9 Ways to Beat The Early Stages of Anxiety and Depression

Note: Nothing in this post is clinically proven, and should not be treated as such.  But coming from someone who has dealt with small cases of depression and anxiety myself, these are some of the methods I've used to perk up or relieve some stress.

1. Seek the Lord through prayer and scripture.

I know, I know, you're most likely rolling your eyes from how cliche that sounds.  But I'm serious, it does help.  Very often, when we are in the midst of struggles, we feel like we're in a boxing match with the Invisible Man.  In a way, we are.  Satan is the one who puts pain in our lives.  God allows these battles so that we can grow, but it's still difficult to fight an opponent we can't see.  There's something satan doesn't know though: We're not alone in the ring.  God CAN see satan, and he will fight our battles for us if we only ask.  A good way to start is to pray by reading the Psalms aloud.  The book of Psalms is filled with praise and rejoicing, but it also has many heart cries and desperate prayers for peace between its pages.  Start there, and see what you find.

2. Identify a safe place.

Whether this is within the walls of a church, in a counselor's office, or one single person, having a safe place where you can talk openly about what your going through is a very important part of overcoming each particular struggle.  Most churches have mentors or small groups created specifically for the purpose of helping people overcome different difficulties they might have, with the desire to give them a safe refuge to talk and be accepted.  The only suggestion I have on this topic is to talk to someone you can trust, but who is not a person you are dating/you met online.  I would think this to be obvious, but talking to people you have never met in person about your problems is just a bad idea.  It's not as horrible to talk to a boyfriend/girlfriend about your struggles, but when it comes to advising you correctly it would be much harder for them to be truly honest with you for, again, obvious reasons.  And since you're only dating, it's not their job to counsel you. Make sure you confide in someone who will truly tell you what you need to hear, and will mentor you correctly.

3. Tea Tree Oil.

This might sound strange and random, but a few months ago I discovered the Tea Tree products from Trader Joe's and I'm absolutely in love with them.  I started using the shampoo, conditioner, and body wash in the shower, and it has done wonders for my anxiety.  It just has a really fresh, calming scent, and when you wash your hair with the shampoo and conditioner it leaves a cool, tingly, almost minty sensation, like a massage for your scalp.  I also got the face cleansing wipes recently as well, and I use them to relieve some stress during the day.  It's definitely worth a try.

4. Essential Oils/Wax Melters.

Did you know that different smells can affect your mood?  I didn't until I started utilizing some aromatherapy.  My mom and dad got me a portable travel kit with three roller-ball bottles for my Birthday a year or two ago, and they're amazing.  They have oil mixtures that help you sleep, perk you up, ease motion sickness, and, the one I got most recently, help you de-stress.  I've also used wax melters, which aren't as specific in what their scents can help, but adding the fragrance of something you love to your space is enough to make anyone smile.

5. Get a change of scenery.

My struggle with anxiety is often made worse by repetition.  The same activities, same walls, same places, same roads, it's like pacing back and forth every day all day long.  See something new!  A new store, new city, new park, even a new person!  Invite someone over that you've wanted to talk to, but haven't gotten the chance yet.  Also, this one might not make sense at first, but get new walls!  Just like different smells can affect your mood, so can colors.  If staring at the same walls is driving you crazy, research the science of color and paint your walls something that will ease your mind a little bit.

6. Add some purpose!

Honestly, I cannot stress this enough.  If you feel like you have no purpose, or you are too anxious to go out and find one, things are only going to get worse.  This is when anxiety begins to turn into depression.  FIND SOME PURPOSE.  And this isn't nearly as scary or hard as it sounds because, guess what, if your heart is still beating and your lungs are still breathing then you currently have a purpose RIGHT NOW.  What I mean when I say to FIND a purpose is that you need to discover something that makes you feel needed.  There are a few different ways to do that...

