I would love to hear your thoughts!

A Thank You Note... To The Girl Who Bullied Me

This one's for you...

To the girl that used her false confidence to make me feel small.

You, the one who started me on the path to having social anxiety, and always made sure I knew just how insignificant I was.

Who purposely made my friends feel sorry for you, so that when you teased me they would do nothing but watch in silence.  And as they walked away with you, leaving me alone with my growing insecurities, you would look back at me and smirk without them ever noticing.

You, who glared at me across the room at church, and played the victim when I tried to defend myself.

You, who put me down for being too pure, innocent, and naive, saying it was ridiculous that I had no desire to be sexy.  Who complained about all your boyfriend issues, and then went right on to making me feel like there was something wrong with me for not having one (which I found comical, by the way).

The girl who would point out my "idiocies" in public, in front of my friends and family.

The girl who was the reason I would listen to "Losing" by Tenth Avenue North in my room and sing at the top of my lungs, hoping and praying that God would give me enough grace to face you the next time.

The girl I was afraid of for far too long.

The girl who defined way too much of my high school experience.

To the girl who terrified me, gave me panic attacks, and made me wonder if trusting people was even worth it.

And if I saw you today, all I would have to say to you is...



Thank you.


I never got the chance to tell you.  Maybe someone will see this and show it to you.  I hope they do.  I wanted to send it to you myself, but you blocked me on facebook.  Maybe you felt guilty, or maybe you were actually convinced that I hated you.  Either way, I have a lot that I haven't said to you, and so here I am.

I'm going to be honest... it's taken me ages to get here.  Some of what I went through with you is the reason I have anxiety and trust issues.  But I get better everyday, and that's why I want to thank you.

I will never be thankful for the memories that I have of you, don't misunderstand me there.  The hateful glances, poisonous words, and sarcasm that felt like gunshot wounds took a long time for me to forget, and I'm not about to go back.

What I'm thankful for is who I became because of you.

The years when I felt lower than low in your presence were the years that taught me the most about what I do now: Youth Ministry.  Thanks to you, when a teen comes to me feeling insignificant, I can relate to them.  I can look them in the eye and tell them that God will use their struggles for good, because that's what He did for me.

In fact, if I had never been bullied, I doubt I would have discovered I have a passion for youth ministry at all.  It's because of you that I stumbled upon that immense gift in my life, and the reason I have now been able to help so many young people overcome their own bullies by the grace of God.

You made me feel completely alone.  But it was in that loneliness that I clung to God the most dependently.  My relationship with my Savior is deeper because of that time.  And it was in the lonely hours that He revealed his plans for my life, bit by beautiful bit.

It was also during these hours of solitude that I dove into my writing, and discovered that I could create worlds outside of my own.  Some of the best scenes I have ever written came from nights filled with tearful desperation for a distraction.  My characters grew out of that hurt.  These characters were my comfort, and are still a beloved part of my life to this day.

Thanks to you, I have learned how to not only tolerate people who are cruel to me, but also understand their situation in an effort to show them love.  Just like I had to do in order to forgive you.  It took several years, but I finally figured out the secret behind your hatred toward me, and in the end it had nothing to do with me.

People who feel insecure act cruelly in order to make others feel insecure, and so on.  I don't know why, or what happened in your life to make you feel so small that you had to resort to injuring others, but I'm sorry.  I'm sorry for whatever pain made you want to stop feeling.  I'm sorry that you felt the only way you could make and keep friends was by manipulation.  I'm sorrier still that you hated me simply because I didn't fall for your game.  There were times you even made me second guess myself, and I had to consult with adults in order to make sure I wasn't really the one at fault.

Because of that, you made me stronger.

I really do owe you a lot.  You may never know that I've forgiven you, and that breaks my heart.  God taught me so many lessons through you, all of which have greatly impacted who I am today.  I only wish I could hug you and say so in person, maybe even just to see the look of confusion on your face.

You challenged me.  You injured my self-esteem.  But your treatment of me never defined me, and I'm more confident now because of it.

I may never see you again, but if  I do, and if God gives me the courage to approach you one more time, I might just tell you so in person.

But for now, since the internet is all I have, I will do so right here.

In the past I never would have believed I could say this, but....

Thank you.

9 Ways to Beat The Early Stages of Anxiety and Depression

Note: Nothing in this post is clinically proven, and should not be treated as such.  But coming from someone who has dealt with small cases of depression and anxiety myself, these are some of the methods I've used to perk up or relieve some stress.

1. Seek the Lord through prayer and scripture.

I know, I know, you're most likely rolling your eyes from how cliche that sounds.  But I'm serious, it does help.  Very often, when we are in the midst of struggles, we feel like we're in a boxing match with the Invisible Man.  In a way, we are.  Satan is the one who puts pain in our lives.  God allows these battles so that we can grow, but it's still difficult to fight an opponent we can't see.  There's something satan doesn't know though: We're not alone in the ring.  God CAN see satan, and he will fight our battles for us if we only ask.  A good way to start is to pray by reading the Psalms aloud.  The book of Psalms is filled with praise and rejoicing, but it also has many heart cries and desperate prayers for peace between its pages.  Start there, and see what you find.

