You've heard it said in various circles... "Nice guys finish last." They've told you in order to get the girl you need to have an edge. Take a walk on the wild side and keep the ladies guessing. "Face it, girls only like the bad boys," they say. And at this point you gentlemen are wondering why you even clicked on this blog.
Hang in there. I'm here to prove those people wrong.
By the way, I should probably mention that, yes, I am a female. Hi there...hello. I tend to write a lot of posts geared toward my fellow gal pals, so if you're a dude and it's your first time on my blog, welcome! This one's especially for you. And if you've ever related to the "nice guy" label, keep reading. I have something to say. But, first, I have some apologies to make on behalf of our generation.
First of all, nice guys, I'm sorry you're so underappreciated. You treat girls with respect, opening doors and pulling out chairs. You're the listening ear, and the shoulder to cry on. You endure the ups and downs of our emotional minds for the sake of friendship. And instead of getting a thank you note, you get a speech about female empowerment and how we're so independent. I beg you, be a gentleman anyway. Listen, some girls just don't get it. As young women, we've grown up in a society that shoves feminism down our throats. We're told that we need to be only our own in order to make it in this world. But, the truth is, we like your kindness. If a woman doesn't appreciate a gesture of gentlemanly behavior, they aren't the type of woman you want to hang around anyway. In a culture that tears down every ounce of old fashioned charm and class, please, bring chivalry back!
Second, I'm sorry that the world is so opinionated. Lies like "boys are only after one thing," and "chivalry is dead" seem to be universally accepted at this point, and it paints a horrible portrait for those men who are actually trying to do what's right. Because of this, girls approach the opposite sex with unbidden whispers of caution humming through the back of our minds. Generalizations surround you before you even get the chance to speak. You're told that having no control over your mind and body is natural, and that you shouldn't even try to change it. This is the part I'm the most saddened by. No one should be told that they can't better themselves. No one should be told they can't find pure, innocent, God-given love.
Third and lastly, I'm sorry you feel like you have to hide who you are. Guys who show emotion are bullied, and either told they should man up, or they should question their gender identity. Girls can cry through a book or at a movie theater, even during commercials sometimes, and not be questioned. If a guy sheds a tear in any situation, they're automatically made to feel like there's something wrong with them. I'm sorry we've reached a point in our culture that looks at men who express themselves through music, theatre, or dancing, and automatically wonders if they're gay. I know this is true, because some of the students I've met have been bullied about this in school. Some of them even started believing it, and it's totally changed their lives. I'm sorry you're made to feel like depression, anxiety, self-harm, eating disorders, and suicidal thoughts are only things that girls deal with. It's just not true. You're not alone. I promise you, there are plenty of guys who deal with these issues. I've counseled them before. The only reason these problems seem more uncommon in the male realm is because all of you are made to feel like you can't talk about it. It's not right. Problems are not gender exclusive.
Ok, good. Glad to get that off of my chest. Now that the apologies are out in the open, I have some things to tell you. You ready?
These. Lies. Don't. Define. You.
There, I said it! The words that everyone is afraid for you to hear, because they know you'll change the world if you did.
You want the honest truth? Guys are being used and abused right now like never before. Do you want an example? Growing up, the world feeds you exactly what is "normal" for a man to be. They tell you that you can't control yourself, so why try? Those lies are why prostitution is one of the top moneymakers in the world, why pornography can be seen pretty much everywhere (even store windows at the mall). Think about this...
Have you ever considered how strange it is that everyone is told those urges and cravings are normal, and yet the very people defining what's normal happen to be making billions of dollars to satisfy those cravings? And that's just one example!
So I repeat...
THESE LIES DON'T DEFINE YOU.
Guys, no matter what you do, how you live, the world will always have something to say. This goes for girls too. Our lies might sound different, but we're fed just as many lies as you are. Listen, I believe that the "Nice Guys" are the leaders that God is going to use to set an example for men and women alike. That means he's going to use you. That's right, YOU. The guy who's in the background, who does what's right (often without being noticed), who puts others first and wears his heart on his sleeve. I don't care what others say. You are appreciated, you are seen, and you are loved just as you are! Please, don't sell yourself short and give up on your quest for kindness just because the world tells you kindness is weak.
In the Bible, it is very clear that everyone is created just as they are for a purpose, flaws and all. Read it through. You'll find that strength is found in weakness, and selflessness is a source of overflowing joy. You'll find that some of the most prominent followers of Christ were extremely emotional. David, a man after God's own heart, was a poet and a musician! He poured his heart out in beautiful verse. Moses was a shy guy who didn't even trust himself to speak. Take a look, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised to find that the lines the world has been feeding you are far from the truth.
So this is my encouragement to you...
Show compassion. Express yourself. Be messy, and genuine, and honest. Live bravely in kindness and purity. Stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves. Lead by serving. Know that it's ok to be weak sometimes. Follow in God's footsteps, no matter what judgments the world might send your way. Allow yourself to make mistakes, but be willing to learn from them. Laugh too hard when you're filled with joy, weep when you feel broken, and pray either way. Know that it's stronger to lean on God than to stand on your own.
And when it comes to us, the good girls who feel totally outnumbered and alone, know that we exist. We've been waiting our whole lives for a guy like you to knock on our door, and we'll continue waiting right here until you do. We don't want you to be anything but absolutely yourself. We've been praying for you since we first learned to speak, and in those prayers we've asked God to spare you from the lies of our broken culture.
Please, don't give up. Don't give in.
So, here's to the Nice Guys. Other people in your life will call you that as an insult, hoping to bring you down to their level and get you to join the bandwagon they all joined long ago. But, to the right people, especially the right girl, that label will turn into a complement of the highest order. Wait for her. And while you're waiting, trust in God, love life, and be yourself. Find your purpose and chase after it with every ounce of energy and talent you have. Get creative! And when she's supposed to enter your life, she will love that purpose just as much as you do.
You're loved by God, and there truly are young ladies who are extremely thankful men like you exist. So... Thank you.
Sincerely,
A "Good Girl"