• Become needed.  Oftentimes when you feel needed by someone, that need they have will become more important than your anxiety.  That's when you're on your way to overcoming it.  Volunteer at a kids club, work at a retirement home, fight against human trafficking, help in your church, mentor someone younger than you, get a sponsor child, be a friend.  The list goes on and on.  The only struggle here is taking the leap.  From there you're on the up and up.
• Start a collection.  I know that sounds weird and small, but it really does help.  I started collecting pens a few years ago, just getting them from different places I've been in and out of town for memory sake, and I'm almost to 100 pens!  The best part is that each and every one has a memory attached to it of why I love life.  I get to think about that every time I write with them.
• Make something!  A blog, a youtube channel, a scrapbook, a novel, a scarf.  It doesn't matter what it is, just create art everyday!  Art in itself is extremely therapeutic, no matter what the form.  Find a form that fits your taste and go for it!

7. Journal AMAP (As Much As Possible)

Believe me, writing down your thoughts is a totally transforming and simple way to sort your thoughts, and I promise it will help.  Especially if you write directly to God.  I have trouble focusing when I pray out loud or in my head, but I could journal with God for hours.  Some days I can sit and write for pages and pages about one topic, and then I end up finding out something new and beautiful about myself every time.  Just...just do it.  You'll thank yourself later.  It also helps to look back on old journals.  In the past you didn't think you would make it out of all kinds of situations, but looking back from the present you'll notice fragments of exactly how God was with you every step of the way.  The same thing will happen to you with what you're going through right now.

8. Make tea.

Not just drinking tea, but also simply the process of making tea is said to have a calming affect.  Also, the different herbs in various teas have different results when it comes to your emotional state.  Look up the health benefits of teas and their ingredients and find one that works for your struggle.  When those soothing aromas go drifting by, you'll be one step closer to a peaceful atmosphere.

And finally...

9. Find comfort in knowing that it's totally ok to not be ok.

Jesus himself experienced sadness, fear, and anxiety.  These are simply emotions, just like joy, anticipation, and compassion.  The only difference is what you do with them.  Jesus used his pain to relate to people, and turned a negative situation into a positive ministry.  By finding an outlet of outreach, he automatically took the power away from his pain, and instead began feeding into the joy of others.  Sometimes the bad things that happen to us are the best motivators to reach out to people and help them see their circumstances through different eyes.

What helps you with depression or anxiety?  Have some things worked better than others?  Look up what the Bible says about these topics.  There's a lot more than you think!

The Real Rebels

Rebel - noun

A person who rises in opposition or armed resistance against an established government or ruler.

Rebellion - noun

The act or process of resisting authority, control, or convention.

Out of all the words in the English language, this one has really been bothering me lately.  I've heard it spoken through different circles...

"It's just the teenage rebellion talking."

"They're in a rebel phase."

"I know they're only doing it for the sake of rebellion."

And it's NEVER in a positive context.  To the people of this world, the word "rebel" almost always belongs next to words like criminal, delinquent, trouble-maker, and more.  We might think of druggies, partiers, thieves...anyone who chooses to live life on the wild and crazy (and sometimes less than legal) side.  They rise up in bold opposition against the status quo.  Whether that's simply through unique hair colors, multitudes of piercings in strange places, tattoos of every shape and kind, or through the more extreme channels, they will find a way to get the word out that they are their own, and they will not be ignored.  Did I hit enough stereotypes?  I tried to nail as many as I could, so how'd I do?  I hope I did well, because I'm about to flip those stereotypes on their heads.

How many times, when you hear the word "rebel," have you thought of the word "Christian?"

Just think about it though.  Of all the above things I mentioned, how many of them have become normalized in our society?  Drugs are being legalized in certain areas of the world.  Alcohol is becoming an adulthood right of passage in families, and underage drinking is just something you do, even supported by some parents.  Stealing happens every single day.  Doing the "wild" thing just means your enjoying your "freedom."  Piercings, tattoos, and crazy hair colors used to be the rebel trademark, but now they're not even that weird.  It's just a style choice.  We've even come to the point where pre-marital physicality is a "necessary step" in finding out if a relationship works (which is a total and utter lie, by the way).

All of these things that people, young or not, are doing just to prove that they don't fit the mold.  That they're different, and aren't held down by the rules and expectations of how things should be.  To all of these people, I have a very important question.

If it's normal, and everyone is doing it, than how is it rebellious?

I'm not, by any means, saying that I support these situations.  In fact, the exact opposite is true.  But honestly, if everyone is taking part in a sinful act, it shouldn't be something you do to boost your "rebel pride".