2. Identify a safe place.

Whether this is within the walls of a church, in a counselor's office, or one single person, having a safe place where you can talk openly about what your going through is a very important part of overcoming each particular struggle.  Most churches have mentors or small groups created specifically for the purpose of helping people overcome different difficulties they might have, with the desire to give them a safe refuge to talk and be accepted.  The only suggestion I have on this topic is to talk to someone you can trust, but who is not a person you are dating/you met online.  I would think this to be obvious, but talking to people you have never met in person about your problems is just a bad idea.  It's not as horrible to talk to a boyfriend/girlfriend about your struggles, but when it comes to advising you correctly it would be much harder for them to be truly honest with you for, again, obvious reasons.  And since you're only dating, it's not their job to counsel you. Make sure you confide in someone who will truly tell you what you need to hear, and will mentor you correctly.

3. Tea Tree Oil.

This might sound strange and random, but a few months ago I discovered the Tea Tree products from Trader Joe's and I'm absolutely in love with them.  I started using the shampoo, conditioner, and body wash in the shower, and it has done wonders for my anxiety.  It just has a really fresh, calming scent, and when you wash your hair with the shampoo and conditioner it leaves a cool, tingly, almost minty sensation, like a massage for your scalp.  I also got the face cleansing wipes recently as well, and I use them to relieve some stress during the day.  It's definitely worth a try.

4. Essential Oils/Wax Melters.

Did you know that different smells can affect your mood?  I didn't until I started utilizing some aromatherapy.  My mom and dad got me a portable travel kit with three roller-ball bottles for my Birthday a year or two ago, and they're amazing.  They have oil mixtures that help you sleep, perk you up, ease motion sickness, and, the one I got most recently, help you de-stress.  I've also used wax melters, which aren't as specific in what their scents can help, but adding the fragrance of something you love to your space is enough to make anyone smile.

5. Get a change of scenery.

My struggle with anxiety is often made worse by repetition.  The same activities, same walls, same places, same roads, it's like pacing back and forth every day all day long.  See something new!  A new store, new city, new park, even a new person!  Invite someone over that you've wanted to talk to, but haven't gotten the chance yet.  Also, this one might not make sense at first, but get new walls!  Just like different smells can affect your mood, so can colors.  If staring at the same walls is driving you crazy, research the science of color and paint your walls something that will ease your mind a little bit.

6. Add some purpose!

Honestly, I cannot stress this enough.  If you feel like you have no purpose, or you are too anxious to go out and find one, things are only going to get worse.  This is when anxiety begins to turn into depression.  FIND SOME PURPOSE.  And this isn't nearly as scary or hard as it sounds because, guess what, if your heart is still beating and your lungs are still breathing then you currently have a purpose RIGHT NOW.  What I mean when I say to FIND a purpose is that you need to discover something that makes you feel needed.  There are a few different ways to do that...

• Become needed.  Oftentimes when you feel needed by someone, that need they have will become more important than your anxiety.  That's when you're on your way to overcoming it.  Volunteer at a kids club, work at a retirement home, fight against human trafficking, help in your church, mentor someone younger than you, get a sponsor child, be a friend.  The list goes on and on.  The only struggle here is taking the leap.  From there you're on the up and up.
• Start a collection.  I know that sounds weird and small, but it really does help.  I started collecting pens a few years ago, just getting them from different places I've been in and out of town for memory sake, and I'm almost to 100 pens!  The best part is that each and every one has a memory attached to it of why I love life.  I get to think about that every time I write with them.
• Make something!  A blog, a youtube channel, a scrapbook, a novel, a scarf.  It doesn't matter what it is, just create art everyday!  Art in itself is extremely therapeutic, no matter what the form.  Find a form that fits your taste and go for it!

7. Journal AMAP (As Much As Possible)

Believe me, writing down your thoughts is a totally transforming and simple way to sort your thoughts, and I promise it will help.  Especially if you write directly to God.  I have trouble focusing when I pray out loud or in my head, but I could journal with God for hours.  Some days I can sit and write for pages and pages about one topic, and then I end up finding out something new and beautiful about myself every time.  Just...just do it.  You'll thank yourself later.  It also helps to look back on old journals.  In the past you didn't think you would make it out of all kinds of situations, but looking back from the present you'll notice fragments of exactly how God was with you every step of the way.  The same thing will happen to you with what you're going through right now.

8. Make tea.

Not just drinking tea, but also simply the process of making tea is said to have a calming affect.  Also, the different herbs in various teas have different results when it comes to your emotional state.  Look up the health benefits of teas and their ingredients and find one that works for your struggle.  When those soothing aromas go drifting by, you'll be one step closer to a peaceful atmosphere.

And finally...

9. Find comfort in knowing that it's totally ok to not be ok.

Jesus himself experienced sadness, fear, and anxiety.  These are simply emotions, just like joy, anticipation, and compassion.  The only difference is what you do with them.  Jesus used his pain to relate to people, and turned a negative situation into a positive ministry.  By finding an outlet of outreach, he automatically took the power away from his pain, and instead began feeding into the joy of others.  Sometimes the bad things that happen to us are the best motivators to reach out to people and help them see their circumstances through different eyes.

What helps you with depression or anxiety?  Have some things worked better than others?  Look up what the Bible says about these topics.  There's a lot more than you think!