News flash: By living in the dark and opposing the rules, we are actually doing exactly what society expects of us.  We're not rebels, we're just 2nd rate followers caving to peer pressure.

Breaking the rules is not a new idea.  In fact, people have been breaking the rules for a very long time.  This shouldn't be surprising to any of us.  So then why do we act as though breaking the rules is such a new, genius idea that we just came up with?  

And then we get hit with consequences and we get mad.  Why?  History repeats itself, why weren't we expecting this?

Back on topic though...

If you consider all that I've just said, who are the real rebels?  Most of the rebels that society has labeled are clearly fakes, so who does the title truly belong to?

The real rebels think outside of the box that our culture has laid out for them.  They can't be tamed.  They are unstoppable.  Their authority doesn't come from the government, or the leaders of the world.  They're mold breakers, big dreamers, and the keepers of the only true freedom that exists.  They don't care what the world thinks, nor do they listen to what is said about them.  They walk the narrow path, where very few have gone before them.  Their sort of rebellion often leads to standing alone, but even just one of these rebels on their own is more dangerous than a million of the other, and they have been considered dangerous since the beginning of time.  They're the most unique people you will ever meet, and they often go to great lengths to fight for their cause.  Some have been tortured and killed for their crimes.  Yet they have more joy than most people could ever comprehend.  In fact, these criminals are often the nicest people you'll meet.  They come armed and ready to defend, but not with a gun or a blade.  The armor of these rebels looks very different.

'For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens.'  Ephesians 6:12

'But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;'  Matthew 5:44

'Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.'  Colossians 3:23

Kindness is unique.  Working with heart is rare.  Genuine compassion is dying out.  Choosing life and faith is different.  Responding to hate with love is radical.  Living with joy is becoming unheard of.  And following Jesus with complete abandon?

That's what identifies the Real Rebels...

And that's why I'm striving to be one of them.

Our rebellion is not against man, but against the spiritual forces that tempt and convince man to make dark decisions.  And, even more so, the spiritual forces that spread unending lies, convincing man that dark decisions are actually leading them to the light.  Even though these forces are everywhere, they walk unknown to all but a few.  They are dangerous, and yet are easily accepted on a widespread, global level because of the false freedom they present.

Only those who have rebelled, who have turned from the societal norm of darkness and personally tasted the light, know that these forces exist.  Only these rebels have experienced true freedom, and all the life it brings to each day.  These rebels bow down, not to the world and it's many masters, but to the only true royalty that exists.

One man.  Fully human, fully God.  The original rebel of our kind.  He was hated by authorities.  Despised by religious leaders.  Unlike other "criminals", he was peaceful.  Yet the government leaders arrested him, beat him, and put him to death.  Jesus, killed for his cause.  But even after his heart stopped beating, he continued to resist what was considered normal...

Because, after three days, our leader even rebelled against death.

After this, his followers could not be stopped.  Threatened, they stood even taller.  Tortured, their faith grew bolder.  In prison they still could not be silenced.  And over 2,000 years later, this rebellion still grows.

Most consider freedom the right to indulge, to gain, to go forth without consequence.

We consider freedom the right to abstain, to serve, to remain in the beauty of an ever-growing soul of conviction and kindness.

Most of us do not look like rebels.  We are the quiet observers.  The gentle listeners.  The sacrificial servants.  But inside we are lions.  We are hurricanes, and wildfires that cannot be tamed.  All of us have been broken before, and it's the glory of pure, untainted grace that pushes us forward.  Love is our battle cry, and faith is the ground on which we stand.

We know what it feels like to run, and we will not run any longer, for our God has granted us the strength to stand.  We each have a calling; something that breaks our hearts.  This call guides our steps.  Often we don't even know where we're being lead, but we walk just the same because we know that the only true freedom comes when we deny the world and follow the sound of our leaders voice.  Even when he is silent, we follow still.

We follow because we've seen miracles.  Mountains have moved before our eyes.  Oceans have parted just to give us a path.  Eyes have been opened, and so have hearts.  Battles in which we were outnumbered, and the odds were stacked against us, suddenly come to an end with our enemies fleeing the field.  And all of it can only be explained by one word.  One name.

Jesus.

This isn't to say that we don't still have fears.  Actually, we still have many fears.  But with all of that to live for, and all of the glory we've witnessed, why would we serve any other master?  Especially when our own master is familiar with every part of us, including the very darkest depths of our hearts, and still loves us enough to joyfully claim us as sons and daughters.  Yes, we have fears, but why should we let that keep us from following the only master who gives us the strength and opportunity to conquer them? 

We are the Real Rebels.  The Revolutionaries that aspire to be more than what this fallen world has offered us.  And though we might seem weak, we are stronger than our own ability because our God allows it to be so.  Our ability is not determined by our limitations, but by the very hands that placed each individual star in the sky.  We are considered dangerous because we have seen the truth.  Though we walk in peace, and go forth with only the intention of sharing the love, compassion, and grace that has provided our salvation, we are still considered a poison.  We are despised because we cannot be stopped.  The only one who determines our steps is our God.  We can't be controlled.

And we will not be silenced.

My Loving List Of Little Things To Live For

Some days the hardest thing to do is "just keep swimming".  This life is insane, and crazy, and maddening, and it's easy to feel like you're drowning.  But, you know what, in the midst of all this madness...

Life can also be so beautiful.

The other day I was just sitting, thinking about all the little ways that life is lovely, and it lit up my day so much that I decided to share these small beauties with you.  Without further ado, here are the things that make my world shine a little brighter.

The temporary high that comes from honest, belly-aching, tear-jerking laughter.

Finally curling up in bed after a long day.

The sound of boiling water in a kettle, which means you're one step closer to that hot beverage.

Warm sweaters on cold days.

Soup.  Just soup.

Finding someone who loves that one obscure thing as much as you do, when you thought you were alone, and you both burst with the joy of finally being able to talk about it.

Discovering something you're good at, no matter how small that thing is.

Making up after an argument, and realizing how much you love that person all over again.

Every single thing about rainy days.

Dancing.  By yourself, with friends, on stage, in the grocery store.  

Hearing a song for the first time that just meets you exactly where you are.

Your whole family being at home at the same time.

Sparkling misty mornings and cool starry nights.

Roasting marshmallows on a chilly evening, and then falling asleep smelling like a campfire.

The first snow after fall.

The first warm day after winter.

Apple orchards.

Small towns with quaint little shops.

Old movies.

Hearing married couples talk about their love story together.

Colorfully painted skies.

Conquering a fear, no matter how big or small.

Staying up late because you and a family member got talking about life and lost track of the time.

When you notice something that was hard for you is finally getting easier.

Going for a prayer walk on a windy day, and feeling God whisper to you through the tree branches.

When you really enjoy being with someone, and you realize for the first time that they really enjoy being with you too.

Watching your favorite movie and knowing every line.

Introducing a friend to something you love, and they end up loving it too.

Any answer to prayer, even if it's not the answer you expected.

Being amazed at God's love for you for the first time all over again.

When someone asks how you are and truly wants to know.

Experiencing the sights of a brand new place for the first time.

The warm familiarity of the first step back inside your house after going on vacation.

When a book gets so good that your imagination replaces the words with images.

Being able to provide someone with something they needed.

When a spontaneous project actually turns out well.

Making someone smile.

Meeting someone that inspires you.

Making peace with yourself again.

When the words come out just right.

Feeling like you need to cry, but can't.  And then someone hugs you and let's you vent, like they read your mind.

When you wait patiently (or sometimes not so patiently) for something, and God provides.

The smell of your favorite food.

When they accidentally make your coffee one size bigger than you asked for.

A kept promise.

Using the human ability to sing whenever and wherever you possibly can.  Especially in the car with the radio blasting.  Especially when you know your voice is off pitch, but don't care.

The first day you start getting over a cold, and learn to appreciate the ability to breathe, smell, and taste all over again.

Creating art, no matter how badly done, simply because the passion was bursting inside you.

Finding a verse in the Bible that relates perfectly to your situation.

Looking back to finally see the good that came from the bad, and how God placed everything perfectly.



Realizing just how fortunate you really are...

The Creative Soul's Guide To Getting In The Word

If I had to name one of the biggest struggles I've had in my faith journey so far, it would be this one.  The Bible is a beautiful piece of living artwork that God gave us as a connection to him, and in this troubled world, it's one mighty large breath of fresh air.  However, if we're honest, how often do we actually WANT to take advantage of that free oxygen?  I'm a creative-minded being with some ADD and anxiety, which makes it extremely difficult to sit down and focus on the Living Word of God sometimes.  Ok...most of the time.

This year, I wanted that to finally change, but I still didn't know how.

How could I get more interested, and even excited, about something that I've always struggled with?  The answer came to me in the most unexpected of places:

Pinterest.

Apparently there are other creatives out there who have also been looking for a new approach.  And they found it.  A way to see the Bible with new eyes, and fall in love with it in a deep and personal way.  It's called Bible Art, and it's one of the most beautiful forms of worship I've ever experienced.  I've been doing Bible Art for a few months now, and now taking the time to do devotions in the morning is not only an easy choice, it's insanely enjoyable!  God has taught me so much through this brand new approach, and so that's what I'm going to show you today.

Keep in mind, none of these are my actual artwork.  I might post some of my own in a later post, but not today.


- Bible Journaling -

Bible Journaling is the wide-spread title for this style of worship.  It involves creating imagery on a page that helps you better pick apart the portion of scripture that you're studying.  If you're a visual learner like I am, this can be so helpful.  Especially when some scripture is harder to understand.  Once you research that section and grasp some of the meaning, you can create an image to help you remember what you've learned.  The actual act of making the artwork is also extremely therapeutic, and it's a great opportunity to encourage spending more time on devotions than we usually do.





You can also use various techniques to make notes on your page.  There are a lot of different choice artist tools you can use for Bible Art.  My favorite way to Bible Journal is by using a pack of stamp ink pads that I got at a craft store.  Nothing fancy, just the cheap brand.  I spray some water onto a paint brush or a sponge brush with a squirt bottle, dry it off a little bit, and then dab it on the stamp pad.  It creates almost a watercolor type of look on the page, without bleeding through the thin paper like paint does.




- Get Creatively Portable -

I don't have this personally yet, but I found this idea today and I'm seriously thinking about making one.  If there's one thing that makes devotions hard for me, it's that I'm so busy, and sometimes I don't have all the writing utensils I need to bring my Bible with me on the go.  This pouch could be easily made with a regular pencil pouch and a flat headband.  It would make doing devotions in other places so much easier, especially on trips or on vacation.  Not to mention just going to church.  So cool!




- Bible Journaling Notebook -

Worried about not being able to fit all of your notes or artwork in your Bible?  No problem!  Designate a special notebook just for that purpose.  Keep it by your Bible and use it to mark down all your thoughts while you read.  Even better, if you have a special chair or other spot that you usually like to read in, keep a cup of fun markers and colored pens there so that they're ready to go next time you do devotions.

- Washi Tape -

If you decide to start doing Bible Art, Washi Tape will be your best friend (second to Jesus, of course).  It's very adhesive, but easily removable when lifted with care, which is perfect for thin Bible pages!  Plus, it comes in a plethora of different colors and patterns, so finding a tape to fit the personality that God has given you will not be hard, I promise!  It's especially nice for taping memoirs, notes, or separate artwork into your Bible.

Use different patterns and colors to mark the books of the Bible, or other sections that you want to find easily!  In my Bible I used a strip of Washi Tape to mark the separating page between the Old and New Testament, and it worked super well.  

Deck it out!  Washi Tape makes a great background for sticker art, or a boarder if you just want to outline a specific verse.

There are so many different ways Washi Tape can be used for Bible Journaling, so get creative!  It's even a great way to put tabs in your Bible so that you can personalize what they say and where they're placed.  The possibilities are endless!

- For The Less Artistically Inclined  -

If you aren't too comfortable with your free-hand artwork (like myself), there are still lots of ways to spend some time with God through the beauty of creativity.  Firstly, stamps, stencils, and stickers are going to be the way to go for you.  Whether you print off stencils and cut them out, make your own stamps out of household objects, or purchase specific designs for the section of scripture you're on, you'll find plenty of ways to express your artistic side in the pages of your Bible.  If you're still lacking confidence, purchase a second Bible from a thrift store and make it your "test Bible" to make sure what you have planned will turn out well.

You can also spew your art on a separate piece of paper and use some Washi Tape to place it in your Bible.  This is a fantastic option for those of you who are a little freaked out by the idea of only having one chance to get a good look from the design you want to put on the page.

- Just Make It Personal -

The most important thing to remember is the reason you're making this artwork in the first place.  It's not to make your Bible "pretty".  Doing this is to help your creative mind see the Living Word as more peaceful and approachable.  It's to take the stress out of devotions and make it a time to focus on the individuality that God created you with.  I guarantee that if you make that your focus, your Bible will turn out to be pretty anyway, no matter how good (or bad) of an artist you are.  Use it as a chance to really dive deep into discovering who God really is, and the purpose he has for you.  Learn, grow, breathe, and create in the presence of the original creative mind.  He invented the first works of art, so let him use art to teach you all about the good work he's doing in you!

                             

Do you participate in the beauty of Bible Journaling and Bible Art?  I would love to see it!  Send me what you've been working on and what it's been teaching you.  

You can find more ideas for Bible Art by looking it up on Pinterest and Youtube!

The Sanctuary

So, I met Jesus the other day.

Yeah, I know.  Cool, right?  I mean, I was just going about my daily routine, and suddenly there he was, in the flesh.  It was pretty weird, actually.  Usually I'm invisible to everybody, but with Jesus... he approached me right away.  He sought me out.  Then he asked me if I would take a walk with him.

That was REALLY unexpected.  I mean, it's JESUS.  For a second or two I wondered if someone was just playing a trick on me.  Maybe this was just another one of those cruel jokes where I always end up being the punchline.  That theory was squashed almost instantly though.  When I saw the clear look of gentle compassion in his eyes, I could tell this was the real deal.  I left with him right then.

At first it was a little bit awkward.  I stumbled through words quite a bit.  It wasn't because of nerves or anything.  I didn't feel nervous at all, actually.  It's just really hard to think of things to talk about when your walking companion already knows every thought that crosses your mind.  It was also a bit (okay, more than a bit) intimidating.  Just knowing that this man walking beside me could see everything inside of me...it was unsettling to say the least; hard to get used to.

I'm not perfect.  Surprising, I know.  In fact, some of the things I've done are far from the person I would like others to see in me.  I've fallen to the wayside more than my fair share of times.  Many of the sins I've committed aren't even physical.  Most of them are just thoughts that I've allowed to slip, or words that left before I could second-guess them.  And that's why being there, walking with this man...It should have terrified me.  So why didn't it?

Unlike everyone else, he could see every harmful, dirty, judgmental sin I had ever committed, inside and out.  I had never been with anyone who could see all of me before.  Never in my life had I felt so completely vulnerable, and yet, somehow, totally free.  He should have hated me.  He should have chosen someone else to walk with.  But he didn't.  There was no need to hide myself.  No need to spend exhaustion on wondering what he was thinking of me.

I knew what he was thinking.  As he saw all of me, he allowed me to see him as well.  What I saw was... Gosh, I can't even begin to explain.  It's like...he was saddened by this world.  But it wasn't the condemning kind of sad, or even the pitying kind of sad.  It was compassion.  He saw all of my pain, my struggles with temptation, my longing for him that was shadowed by the corruption of sin, and he didn't see it as my fault.  That still blows my mind.  Because out of all my guilt and shame, all of the agony I had put him through, his only reaction was...love.

He wanted to help me.  That's why he asked me to go for a walk.

Like I said, I must have been horribly awkward at first.  But he was patient.  He asked me how I was, even though he already knew.  But I talked about it anyway.  I was brutally honest, just because I knew he would see the same things whether I was or wasn't.  He listened intently, not offering any opinion on this thing or that, but simply hearing my heart.  That meant a lot to me.  Anyone else I talked to about these things would have jumped at the chance to fix me.  He didn't.  Then I asked him where we were going.

There was a lovely glint of playfulness in his eyes.  "You'll see."  He said.

"Why am I not surprised?"  I replied.

I heard the softest hint of laughter.  "Close your eyes."

I stopped walking and did as he asked.  I was definitely confused, but I figured I didn't need to say so.  He could probably read my curiosity loud and clear.

"Keep walking."

"With my eyes closed?"

No answer.  I knew he was still there.  I don't know how, since it was totally silent around me, but I just knew.  I just stood for a moment, waiting to see if he was actually planning on answering me.  Not a word came.  Well, I guess I had my orders.  Close my eyes and keep walking.  Right.

I took it one step at a time, walking with my arms out in front of me like a zombie.  I'm sure the other people going for walks in area were enjoying the spectacle.  A twinge of embarrassment pricked my stomach, and immediately afterwards I tripped on a stick in the path.  I stopped.

"Trust me."  He whispered.  "Don't think about them.  Just trust me."

I straightened, took a deep breath, and started again.  This time there were no obstacles.  I focused on Jesus's presence and it was almost like I could see him walking just beside me.

"Stop.  We've arrived."

"Can I open my eyes now?"  I asked.

"Please do."

I have no idea how we had gotten there, but all around us were the walls of a church.  It wasn't very large.  But the lovely detail in its simplicity made up for that.  I remember it perfectly in my mind.  Deep, beautiful honey-colored wood was the primary theme, shaded in varying hues by the intricate stained glass windows all around.  This stained glass wasn't choppy, however.  It was as though each perfectly smooth sheet of glass had just been naturally colored that way, with each window representing a different fruit of the spirit and a coinciding depiction of biblical example for that characteristic.  Everything, from the pews to the walls, were clean and fresh.  The only thing that looked at all worn was the Bible in the front.  The pages were well loved, and it sent a warm familiarity through me just to see it there.

"What is this place?"  I asked in awe, feeling compelled to take a few steps forward.

He smiled, his eyes giving off that same joyful glow.  "This is my sanctuary."

"Your sanctuary?"

"Well, it was when I lived on earth."

"Oh."  I nodded.  To be honest, I was still admiring the windows, and had only half heard him at the time.

He, of course, knew that.  I think that's why he walked up to where I was standing in the middle of the room.  I finally managed to look away long enough to meet his eyes.  "Do you like it?"  He asked me.

"It's amazing!"  I replied.  "But...where is it?  Like, if I walked out those doors, where would I be?"

"Oh, this isn't an actual room.  This one is just a memory.  However, when I gave mine up, I made it possible for you to have one."

I'm sure the surprise could be read all over my thoughts, and my face.  "I have one of these?"

"It's inside you.  Everyone has a sanctuary.  Although, most people don't know it yet.  It's where my spirit lives when people welcome me into their lives."

A thought entered my head, but in a moment I shoved it away.  It was the first time I had forgotten that doing that with Jesus was a waste of time.  He knew my thought immediately.

"Would you like to see your own?"  He asked.

I hadn't been anxious about anything during my time with Jesus.  But as soon as he asked that question, I don't know... suddenly a part of me felt as though maybe I had a reason to be.  "Do I have a choice?"

He nodded, which made me feel even more uneasy.  "You always have a choice."

I could sense his concern; his desire to see my heart put back together.  I knew immediately that this was why he'd brought me here today.  My voice, however, took a little longer to agree with me.  In a last ditch effort, I resorted to closing my eyes, facing forward, and clearing my throat extra loud.  He told me to leap, so I did.  And when I opened my eyes, I saw accumulated in front of me everything I had ever seen in myself.

My sanctuary looked much like the first, except not at all.

Instead of colorful light pouring through all around, the entire place look rather gray.  There was a layer of dust on the pews and the floor.  The Bible in the front, to my immense dismay, looked brand new and was closed.  The glorious windows that I had admired so much were now muddled and replaced with other images that mixed with the originals in a confusing display.

On the left wall, Patience had been replaced with Worry, Goodness with Obligation, and Kindness with Reputation.  The back wall held Depression and Anxiety instead of Joy and Peace.  On the right, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control had been replaced by Convenience, Conflict, and Self-Sufficiency.

And in the front, where the previous sanctuary had held Love, my sanctuary held Fear.

At first I didn't want to ask.  But I realized immediately that by not wanting to ask, he would already know my question, so I asked anyway.  "What...what happened here?"  Pure exasperation made my voice squeak through the words.  "Why is mine so different?"

A slow breath without a hint of drama came and went through his nose as his lips drew into a thoughtful line.  "Life happened here, my child.  You've experienced pain, defeat, temptation, rejection, and this is the result."

The unfair nature of the situation seemed to rip through me in an instant.  "But that can't be the reason.  I didn't choose for any of this to happen to me.  Others made me this way!"

"Beloved, you might not be able to control the pain that others give to you.  What you do with that pain, however, is entirely up to you.  And lately you've been allowing far too much pain to damage this once beautiful place."

A sudden weakness entered my being as his words lingered in the air.  He was right, of course.  All of these windows surrounding me were true, simply because I had been acting out of fear.  Fear of being wrong, of being abandoned, of getting hurt or hurting someone else.  Fear of caring to much, or too little.  It had all accumulated to me doing good things halfheartedly just so I could try to feel good about myself.  Just so I could... so I could attempt to please him.

I should have been acting out of love instead.

Before the fog of guilt could leave my brain, my legs had lead me forward to the Bible in the front of the room.  It was sitting on a pedestal, it's black leather cover blending in with the dismal room and hiding the stories beneath from view.  Sorrow as my motivator, I reached down to touch it.

Air, fresh and rushing, gently scented like pure sunshine, raced past my cheeks and sent a wave of goosebumps along my skin.  The fogginess vanished.  Suddenly I felt as though a pair of ill suiting lenses had been removed from my eyes.  All else in the room looked the same.  The Bible, however, had lost it's grim cover.  Lovely tan leather was there instead, with an intricately painted tree wrapping around the spine.  I could only glimpse it for a moment before the wind changed course and began blowing the pages over one after the other until finally landing in one spot.  One verse was already highlighted by swirling strokes of golden ink.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:38-39

The breeze returned as soon as my thoughts reached the conclusion of the verse, and the pages were sent into yet another flurry.  The book came to rest this time in 1 John, the 4th chapter.  Verses 7-10 glowed with the same golden flourish as the previous had.

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.  Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.  Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.  This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.  This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."

I sensed him next to me again.  Jesus, the Son of God, standing by my side.  He said my name, like a breath of warmth on the frigid fingers of a cold day.  Only then did I realize that there were tears pouring down my cheeks, and I faced him.  "Why did you bring me here?"

He gently placed his hands on my cheeks and wiped my tears away.  There was a look in his eyes I simply could not comprehend.  Was it... adoration?  But why?  I hadn't done anything worth adoring in my entire life.

"Beloved..."  He paused, demanding my complete attention in the most calming and reassuring way.  He had heard those thoughts loud and clear.  "I love you because I see a purpose that you do not yet see.  I adore you because I'm excited for you to see it too.  I want you to find that same love."  For several wonderfully terrifying seconds he just stood there in front of me, staring with compassion.  There were galaxies in his eyes.  Whole universes that had only been seen by one person.  One God.  My God.  The God standing right in front of me, giving me his full attention just because he loved me that much.  He loved everyone that much.

And that's why, in the next moment, I hugged him.  I don't know if you're supposed to do that sort of thing with the Creator of the universe, but I did it anyway.  To my delight, he hugged me back.  More tears broke through as I reveled in the safe embrace of my loving Father.  My friend.  The only person in my life who would never leave me behind.

When I pulled away, I was back in the park.  Jesus was nowhere to be seen.  It didn't matter, though, because I still felt him right next to me, and in me, and all around me.  He was everywhere!  In the trees, the grass, the rustling leaves on the path.

The best part... I may not have actually seen the end result of my Sanctuary, but to be honest, I didn't need to.  Starting with the Bible on the front pedestal and reaching all the way up into the rafters, I could tell that my Sanctuary was clean and colorful and ready to be full once again, maybe for the first time since I had first welcomed the Lord into my life.  This time, I decided, I wanted to keep it that way.  I still do.

No more fear.  It's time to live with purpose, intention, and most importantly...love.

And that's why, if Jesus ever asks you to go for a walk, don't hesitate.  Don't consult your planner, check with your friends, or second guess.  When Jesus calls you out, there's only one thing that you should be doing.

Say yes... and then go.